I Have A Question For The Girls?

[DMerish]

How would I act around a woman with multiple trauma's and high level anxiety? I like my lady friend, but I am afraid I maybe too harsh for her and need some help to encourage my friend to trust me for the right reasons

Hi Barconian,

Reading the other responses, I was quite impressed because there were a lot of really good answers to, what seemed to me, undefined things. For instance, I'm not clear on what "too harsh" means (i.e. what behaviors are you talking about here?). I'm also unclear about the phrase "trust me for the right reasons". In other words, you described her behavior - high anxiety/nervousness - but you didn't mention what you think could be the cause of her anxiety/nervousness or what behavior you've been displaying, or where your relationship is now and what you'd like it to be in the future.

Overall, I think all people want the same things: to have fun and enjoyable times, to share similar interests and to learn about another person's dissimilar interests, i.e. what makes them tick, to be honest with each other, and to be loved and accepted just the way they are.

Assuming you and your friend are new to one another, if you focus on those things rather than a possible agenda (i.e. wanting something from someone - maybe getting her into bed?) then whatever way the relationship evolves is right for that relationship. Be somewhat self-effacing about yourself first - trust that you can trust her with accepting you, then maybe . . .

I'm not sure if anything I wrote helped :rolleyes:

 

[scout86]

I think pretty much everyone wants to be treated with respect. That's maybe a good place to start. I totally agree that "asking her" is a good idea. Then listening to the answer and taking it to heart.

The people I'm most inclined to trust are the ones who seem to be uncomplicated and transparent. I don't like having to wonder about motives. I don't like having to wonder if they are going to follow through on what they've said. I don't like wondering what they're thinking. But that's just ME. I can't promise you it would work for someone else.

If I was in a relationship with you and you came to me with exactly what you said in your first sentence, it would be a good place to start. Good luck and I think it's a really good sign that you care enough to ask the question!

 

[BlackbirdSinging]

I think maybe you should tell her your concern and ask her directly. If a guy I was involved with who I knew cared about me asked me that I think I would feel the beginnings of if not more safety with him. Why? Because he cares enough to ask. He's trying to respect where I'm at and he's openly communicating with me. I get anxious and I'm almost always hypervigilant. I like to see all the cards not only on the table but facing up. No mysteries and no secrets. Then I have a sense of safety. I also don't have to overthink over analyze or read into anything.

 

[Barconian]

I am going to be blunt, but keep your gonads to yourself for awhile ( I am at work so don't have time to skirt around the issues ).

Lol My gonads are happy to stay in my pants :)

Thank you everyone for your thoughts, you have all been a great help!!! I am way out of practice with the Mars and Venus thing and I am nervous, I guess. It is nice to get a woman's perspective on women's needs and your responses are very much appreciated!

 

[nursenurse]

Good luck. You sound like a thoughtful and caring guy, good luck and let us know how it goes :):inlove::whistling: