I find stories of others trauma, rape, abuse and suffering soothing.

[TruthSeeker]

^They are not losers - to me.

They are people gathering to give and receive collective strength from each other.

@blackemerald1 In some moments in time, I don't feel like a loser. In other moments in time, I do feel like a loser. I have looked worse than ever, made to feel like the crazy outcast, and been called crazy by multiple members of my family......but I wasn't the crazy one...they were the manipulative hurtful ones.....I was made to question my sanity, knew I was wholly unloved, was betrayed, and considered a loser in my family. I see none of them.........that's a loser for that part of my life....for those people who disowned me....this is something I fight....one of those cognitive distortions.....maybe

and in another moment.....I say I'm different.....and I'd prefer to be different, cause I'm not an alcoholic, druggie, narcissistic manipulator, and I have my integrity. I bounce back and forth on this depending on the moment in time, and the feelings I have going on. While I agree 100% that they are people gathering to give and receive collective strength from each other, that works for them.
I can't sit in a room with other's telling their abuse.....cause it makes me feel like I'm in a collective group of losers (it is not comforting....it is threatening).....while perception is everything.....group therapy is not supportive for me.......brings out the "loser" perception in me, even though we were all victims. So sorry to say they are losers.....I'm the one with the loser issue.

 

[Placebo]

I don't want to tell my stuff to a bunch of strangers.......I did Alanon for a while....and I didn't see myself like those losers (I am just a better dressed loser-you know look good on the outside, pretend all is fine).....but now I'm not a loser, I'm not a victim, I am who I am after 60 years of negative stuff happening.....I'd prefer to meet people in groups of one or two and move out slowly. That's been manageable. Oh, the word "group" with the vision of people sitting around in a circle in chairs telling their past history......yeah....that would be overload. Just me.....so glad it will be of help to you.

I totally get it. I said that about aa. I was better than those losers. one of two is always good to start. It is a self defense mechanism to separate ourselves and place ourselves above others. Perhaps the alanon group in particular was victim oriented. But, no one is a loser they are just different

 

[TruthSeeker]

I totally get it. I said that about aa. I was better than those losers. one of two is always good to start. It is a self defense mechanism to separate ourselves and place ourselves above others. Perhaps the alanon group in particular was victim oriented. But, no one is a loser they are just different

@Placebo Yeah....I work hard to change the distorted thinking .....I'm different...I'm not loved, I'm not loveable-they are the sick ones who disowned me.....to I choose to be different (and that makes me not a loser), I'm not like them I'm not an addict, not a bad person, but the reality is....I am different because of abuse.....but I also choose to be different than those assholes.....and yeah.....I can't quite wrap my head around this......MH groups make me think I'm a loser-oh, so messed up....but yes, I agree we are very different....and I'm very defensive. Thanks for responding.

 

[blackemerald1]

@TruthSeeker I think I do understand. Correct me if I'm wrong. You struggle with a distortion or perception of self?

If so, we are two of many?

I struggle with the concepts of isolation and the 'benefits' it brings to me and the other side that insist that I must live in the real world and try to mingle with the normals.

I've resisted going to groups of anything because I've never felt worthy of telling my story. I felt I would be judged as less than worthy if I did. But I do like hearing other people tell their stories. As the header of this thread proposes - it tells me that I'm not alone.

I see in the media many triumphs over suffering or trauma and I think I didn't get that far, no triumphant ending for me unfortunately however I find it most gratifying to see others that did.

I must admit to wondering what happens after the curtain comes down or the last scene closes to black. I've always wondered I suppose but I get that it's just a series or a movie and cannot keep going forever. As opposed to my ongoing nightmare.

There are no group therapies within hundreds of miles of me so I've not been challenged to attend them. I have attended them whilst hospitalised. Some groups, depending on the moderators were quite uplifting but others were insufferable. I think that might be representative of lots of experiences though?

 

[Sideways]

I attend a trauma group therapy every so often. Was a regular weekly attendee for a long time and got a lot out of it.

The very first rule: you don’t share trauma details. In or out of session. Period. Does more harm than good.

