General I Fell Down And Can't Get Up..

[dayglo]

She needs a lot of stress management. Very out of control. Bless your heart. Not what you need to be dealing with at all.

Turns out she also got a call from her dr - her pap smear was positive. Another stressor. She didn't want to tell me since she didn't want to worry me - but it ended up making things worse.

She's certainly wanting this to be about her, isn't she?

Yes. Thats the story here. And if she somehow feels ignored or "invisible", it becomes a trigger.

The spending spree (if it is overboard) is financial sabotage. I'd call her out on it if you find that she way over did it.

Turns out she just went to Staples to return some items. I guess she said it to try to get me upset and thinking about her.

 

[The Albatross]

Sometimes high reactivity for me can happen if I can't vocalize what I need from my spouse. Time, attention, nurturing, an intimate moment. Hard to say if that can apply to her though. How well does she express wants/needs?

My mom does that..."negative attention is better than no attention at all thing". I become snarky when I get frustrated with my partner. Just some thoughts.

 

[safenow]

Turns out she also got a call from her dr - her pap smear was positive.

Really sorry to hear that. I hope it turns out well.

It can be very frustrating to be in the type of realtionship with someone you love like you are. My heart goes out to you.

safenow

 

[Bilby]

How's things, dayglo?

 

[dayglo]

Well, our son is sick with a bad cold and cough, And we had some bad storms out east on Friday and the front drain got clogged. So water got into the garage and basement. Lets just add two more stressors to the mix. You can guess how things are here :(

 

[Bilby]

Yep, it doesn't take rocket science. Sorry to hear that mate.

 

[dayglo]

Well, her pap smear just means she needs to take an antibiotic for a few days...

But I guess it doesn't work that way in the land of PTSD as based on experience even though it was good news it will take a few days for that one stressor to "destress"....

 

[Bilby]

I don't know about you dayglo, but I find it pretty hard to deal with 'over-reactions' to certain situations. I'm not saying that some things don't understandably cause stress, because they do, but I guess for us, there are some things that we wouldn't get quite so worked up about, you know?

 

[dayglo]

Yes, agree 1000%
It's the personal attacks while she's triggered during the disassociation which is the worst.

 

[dayglo]

Well, now she's "back". Her stress cup runneth over. Now she's in the "guilt" and "grief" stage.

Now is the time she seems to be receptive to discussing boundaries. But somehow they don't seem to work, or maybe they only delay the inevitable, which is the stress filling up and exploding once again.

 

[LizardViolet]

Boundaries aren't any good if she doesn't also have things to do to manage her stress. I haven't read any of your other posts, other than this thread... is your wife getting any sort of treatment or therapy? What resources do you have at hand?

Speaking as a supporter of a person who has not sought any treatment, and who can lash out at me under some circumstances, but who does try (at least sometimes) to manage his stress, it's very, very hard to cope long term with a person who is abusive when they are triggered. There's growing documentation that the supporter of someone with active, unmanaged PTSD can also develop PTSD symptoms. It happened to me. So the long term danger is that you might become less able to cope, and less able to be a carer.

 

[dayglo]

Thanks to all for responding.

Now there's a new stressor/trigger to add to the mix. A big one.

Had a prostate biopsy. Came back positive for cancer. Have to decide about seeds, radiation, or something else.