General I Fell Down And Can't Get Up..

[ISupportHer]

Hmmmm, for me, and I know that approaches may be different, the Kegals were stressed as a way to strengthen the muscles to help with the post-catheter issues. They will not want you do do them for several weeks after surgery though. They will tell you when to start doing them.

Even though mine was "Da Vinci" also, I suppose there could be differences. Yes, doing Kegals too soon could interfere with the internal healing of the reconnected urethra if done too soon. Not external scarring though.

ISH

 

[ISupportHer]

They told me to limit the stairs..

yes "limit" I didn't feel like any unnecessary trips but tried to have everything I needed when I went down for the day. Didn't hesitate going back up to nap, however.

Pre-position fluids upstairs so you have what you need and don't have to carry it. I used a cooler with bottles of water upstairs. This is one of the few things I asked my wife to help with. Make sure you take in at lest whatever they recommend for all the reasons they say, including the catheter..

Who usually cooks at your house? If it's you then you will want to think about that ahead of time. I used a lot of frozen meals that I stocked up in ahead of time. I was doing the grocery shopping at that time too, so I stocked up ahead of the surgery.

When it came right down to it, my wife DID help. I just did everything I could to minimize her need to do so, but it's unrealistic to expect that you won't need some help.

 

[dayglo]

I do the vast majority of the cooking ("somehow" when my wife does it she ends up needing my help, messes it up, or ends up hurting herself or spilling things which of course makes more work for me than if I did it myself. (Yes I realize in part I created this dependency).

I've bought plastic plates and cups and as much food as possible. Pizza for a few days is already planned... Thanks

 

[monicaelise]

Hi dayglo,

Have you considered staying in a hotel near your hospital for a day or so after the surgery? Having just gone through a very similar situation (albeit on a slightly larger scale physically, and a much smaller scale relationship-wise), I would advise you to keep your distance from anyone who is going to cause you stress immediately after surgery. Cancer is a bit*h and anesthesia is no cake walk. You really need to look out for number (you) at the moment. This isn't a head cold. Your wife's needs/problems need to be tabled right now, whether she can handle it or not. If you don't take this to heart, the likelihood of developing complications will go up. Then it won't be a rough couple of days, but a rough couple of weeks or months. Crappy as it sounds, her triggers and pretty much anything else that doesn't immediately threaten her life need to be set aside or you risk not being around at all for her in the future. I wouldn't even discuss the matter myself, just do what you need to do, and then let her know what your plan is when or if she asks.

Cancer seems to be one of those non-negotiable, naturally enforced "me" times that gets dropped in the laps of those of us who haven't, and probably wouldn't have, figured out how to ask for it otherwise.

 

[dayglo]

The guilt and stress she would feel if I told her that I was staying in a hotel would send her over the edge and create **more** stress. Right now we are in the quiet and "I'm sorry I caused you stress" period after the blowout so things are "OK".

 

[ISupportHer]

Today is only the 16th, but I wanted to wish you well on Thursday, in case I don't make it to the computer tomorrow. I trust things will go well. There will be difficulties, to be sure. The issues at home and you will experience some discomfort for a while.

Keep as active as you can. You will be instructed to do things like walking that will be painful at first, but keep pushing to do all they tell you to do. Please post here when you can and let us know how you are doing.

ISH

 

[dayglo]

Appreciate it. So since the last episode far my wife has "behaved".

 

[dayglo]

So far so good. No new blowups or episodes. Hopefully that will continue while I have the catheter in and can't drive away and leave if there is an issue. We leave for the hospital at 10:00, surgery is at 2:00 pm... Beam some good wishes to me and "be strong" thoughts to my wife..

 

[The Albatross]

Beaming well wishes back at you now, for a good prognosis and rapid healing. Keep the focus on the immediate, and hope you come out well dayglo!

 

[amethist]

Well wishes being beamed to you now dayglo.

 

[dayglo]

I'll shoot an update on the weekend. Thanks everyone

 

[ISupportHer]

Well wishes to you and your family. It's now the morning after surgery and I know it's damn hard to get up and get moving but I hope that is exactly what you do.

I am sure that it has been stressful for your wife too. Not sure I recall how old your son?. I think it was one son, is and age will affect how he responds.

Definitely thoughts of healing and comfort coming from me.

ISH