"i Gave Myself Ptsd"

[somerandomguy]

That's what I have always said about my PTSD. I gave it to myself because I didn't get out of my relationship. I didn't get out because I thought women could only be victims and men could only be abusers. My ex-wife alsways claimed she was the victim, and I was the abuser. I agreed because I didn't see how a man could possibly be a victim, so I didn't leave. I stayed, and I gave myself PTSD by staying.

Except ... I didn't give myself PTSD. I stayed because I was being abused and didn't know it.

I think that women usually stay because they're afraid of being killed if they leave. I felt like since a man (usually) has no reason to think he will be killed, he therefore cannot be abused.

I was wrong.

My ex-wife abused me while making me feel like I was the abuser and she was the victim. My acceptance of her version is why I didn't leave. I didn't give myself PTSD any more than any woman who stays with an abusive man gives herself PTSD.

Maybe this is elementary stuff to most people, but more than 10 years after escaping the abuse, I'm just starting to realize it.

 

[Changing4Best]

Good for you! However long it takes to realize these things, as long as we do, we start to heal. I hope that you can recover fully and that whatever it takes to do so, you will do.

Personally, I am on Meds, seeing a therapist and am about a dozen years into my healing process. I see the therapist only once a month now, and the Psychiatrist once every 6 months. My health plan pays for the meds for the most part and I pay $20 for each copay for the therapy. I also pay about that much for my copay to see the psych.

I've left my abuser during that time, joined a church, found new friends and let go of some of the old ones, moved on to another state and am living happily now. I hope that you progress with your healing and treatment(s) too, and come to many more healthy realizations too.

If you are in the U.S.A, (I scrolled up and found that you are) have a blessed Thanksgiving!

 

[Melody coates]

Don't ever blame blame yourself. you did not deserved to be abused and you do no deserve PTSD. sadly men being the victims is an epidemic and they need a voice. us woman finally got a voice and now it your turn. Im sorry for what you've been through and hopefully you will find a woman who will treat you like the king you are.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

I think its great that you are able to make this realization as its going to help you move forward in your own healing!

 

[Seagreen]

I am glad you can finally see things for how they really are. One of the things that keep us trapped is how confused we are about what is happening. Its only after getting away that these perceptions slowly begin to untangle. You didn't ask for PTSD. It wasn't your fault. Be kind to yourself as you heal.

 

[Deleted member 19804]

Wow, that is a great realisation and a very important step towards your healing. Good for you. It is absolutely true that men can just as well be victims of abuse as women. You deserve to take yourself seriously and to be proud of leaving that relationship.

 

[Namenotdiagnosis]

Well done for identifying you didn't cause your PTSD , women alike spend years blaming themselves and I'm sure we will all agree hindsight is a great thing!!! But regardless of hindsight , wether we are male or female, none asks to be abused or to be so downtrodden on that we question ourselves. All we ask for is respect and acceptance and in my eyes that is not a lot to ask for !