Trauma and addiction are often found together, but are 2 very different things. Sharing trauma stories has its place. But depending on what the particular group is set up to achieve? Sometimes sharing details does more harm than good.

 

[Mach123]

I don't want to tell my stuff to a bunch of strangers.......I did Alanon for a while....and I didn't see myself like those losers (I am just a better dressed loser-you know look good on the outside, pretend all is fine).....but now I'm not a loser, I'm not a victim, I am who I am after 60 years of negative stuff happening.....I'd prefer to meet people in groups of one or two and move out slowly. That's been manageable. Oh, the word "group" with the vision of people sitting around in a circle in chairs telling their past history......yeah....that would be overload. Just me.....so glad it will be of help to you.

lol I feel so much the same after thirty years of abuse I escaped the "meetings" and I've been feeling like that for years and I'm well aware it could be the same thing again.

But I've been very isolated. I think partly the therapist does it for my own good (in her mind) my wife does it because if I'm out and around someone might find out what she's been doing to me.

So I have to get in touch with some other people somehow and this is presenting itself a possibility. We will see. : )

 

[TruthSeeker]

lol I feel so much the same after thirty years of abuse I escaped the "meetings" and I've been feeling like that for years and I'm well aware it could be the same thing again.

But I've been very isolated. I think partly the therapist does it for my own good (in her mind) my wife does it because if I'm out and around someone might find out what she's been doing to me.

So I have to get in touch with some other people somehow and this is presenting itself a possibility. We will see. : )

I really hope it helps. ;)

 

[TruthSeeker]

I attend a trauma group therapy every so often. Was a regular weekly attendee for a long time and got a lot out of it.

The very first rule: you don’t share trauma details. In or out of session. Period. Does more harm than good.

Trauma and addiction are often found together, but are 2 very different things. Sharing trauma stories has its place. But depending on what the particular group is set up to achieve? Sometimes sharing details does more harm than good.

My life's lesson with family: don't tell, they'll use it against you. And at the time, my filter wasn't working so well. They kept a mental log, , and one day, a confidence shared years prior turns into a character flaw.....that will help them prove how crazy and mean I was. When they took the time to have creepy people a state away follow me in my car, use photographing for intimidation, and other means, .....yeah, talking isn't a safe thing to do....just an avenue to hurt/abuse. That's also a negative-yeah, say no to groups thing.....but just so you know, Alanon did have it's place and I got a lot from listening...I didn't talk much....there, either.

 

[somerandomguy]

The very first rule: you don’t share trauma details. In or out of session. Period. Does more harm than good.

What do you mean by "trauma details?" In my support group, we can get pretty graphic in describing what happened to us and AFAIK no one has had any problems. I mean, we don't get down to the level of describing actual events of abuse - is that what you mean?

 

[TruthSeeker]

@TruthSeeker I think I do understand. Correct me if I'm wrong. You struggle with a distortion or perception of self?

If so, we are two of many?

I struggle with the concepts of isolation and the 'benefits' it brings to me and the other side that insist that I must live in the real world and try to mingle with the normals.

I've resisted going to groups of anything because I've never felt worthy of telling my story. I felt I would be judged as less than worthy if I did. But I do like hearing other people tell their stories. As the header of this thread proposes - it tells me that I'm not alone.

I see in the media many triumphs over suffering or trauma and I think I didn't get that far, no triumphant ending for me unfortunately however I find it most gratifying to see others that did.

I must admit to wondering what happens after the curtain comes down or the last scene closes to black. I've always wondered I suppose but I get that it's just a series or a movie and cannot keep going forever. As opposed to my ongoing nightmare.

There are no group therapies within hundreds of miles of me so I've not been challenged to attend them. I have attended them whilst hospitalised. Some groups, depending on the moderators were quite uplifting but others were insufferable. I think that might be representative of lots of experiences though?

