I Had A Panic Attack In The Waiting Room

[Moonshadow]

I had a doctor appointment today, and I was sitting in the waiting room. There was one other lady there, sitting and reading a magazine. I was feeling fine.

Then, a guy came in, who looked a lot like my stepfather. To get an idea of what my stepfather looked like, remember the pictures of Saddam Hussein, when they first captured him? That's what my F-head stepfather looked like. And he was always drunk, and always pissed-off.

Well, this guy looked like him, and I could swear he kept looking at me. Now, I know my stepfather is dead. He has been for a few years. I kept reminding myself of that, but to no avail.

I started shaking, and hyperventilating. As much as I tried to hold back the tears, they still came. By this time, more and more people had come into the waiting room, and there were people all around me. I felt like they were all staring at me, and they probably were, since I was shaking, hyperventilating, and crying. I was not sobbing, and wasn't making a lot of noise, but I'm sure people noticed.

I left the room, and waited in the hall, for them to call me, trying to gain my composure. When the nurse finally took me to the exam room, I kind of lost it. It wasn't too extreme, and I apologized to the nurse, and told her I was having a panic attack. She was very patient and understanding, but I was still very embarrassed.

It's been about 3 hours, since it happened, but I'm still shaky and I feel very weepy and on edge. When I got home, and told my husband what happened, he just said, "Yeah, there's some creepy people in the world."

 

[linasmom]

Moonshadow -

Are you upset about your husband's reaction to this?

As for having a panic attack in the waiting room of your Dr's office - I've been through that, and I've told the girls at the front desk what is going on with me and they are very good about keeping an eye on me, asking me periodically how I'm doing, and getting me to the back as soon as possible. I know that it can be embarrassing, but by telling someone in the office what is going on will help them help you - and that's what's most important.

I'm sorry you had to go through this today.

Best,
Rachel

 

[Noone.]

Hey I can relate, during one of those I,m very nervous cant sit still and I shake and sweat and I get the urge to use the bathroom which is basically my way of taking myself out of that situation. it is what it is imbarassing unconfortable and It makes every day situations harder to handle. So tell you husband what your feeling is real and he's right there is alot of messed up people out there being a firefighter for 15 years I've seen them all and your not one of them. See ya

 

[Moonshadow]

Are you upset about your husband's reaction to this?

I'm not so upset by his reaction to this, as I am to his reaction to me, in general. The appointment yesterday was for a bladder treatment, that was painful and invasive. I have to have this treatment every week, for 6 weeks.

Apparently, the treatment makes me have a sort of garlicky smell. Well, every time I came within 10 feet of him, he said I made him nauseous. If he did come in my proximity, he would cover his nose with his shirt. He wouldn't come anywhere near me, and made me feel like I'm disgusting to him. I tried to stay away from everyone as much as I could, but I still had to make dinner and take care of the kids, which meant I had to walk through the house.

I guess this reaction, after the panic attack I had, just made me feel worse. He doesn't even try to understand how I feel. He hasn't made any effort to learn about PTSD, and what it does to me. He just wants me to stuff it all down, and pretend like I'm frakkin' June Cleaver. I often wonder if he still wants to be with me, or if he feels stuck, because we have kids.

I'm just having a really tough time, right now, and could really use his support.

 

[nic]

Perhaps you could ask your husband to check out the forum. Not only will he learn more about PTSD, but he can also seek support through the carers section.

 

[Moonshadow]

There is no way he would ever check out the forum. He wants me to pretend like everything's fine, and I don't have PTSD, and I can just forget about all the trauma in my past. Sometimes I think that he doesn't even believe that PTSD is real.

When I do read and post to this forum, I have to do it in secret, because he would be livid at the fact that I'm sharing my issues/feelings with strangers.

He didn't want me to go to therapy. When my therapist dumped me, he said, "It's all a bunch of crap, anyway."

He didn't believe me when I told him that I have Fibromyalgia, even though several doctors had confirmed the diagnosis.

I suspect he thinks I'm faking my pain, to have an excuse to not do my work.

He doesn't want anyone in his family to know about my "shady past", and I'm not supposed to talk about my issues with them. For the most part, I try to stay away from his family, because it's so hard for me to keep the mask up.

 

[Moonshadow]

I have another appointment today. I'm really stressing over it. I keep envisioning the same scenario happening again. I know the chances that I'll see the same creepy guy in the waiting room are slim, and it's unlikely that I'll have another panic attack, but I'm still very nervous about it.

On the bright side, I know nobody will want to be around me, after the procedure, since it makes me have a strange smell for 24 hours, so it will give me a good excuse to have some alone time.

I'm going to try to prepare something simple for dinner, then hide away in my room and read or watch some movies. Maybe I'll just sleep. I'm trying to put a positive spin on it, especially since I'm feeling so much anxiety about it, right now.

 

[Sparky]

Moonshadow,

just read this today and I would like to tell you what was happening to me. For a while there every time I saw men that looked like the man that raped me, I got triggered. At the time I didn't know what was going on. I felt that they laughed at me, made fun of me just like when the trauma. I stopped going to places where this type of men frequented. Once I figured out what it was, I decided to face it. To be quite honest I don't know whether these men were laughing at me or I was having a flashback. What I did was lower my sunglasses and gave them the dirtiest look I've ever given anyone. They must of thought I was a nut but hey... it helped! I still feel funny when I see them but I'm not triggered by them. I can look at them with a stern "don''t you dare mess with me" look. And it's getting easier.

Hope this helps.