Relationship I hate him (for now)

[dulcia]

I'm going to resist the urge to post this in all caps because that would be annoying to read.

I hate this mother f*cker (right now). I can't even ask for his god damn opinion on something and his ass twists it around to "this is why I can be with you" and I'm immature and a child and blah blah blah. Bitch, I am the one who came to YOU upset about something and now I'm getting chewed out and insulted? Oh your stress cup must be overflowing because you had therapy this morning and it was a new doc and you were nervous about meeting him. And then you had to grocery store and it had people in, oh the horror!

Oh and NOW HES GOING TO GO PARTY. Yeah motherf*cker insult me and then


You know what. F*ck this entry, I can't think straight anymore. Jus trying to type to somewhere other than him. Because he's a toddler that can't use his words or process emotions so I'm not allowed to get mad or it will blow up in my goddamn face. Just needed a f*cking vent.

COVFEFE

 

[dulcia]

And I'm sitting here at the dentist and I've been here for 50 minutes, just sitting here. And I've got this guy texting and calling and the dentist chick trying to make small talk and my stress cup is going to lose its shit on someone soon too.

 

[dulcia]

How do you have a partner you can't talk to?

 

[Sweetpea76]

COVFEFE!

Go find something to break, or at least beat up. Stop at the dollar store and get a wiffle ball bat and beat the everloving snot out of your couch.

It doesn't fix anything, but you'll get that rage out.

(((Hugs)))

 

[LuckiLee]

((hugs))

Yep, it sucks not being able to share our feelings with our partners. I've learned (the hard way) not to have important conversations with my guy when his stress is bubbling to the surface. I have to keep the topics light. Nothing serious. PTSD is a very selfish disorder. In those moments when his stress is high he is literally just trying to get through a second, then a minute at a time. Even the smallest questions are too much for him. What do you want for dinner? Was your day ok? Did you happen to pay the gas bill yet? It seems like that one little question gives him the excuse to go off.

This is why I have my best friend from kindergarten. She listens when I need to bitch about my day. However I don't tell her much about Jim's symptoms but she does know about his PTSD and she asks alot of questions about the disorder.
I'd actually be happy if J went out when he is like that then id be asleep when he got home. Let his buddies deal with his ass for a night. ;)
I'm rambling on....
Just want you to know you're not alone. I've been there too.

Don't go off on the Dentist until your appointment is over. Wouldn't want to add any more pain. Lol

Try to have a quite night and start over tomorrow. XO

 

[lostforgottensoul]

I'm not exactly sure what happened and he sounds like he is being an ass and you sound super over stressed. I agree to go find something to break or punch. Punching something like a pillow has never helped me but breaking something? Yep, that totally helps!

I wanted to reply to this. Again, I know that you are venting and I am not sure what fully happened and I know people say a lot of stuff when venting (been there) - all said as a disclaimer I guess.

And then you had to grocery store and it had people in, oh the horror!

^^^ This is horror to me. I have an acute severe horrid fear of people. One of the biggest reason (but not the only reason) I need a service dog. I can't seem to go anywhere and dangerously disocissated when I did. When Chopper is with me, I don't disocissate and if I am about to, he goes crazy to alert me, and I will very well sit in the middle of the store (off to the side if I can) and have him lay across me doing deep pressure therapy, which also keeps me there.

If he had just been to therapy, his stress cup is likely full but what happens to me is everything from the past is magnifyed and its hell to just drive home saftely, let alone navigate a store with people in it. Then, when I get home I am short and stuff as it feels like every single sense I have is on overdrive and my anxiety is skyrocketed and stress cup is way over full and all I want to do is go distract some how to stop it all, and not have to talk, to anyone, about anything so if I have any sort of even small civial confrontation its like this huge thing. But it has nothing to do with them or what they are saying, I just can't do that at that moment. Maybe the next day or even later that day when stuff calms down but not then.

Again, I am not trying to excuse anything but rather explain what happens to me. Hoping that helps to shed some light on some of it? I am sorry it happened! I know its so hard for supporters and I still think you need to find some sort of outlet when it all becomes too much, you know? Some way to release all of that built up frustration. :hug:s

 

[anonymous]

I'd actually be happy if J went out when he is like that then id be asleep when he got home. Let his buddies deal with his ass for a night. ;)

I hear ya!!!!!

 

[Sighs]

@lostforgottensoul - we do know that for sufferers daily life is a constant struggle but this is a supporters thread and the OP specifically said she was venting (which you did acknowledge - I'm just trying not to offend you by the rest of my post).

My vet sometimes becomes overwhelmed by the smallest thing and will mutter stuff like "I should just shoot myself". Sometimes it makes me want to scream - 'FFS mate if you are driven to suicide by [insert minor everyday inconvenience here] then you need to get yourself committed to the nearest psych ward - stat!' It can be extremely frustrating when your partner seems unable to cope with the most mundane everyday things and takes out their completely disproportionate anger on you over the teeniest things.

@tiredtexan - :hug:

 

[lostforgottensoul]

we do know that for sufferers daily life is a constant struggle but this is a supporters thread and the OP specifically said she was venting (which you did acknowledge - I'm just trying not to offend you by the rest of my post).

I understand. I was explaining my view as sometimes hearing another sufferer's view point can help. And I'm not offended. :)

My vet sometimes becomes overwhelmed by the smallest thing and will mutter stuff like "I should just shoot myself". Sometimes it makes me want to scream - 'FFS mate if you are driven to suicide by [insert minor everyday inconvenience here] then you need to get yourself committed to the nearest psych ward - stat!'

I agree. I'm not driven to suicide by a store but it will cause me to disocissate and not know what I am doing. Thus need a service dog so I can function without being comitted.

It can be extremely frustrating when your partner seems unable to cope with the most mundane everyday things and takes out their completely disproportionate anger on you over the teeniest things.

Yes it can and most times I am in awe of what supporters must deal with and still hang on. And I give all supporters on here props for trying to understand and for hanging on as most (and all did in my life) would just up and leave.

 

[dulcia]

Yeah, I was just venting, @lostforgottensoul. The "Oh your stress cup must be overflowing because you had therapy this morning and it was a new doc and you were nervous about meeting him" statement was actually me realizing that that's what happened as I was posting. I was just frustrated that he gets to have his blow ups, but I feel like I don't get to have mine. I was also, as you noticed, super stressed with external stuff.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

I was just frustrated that he gets to have his blow ups, but I feel like I don't get to have mine. I was also, as you noticed, super stressed with external stuff.

That's understandable and you do deserve to also have an outlet for sure!

 

[dulcia]

I think I started realizing why he lashed out in the middle of my vent, but was still to pissed off to be sympathetic yet lol. I think @Friday said it best on another thread:

"Dealing with civvies 24/7 is exhausting. Mind my language. Mind my manners. Grit my teeth. Can I relax, yet? No? No? No??? F*ck. And then, like a kid coming home from school who has used up all their self control in the classroom, I come home, relax... And totally lost my temper."​