@blackemerald1
On Being Normal: You use the word "normals" and it made me laugh.....so there's the normals and the not-so-normals or abbynormals (I guess losers fit here, right?). When I look at it from this perspective, normal is a wide range....a spectrum.....and that concept is changing for me....I think there are very few normals out there......more fit on the not so normal end of the spectrum-how many folks had trauma and didn't tell-they just fake it through life and believe they fall into the normal range (that's what we all aspire for...to be normal, right? What I used to see as normal....isn't....so right there my perspective of being "normal" was distorted.....considering a wider range of "normalcy" makes more sense and makes me feel better and is probably more accurate.
So, what I believe now....when I meet a person and they look normal, doesn't mean they are.....I think that's a safer way of thinking....
being different.....that's a better word I guess.Sometimes the past creeps back in, and I revert to old trauma thinking and ways (been in that mindset lately), the loser thing is one of them, but I'm trying to expand my perception to move past that......it's a work in progress.

Living Life and Isolation: I stay away from media and anything that is overtly negative (I've had a-plenty of negative for a lifetime....don't need to live other's vicariously). I come here, get other's perspectives, and find that as helpful as therapy....quite often. I work with my talents, I make daily plans, and even have a habit tracker app to change my bad habits. I find as I lean more towards the positive, and work each day with a purpose, my memory improves and agitation with life decrease, because I'm actively decreasing stressors. Fun is something I didn't do.....I do now, and I look for things that will give me that good feeling (music, cooking, art, fishing, photography, writing, games and competition, etc.).....that has helped tremendously. I found that I can't isolate if I want to experience the world....and isolation helps me feel safe......but it will never bring real contentment with having lived a full life.

On the End (You know when the curtain falls): Triumph comes in many forms (some people's abusers get caught and get a punishment, and other people spend their time finding a better way of living). I have a concept of how I need to live my life from here on out.....make better memories than before (good ones), keep myself healthy so I can do so, and continue to do good things for others in life. I want to have memories, and lots of them.....so when I'm old, sitting in my rocking chair, thinking back.....I can recall the good pieces from the past, and the good memories that I've worked hard to create from here on out. I want to put to rest the destructive memories, and heal the wounded parts so they can enjoy life with me. I don't want to be that withered, old, bitter woman in the rocking chair......and all she has to remember is violence, angry times, is fearful and spends the majority of her time in isolation. Taking a look at where I'm headed and why really put that into place for me....and I'm actively working to make positive memories every day, travel, get out and do things. I guess =making positive memories is a main goal for me now. It's not hard, do things I enjoy, stick with folks I trust, get to know people in small groups, don't set myself up to get hurt, and say "No"-something I never did before and take care of me first. I think if I help improve the world, help others, and my life's work was a teacher, so that fits, then when the end comes, I'll have self-respect and see myself as all I could be......positively. It's not a perfection thing, it's a contented life thing.

 

[blackemerald1]

You use the word "normals" and it made me laugh.....so there's the normals and the not-so-normals or abbynormals (I guess losers fit here, right?).

^Yeah I do use the word normals, even in therapy. lol...

But to clarify, I use that term very loosely.

There are a lot of 'normals' that probably should be locked up for their own safety. Most could not navigate their way out of a car park let alone life. You're right there is a spectrum.. lol...

So please don't take me too seriously.

It's a term I use when, in the absence of any full on disclosure on their behalf or overt behaviour which makes me seriously suspect there might be a few horses loose in the top paddock.

But then again, who am I to judge? I've got a whole mob of them running loose..

So there are the normals and then there is me? lol.. :sorry::sneaky::hilarious:

 

[Mee]

I think reading some people’s stories can seem to help me but when I reflect it’s avoidance? In feeling compassion for others I don’t have to deal with my own stuff. Other times I can get into the ‘now that person REALLY suffered, their PTSD is understandable’

Sometimes if I see someone with a trauma reminiscent of bits of my story down playing it it can make me feel worse. If it’s not valid for them, why is it valid for me?

There is a lot I still cannot read. I find things I could tolerate I just can’t anymore.

I definitely go through phases. I watched the first two seasons 13 reasons why very quickly. I watched ‘Unbelievable’ over the last week. I was glued to Dr Fords testimony as it was live streamed.

I still do not have much capacity in my personal life for others’ trauma. I found a friend’s reaction to a car crash difficult to help her through; I was not a stable rock.