General I Fell Down And Can't Get Up..

[amethist]

Sorry to hear this Dayglo.

IsupportHer can give you a lot of helpful info about this. I know he understands the ins and outs of it. Maybe he can help put your mind at ease about it.

 

[Toria]

Ahhh Dayglo - I've just read this from start to finish and just wanted to say how sorry I was to hear that things are building up.

Thinking of you.

 

[Bilby]

Oh Dayglo, I'm so sorry to hear this, I really am.

I am thinking of you, and wishing you all the best for the days ahead, particularly whilst you have all these decisions to make....

B x

 

[The Albatross]

For what it's worth there is a pretty good prognosis for prostate cancer, though I am sorry to read of your news. Education and making informed decisions is key. Hope your significant other can bear up without personalizing this health news. You have my support, such as it is. Sending prayers and warm intentions for healing your way.

 

[LizardViolet]

Sending healing and positive thoughts your way.

 

[dayglo]

She's in pieces now. Feeling tremendous guilt for all of the horrible things she's said to me while she's triggered....

 

[ISupportHer]

Had a prostate biopsy. Came back positive for cancer. Have to decide about seeds, radiation, or something else.

Yes, I do know a little about this. General knowledge that I had Prostate Cancer and had surgery a little over 3 years now.

First, like PTSD, these is no "1 size fits all" template. As for information, although there are tons of resources out there, I was provided a loaner copy of The American Cancer Society: Prostate Cancer, revised edition by my Urologist and found it to be very comprehensive as far as options.

Just a few things I will share:

Of course it will be hard on your wife and family. They all will be concerned. Yes, this will add to the stress for your wife.

This will be one of those things where you need to "take care of yourself" As others on the forum know, getting a cancer diagnosis is hard. I would suggest finding resources for support. In my case, my wife was just unable to handle it so I went to all my appointments by myself. I had close friends here that supported me and I participated in one of the many online communities of men with prostate cancer. Great way to compare your situation to other men.

I can tell you that there is hope. Of course I don't know the extent of your cancer but I had the Da Vinci robotic nerve sparing prostatectomy and am doing well. Very minimal issues after the surgery.

Going to be honest that I now don't recall all the specifics of Gleason scoring, etc but would be glad to be a resource for you. I will discuss more privately with you.

ISH

 

[dayglo]

Unfortunately we don't have a large support system (my wife's behavior while triggered has driven some friends away, her family is nuts, and mine is far away).

The seeds would be "easy". Miss a few days of work. Minimal stress on my wife. But I'm relatively young so the full surgery may make more sense - I have visit with surgeon next week. If I have the full surgery, my wife is already talking about hiring a full time nurse for three weeks after I get home - that's how stressed she is already.

And on top of this, I just received a job offer for more $$. Since I still have a job with decent benefits, I guess that needs to be put on hold or forgotten.

 

[ISupportHer]

If you have the full prostatectomy, it is possible to do most things for yourself. Ummm, maybe TMI but I did all my catheter care myself. I did need transportation to my 1 week follow up because of driving restrictions. I was 56 when I had my surgery. There was pain, of course, but you WANT to be up and taking care of yourself. Actually, my Dr insisted that his patients did so, so that they would not just lay back and take a passive role. I was up walking on my own in the hall the next morning at the hospital.

ISH

 

[The Albatross]

Glad ISH is able to give you some more helpful feedback. Any way to table the job offer til after your treatment and recovery? My theory is you don't know unless you ask.

Do try to work on your own independent support system... when you say "we" don't have a large support system..." it is clear that she can overshadow your own needs. Even online support groups and an email or by phone relationship is better than a support system that is too small. If you haven't done so already, I would consider ISH's offer of a private conversation for starters.

Post surgical (if that is what you choose), there can be benefit in some assistance that supplements home care agency nursing, as their visits tend to be 45 minutes or less. It may be better for you as your partner is pretty much signaling that she might not be suited to providing your after care. 3 weeks? Difficult to say if a full time nurse is needed or if it will need to be three weeks. It may be worth having a conversation with some nursing staff and the surgeon or oncologist to determine, realistically what you can expect post procedure.

Sending warm thoughts your way... explore your options and know that I'm here and supporting you as you make these decisions.

 

[dayglo]

The hospital nearest to me (< 1 mile) only had "regular" surgery or seeds as an option. I decided upon the full robotic surgery but that hospital is over 20 miles away.

Now with the stress, my wife's fibromyalgia has acted up and now she will not be able to drive me to the hospital or back home.
So we need to find a driver. She'd mad and triggered at her family for not volunteering to help (meanwhile she's pushed them away). She's mad and triggered at my sister for not be willing to pick her up at the house, drive her to the hospital, stay the entire time, then drive her home, and then drive herself home. (She's about 5 miles from the hospital so this is totally out of the way for her).

So there's extra stress all around. I can handle my own concerns but she is driving me n-u-t-s. I now feel like I should do the seed instead -- which is an outpatient procedure at the local hospital -- and risk things 10 years from now rather than going through the HELL I am going through right now. Sorry for the vent.

 

[ISupportHer]

Just a few observations or comments.

As I have said before, the decision on treatment is yours and you need to make it based on what YOU need. If your wife is triggered now, it will be many times worse if there is something worse down the road.

When is the surgery? Could it be that when push comes to shove, she will drive you when the time comes. Maybe there is a little passive aggressive behavior going on? Or just avoidance? You can take a taxi there perhaps and just need a ride home. Won't you be admitted overnight?

Don't apologize for venting. We all need that and here is a good place to do it.

ISH