MichelleMillen
Bronze Member
I have been completely numb for a very long time. After 10 years in a nursing home I moved to an apartment in another city to be close to my daughter and her husband. Within a few weeks she told me she was expecting her first child, my first grandchild. I responded with a joy and excitement that I felt while I was speaking to her, but looking back it felt like a veneer of appropriate response. Emily Rose was born November 27th and I feel nothing. My daughter loves me but is busy with the new baby and seldom contacts me. I feel good when she does, but I find myself hardly ever thinking about her or her new little family, much less my older son, who is a successful globetrotting English teacher. I watch TV from the moment I get up until I thankfully get tired enough to escape in sleep again. I am locked in a prison of anxiety and depression where there is no relief, no room to breathe. My medications no longer seem to be working. I'm giving up inside. My psychiatrist says I am not ready for trauma therapy. I feel like the ground beneath my feet is crumbling and I am either deeply frightened or I don't care. I often wonder if there is a heaven and if I will go there when I die. If I had proof of that it would be something to cling to, something to hope for. My children have no idea how I am suffering and I have no one else who loves me. I get help from my psychiatrist but his approach to coping skills does nothing for my empty heart.
