I Have A "situation"

[scout86]

Thanks @anthony ! I like that one just fine!

I think this is going to be ok. I actually got a couple hours sleep. Got an email from my T saying saying that he somewhat regretted to report that the rat bastard's desire to show up plenty early probably had nothing to do with me, because "these people" tend not to think about their victims at all. Which is ok. I don't want to have a confrontation at my father's funeral. I've never been sure there was any point to a confrontation at all, but not today, and not there. Not unless HE starts it. If he starts it, I fully intend to finish it.

 

[littlelostchild]

Thinking of you and sending positive energy.

Do whatever you need and I agree with Albatross that the Priest is a good option as someone to support you.

I doubt he will start anything, but if he does, you go for it! Embrace the mace.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Wishing you much inner strength scout86. Good luck in honoring your father and avoiding your abuser.

 

[marylouise]

scout86, I just wanted to say that I'm sorry for your loss. It sounds like a big one. I hope you are able to honor your father's memory today.

 

[Justmehere]

:hug: @scout86 - thinking of you and hoping today goes well

 

[scout86]

Just wanted to thank all of you for your encouragement. Things went well, I think my dad would have been pleased. I ended up talking to the minster/priest before the service. He was great. He understood the problem right off and was completely supportive. He had planned to gather the whole extended family in a small room before the service and then have us enter as a group. (I didn't know this.) When I explained the situation, he suggested that I might want a little "alone time" to prepare to speak, and suggested I use his office and then just meet the rest outside before the "grand entry". 2 of my step-kids (and these are, technically EX step-kids because their father & I are divorced!) arrived, so I had them walk in with me. They are certainly "family" as far as I'm concerned and I really appreciated them driving 3 hours to attend. My niece had to leave early, so I offered to give her a ride, which got me out of the loitering around part that usually happens after lunch. For the lunch, I spotted a cousin I like, at a table with just enough room for me & "the kids" (they're adults, of course), staked a claim to it and all was good.

There were only 2 people that I didn't talk to today. The rat bastard cousin & my brother. That's a long story that I only marginally understand, but I wasn't surprised.

I've NEVER even considered asking for help in a situation like this before, much less of someone I'd only met once. It's pretty cool to be believed without question. All in all, it was a good day and I feel like my father was well recognized and remembered. He deserved that. Believe me, when I got up to the front of the room to speak, one of the things I thought of was all of you and your support and good thoughts. (And the can of dog repellant in my suitcase! LOL) Thank you all SO much!

 

[joeylittle]

You did brilliantly! The situation had so much about it that was emotionally challenging, angering, frightening...and you have come through not only intact, but you sound proud of yourself. :hug: That's just stellar.

 

[Justmehere]

I think your dad would have been very proud of you. You handled it with such style and grace, and honored him so well! Way to go for asking for help from the minister too. Your kind heart and strength of character really do shine through.

 

[marylouise]

@scout86,

I'm so glad I was able to be witness your story here. You are amazing in your capacity for growth and change. And the rat bastard is stuck in the past with his limited way of being in the world. Your life is a triumph.

 

[The Albatross]

Yay Scout! You navigated a difficult and stressful situation and were able to do what needed doing for your father. So very pleased for you. This is an experience to hang on to and recall as needed. I was stressed nearly out of my mind, but I buckled down and did it. Clearly this goes in the success category.

 

[scout86]

But, I didn't do it alone. :) And, that might be the biggest lesson here, at least for me. Sometimes, "help" is a real thing and, if you ask for it, you may actually get it, and then, maybe, it will actually turn out to be, well, "help". Who knew? (I'm not sure that I did!)

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I am so happy for you in your time of grieving that everything was well prepared for and you were not caught off guard in any way. This really needs to be in accomplishments and success. You will always have good memories of this day and I am so proud of how you dealt with this seeming impossible situation. Hugs.