I Have C-ptsd

[Sandlersaint]

Hello, I am a 28 year old mother of four, I have c-ptsd.

Its taken me about a week since signing up on this forum to finally get the nerve up to write anything about myself. My life has been a series of traumas, and untill about 10 months ago, I didn't have a name for what was wrong with me. I'v always felt different from other people, like I don't belong anywhere.

I am an overly compassionate person, and have problems with self compassion, I am confident of who I am, yet I self sacrifice in my relationships. I give so much of myself too, and in doing so set my self up to be victimized over and over again.

My honest view on it has been that I can't adapt to society, writing about myself is hard, I have so many alterations of responses to my trauma.

I hope I can find understanding and healing, I'm in therapy, I have a lot of grieving to do, and I'm working on trying to protect myself, and putting myself first, something ive never done.

I am a very complicated person. I'm on a journey of self discovery, and I hope to meet some people that can relate to my troubles.

 

[Kintsugi]

Hi Sandlersaint, welcome to the forum. I hope you find support here.

 

[hazen]

I can relate! I am also 28, took a week to post anything, and only found out about my PTSD in the past year. Welcome to the forum!

Dealing with C-PTSD isn't fun but there are plenty of folks here who understand what you are going thru. Hopefully you'll find some encouragement as you check it out!

 

[BloomInWinter]

((((((((Sandlersaint))))))))))

Welcome to the forum. May you find comfort, witness, support, friendship, and healing here.

May this be a turning point in your life to surrounding yourself with only kind, caring, supportive people.

Keep reading, sharing, and speaking kindly with your wounded inner child...she deserves mothering, too.

 

[cherryblossom]

Hello, and welcome to the forum.

There's loads of information here and plenty of people to support you along the way. PTSD can be a rollercoaster, so keep writing when you fell ready.

 

[yellowfields22]

Hi, :)
I can relate to a lot of what you said, especially this line: "My honest view on it has been that I can't adapt to society..."

I have berated myself over and over with this statement, even thinking that it might be a sign of low intelligence and that I don't deserve to survive. The reality is that this statement is most likely only a signifier of low self esteem and vulnerability among all kinds of other things. This feeling probably comes from abuse and trauma. There is much wrong with society and perhaps many of us wouldn't even have these problems if this weren't true, but that does not mean that you can't one day heal and take control of your life, carving out an existence for yourself, and learning what your life path is meaning for you to learn and experience.

I think many people feel like freaks that don't fit in or can't adapt, it's that sneaky feeling we all had in high school that never really goes away fully, but we try to hide it as adults.

Being an overly compassionate person-- can often mean that you are extremely strong and brave inside, even if it doesn't feel like it. Once you learn to channel that energy, you could be an unstoppable and beautiful force of good in the world. Your experiences give you depth and a wealth of insight. There have been many great historical figures that have risen above traumatic events, to become great healers, artists, etc.

There are so many people who never learn anything, they just live their lives so selfishly and use others. They never learn how to love or be compassionate, and it's because they are afraid to let go, or maybe they are just too sheltered. It's awesome that you have kept your ability to be compassionate even after having suffered whatever it is that has happened to you. :)

 

[ChillyNilly]

Hi and welcome!