I Hear Screaming

[Leanne1]

I got the courage last week to tell my therapist that sometimes I hear screaming and crying.

I used to try and find the source of the crying, as it sounded like a child needed help. Now I've mostly learned that its not real, although I sometimes still look around to see if there is in fact a child crying just in case. There never is.

(Trigger warning)

My T. thinks it could be an auditory flashback, which makes sence as I have a memory of myself and my brothers and sisters all lying on the ground after being beaten up by my dad.

She said it could be a part of me that is asking for something. Maybe parts of me have splintered off? I don't know.

It can be pretty scary. Make me feel crazy.

As I drove home from my last session, I started to cry. It hit me so powerfully and suddenly I put the breaks on immediately and pulled over.

I was crying and screaming hysterically. There was a part of myself that seemed separate, and I was thinking to myself, " wow, I'm really screaming!?" Then when it stopped I had to fight to not fall asleep. It was as though I was drugged, or passing out.

Eventually it passed and I drove home.

I'm not sure what to make of it. I think it was triggered from working on that memory with all of the screaming. I felt some anxiety while recalling the memory, but didn't feel much. I had to keep doing some of the grounding techniques I've learned to stop from disassociating.

 

[Powder]

When I was put on Effexor, every night when I tried to lie in bed to sleep, I heard a baby crying. It started faint, as though far away. Then it got louder and was coming "from inside my own head." I was told I was having auditory hallucinations from the high dose I was put on.

Needless to say, I decided to taper off rather than hear that.

Now, I think it was the same thing you are dealing with, having had much more of that kind of thing since that time 15 years ago.
I don't have access to any memory that it came from. I think it was from being left to "cry it out" pretty much during my whole first year, alone in my cot. That's all I can guess at.

 

[Leanne1]

@Muse do you still hear the crying sometimes?

 

[yoshixvx]

I also have this symptom, and like @Muse, I was left alone as an infant as well. The commonality makes me believe it is an auditory hallucination from these experiences, or similar ones related to trauma.

 

[Sally sue]

I had 2 traumatic life-and-death experiences a couple years ago, they were 2 months apart and there was someone screaming both times. As I have been processing the experience with EMDR and my T, so often I hear screaming and it freaks me out! Then I started to realize it was also related to a childhood trauma. Now whenever I'm triggered, my mind is scanning scanning for screaming!

In my nightmares I am often crying so hard and screaming, which is weird since we were trained as children not to be heard (crying for example) or we would "get something to cry about!" Argh!

Screaming almost seems to be a primary intense fear, which maybe is part of who we are as humans ...boy, just talking about screaming makes my stomach turn ha :(.

I have had a lot of success with letting myself sketch, after a moment of quieting my mind, and I have actually gotten a lot of answers to questions that way. It doesn't matter if you draw well :) I was following a book called "recovery of your inner child" if you're interested.

 

[Powder]

do you still hear the crying ...?

Hi, Leanne1, I have not heard it for a long time. I did a self-guided "soul retrieval" on my missing baby part. It worked. Link to the article that I used to guide me. http://www.care2.com/greenliving/oatmeal-and-soul-retrieval.html
What happened to me was very similar, especially in what it is like to feel you are clearly back in your old room seeing your younger self/soul fragment crying.

It was an amazing experience, but after I got that part back from the baby, the other parts gained power and intruded with their trauma memories as well. This has happened to many other people, so I'm not special.

I don't recommend that people do this alone like I did because I felt that what happened after made me confront my trauma head on, and I was not in therapy at the time. I have had to do so much healing on my own; I consider myself a survivor of the trauma and the PTSD mostly on my own without much support. The support I do have, I cherish.

Since I retrieved the crying baby, it was linked to emotional parts stuck in "attachment cry" action system that were not given what they wanted. I had flashbacks in which I also, like you cried like they felt like doing after the trauma, when I wanted my mother or someone to come and comfort me. Nobody ever did. So this was stuck. What this part of me wanted was for me to complete the action and receive and accept comfort.

First, even though this part wanted my mother to fulfill this function, since she is not a healthy person, I had to work through this part to allow my husband/supporter to comfort me. Once I allowed him to be my comforter, the flashbacks stopped coming back.

Then, later on, a less severe flashback of similar attachment need crying occurred and I instinctively hugged myself. (Others here have also recommended doing this.) It worked like a charm! I held myself and rocked, consciously comforting Myself, and soon I calmed right down and felt actually pretty good.

My T. said it is important to self-soothe, and not to rely on others for this attachment need. I guess she must know something. Anyway, it seems to have settled it for now. I expect stuff could still erupt later on, but I will use self-comforting now on.

 

[shell]

When I am afraid I have experienced this, it was only because I was alone in my house one time I realised it wasn't true. The last time was the morning of my first session of EMDR, maybe I was so stressed out, I also get incredibly tired and fall asleep. When I am dissociating really badly I fall asleep instantly, I have done it in the middle of a word several times when journalling, I get too close to something and everything shuts down.

Now I question whether what I am hearing when a child cries, it's happened several times in therapy, so far when I have said the child crying is distracting me in EMDR, T hasn't said anything, so I hope it's really happening, or he will think I'm crazy? I'm too frightened to ask can he hear it, now.

 

[Leanne1]

@shell
It took me a while to admit to my T. That I heard screaming sometimes. I would just say " it feels chaotic, I feel like I hear screaming".

Then one day she said " do you hear the screaming?" I had a moment of being brave, and said "yes".

She didn't seemed concerned or like it was a big deal, or like I was crazy. I was relieved.

Maybe your T. would understand and be able to help you with it.

I hope mine will.