@Kas_Can_Fly and @pintobean126 this is just a thought, and please disregard it if you don't relate.
Reading your posts, I can't help seeing some similarities to my obsessive fears about safety which take the form of checking locks. I actually have this to the point of obsessive compulsive disorder, and while it's understandable that I want to check things are locked, it isn't "understandable" the extent to which I obsess over it.
The way I see it is a need to control my environment in order to feel safe, but I can never feel safe enough, so I can never control enough, so the controlling has escalated and now has a life of its own.
Kas, I see the "life of it's own" thing particularly because I've experienced trauma that could have resulted in the same sorts of fears and aversions about addiction as you have, but I don't feel the same way. I have a passionate dislike of people thinking drugs aren't really serious, dangerous or harmful, and I'm scared of anyone whose behaviour is affected by drugs, but for me that doesn't expand to things like social drinking or smoking.
I can't help wondering if this is the mind trying to identify what's dangerous in order to feel safe. Still not feeling safe, it tries to identify the danger in more things... but still isn't safe so it tries to identify more... and so on. The thing is, safety doesn't come from identifying all the dangerous things in the world.
For me and the lock-checking, focussing on the symptom (the locks, the checking) absolutely doesn't work. I have to focus on the cause, which is no longer trauma-related but has become my mind getting distorted by anxiety. I've had to work to identify what's real and what's anxiety, and to focus on staying connected to what's real. I need to see that I could equally be obsessed with cracks in the pavement. It seems different, because there's a trauma-related reason for it to be about locks. Also because there's a level where it's sensible for everyone to check locks. But it actually isn't different at all. It isn't triggered by trauma or sensible safety precautions any more. It's gone beyond those reasons and is now pure anxiety. That's how I need to look at it and address it, even though it might seem to be something else.
As I said, this might not be you at all. It's just how I see things happening for myself.
Reading your posts, I can't help seeing some similarities to my obsessive fears about safety which take the form of checking locks. I actually have this to the point of obsessive compulsive disorder, and while it's understandable that I want to check things are locked, it isn't "understandable" the extent to which I obsess over it.
The way I see it is a need to control my environment in order to feel safe, but I can never feel safe enough, so I can never control enough, so the controlling has escalated and now has a life of its own.
Kas, I see the "life of it's own" thing particularly because I've experienced trauma that could have resulted in the same sorts of fears and aversions about addiction as you have, but I don't feel the same way. I have a passionate dislike of people thinking drugs aren't really serious, dangerous or harmful, and I'm scared of anyone whose behaviour is affected by drugs, but for me that doesn't expand to things like social drinking or smoking.
I can't help wondering if this is the mind trying to identify what's dangerous in order to feel safe. Still not feeling safe, it tries to identify the danger in more things... but still isn't safe so it tries to identify more... and so on. The thing is, safety doesn't come from identifying all the dangerous things in the world.
For me and the lock-checking, focussing on the symptom (the locks, the checking) absolutely doesn't work. I have to focus on the cause, which is no longer trauma-related but has become my mind getting distorted by anxiety. I've had to work to identify what's real and what's anxiety, and to focus on staying connected to what's real. I need to see that I could equally be obsessed with cracks in the pavement. It seems different, because there's a trauma-related reason for it to be about locks. Also because there's a level where it's sensible for everyone to check locks. But it actually isn't different at all. It isn't triggered by trauma or sensible safety precautions any more. It's gone beyond those reasons and is now pure anxiety. That's how I need to look at it and address it, even though it might seem to be something else.
As I said, this might not be you at all. It's just how I see things happening for myself.
