I Hate Myself

[JEKBreatheandBelieve]

One of the things the peer supported told me was that I had to stop worrying about others. That it didn't matter what other thought. There was always going to be somebody who didn't approve. And even though I've heard that a million times, I believed her. I wish I could talk with that woman again though because I have been struggling today. I even got to hide away in my room since I am not working right now and not starting my partial hospitalization program until Wednesday, but even still I felt like I was a misfit. I am still clinging to hope that things can get better though, but it sure is hard.

 

[Notsowild]

@Notsowild,
Do you want to stay like this? Or do you want to change? It sounds like you're stuck in a negative loop with no hope/help in sight. The good news is that it really, honestly, doesn't have to be that way. Yes, PTSD can bring us all down, but it is up to us to not let it win... by going to the ER when we can't take it anymore, by daring to change our thought patterns, by proactively getting help for ourselves, by ceasing to see the PTSD diagnosis as the end all be all and decider of who we are.

Hi @bell... I love your pep talks. Of course I don't want to stay like this. I never asked to get depression on top of complex PTSD. There is not a magic wand or pill to just make me better. I am helping myself. I am still seeing my T and psychiatrist. And will definetly go to the ER if it gets worse. Thank you for your helpful response. You're a good person.

Yeah I think a lot of us can relate. I used to hate my own guts because I was so lethargic all the time. The only thing I did was be very pissed off at everything.

But there's some things you can try to see if they help with your irritability and the moods. Herbs work somewhat for me. Exercise. Yoga.

I have been feeling totally exhausted after work not just tired but exhausted. I don't even know how I drive home most days. Don't know where I'll find the energy for exercise. Yoga would be good though if not just for stress reduction. What herbs? And can you mix them with other meds? And hugs are always appreciated. Thanks:hug:

 

[Tanishq]

Fitting in anywhere is not my forte

No no notsowild, I am not saying this.

My point was true friends will come into your world, you really don't need to go in that big world if that scares you. Everyone has their own world. I respect that. :)

 

[bell]

Thanks, @Notsowild, glad to hear I'm not just annoying... :)

One thing to add here, though... what about changing your vocabulary? There's a lot of don'ts, can'ts, nots, scareds, all words that only *reinforce* the negativity to both yourself and those to whom you speak. Every time time you say you "can't" do something, you are quite literally giving yourself the excuse to not do something that you "can" do, meaning that you are letting yourself off the hook instead of at least attempting something.

Also, why not praise yourself for things that you "can" do, instead? For example, I am doing my laundry today because I am going out of town tomorrow. Earlier today, I told myself I was too tired. Well, guess what? Telling myself I was "too tired," just had me turn on the TV instead of getting off my arse and doing it. So, I got up, put the clothes in the washer and just finished another load in the dryer. It turns out I wasn't "too tired," after all, I just was trying to give myself a reason not to do it.

 

[JEKBreatheandBelieve]

@bell -
I liked how you worded your paragraph about laundry.

 

[Upside Down Eagle]

Well back when my rage problem was kind of out of hand the docs had me on oxazepam and seroquel, but I found valerian root helped much better for me. You can buy it at any nature store, and you can see how to prepare it on here (http://growing-herbs.com/herbs/valerian.htm) but also just google it and it with come up with endless hits.

Besides that I use St. Johnsworth tea which helps with depression and anxiety. But both those herbs also are available as pills.

I'm not sure about mixing with other medicine. Valerian root is quite strong. I think if you made a light infusion it wouldn't be a problem, but a "dark" infusion will have a pretty calming effect on you (so combined with other calming pills it might be a little much...).