I just cannot, for the life of me, attach to anyone

[unbrokenn]

Ok, you can also figure different ways than touch in the meantime, too...

Because socially, yeah it can be rather cementing slash alienating not done, but you can totally get the same intent across without touching & all the :eek: attached.

Friendly raised hand, multi hand waves, shakey hands just in the air depending where youre at (say Deaf community has this super codified) for hello.
Head nods, smiles, what have you, for helloes.
The way you treat space, turn, move out of locales / distancing & posture, goodbyes.
Tone of voice, directness of looks, kind of the same open & honest & trustworthy someone people usually convey by showing empty hands.
The way you treat others in closer relationships, the timing, atmosphere... totally without touching.

Things like that... While things are bad, now? Dont have to be all bad, alone & in isolatey & self loathing land.

Reminds me... Socially, self identified asexuals & aspies may be a good crowd to talk with about all the :wtf: people & sexuality, what the hell???, while you work on it. Lots of flavors of seeing people out there and you might feel less as an odd ball?

Yeah, those definitely are all things I’ll consider. Thank you so much :) I already do a lot of those but some of those gestures I don’t do so I’ll definitely try them !

 

[Justmehere]

I’ve felt like you do at times, even long periods of time. It’s really painful. Like I just loose that ability to feel like connection is anything good or comfortable... It’s hard to describe. Keep working with the therapist on it.

Find the distance where it is comfortable, and take a tiny itty bitty steps closer. It might be that doing something with someone, like a friend, is comfortable. Watching a movie together, playing a game together, whatever. Notice any tiny moments of comfortable time around another person and keep at that. Fist bumps are a fav of mine personally. It’s contact but like barely. I overact enthusiasm and somehow, it gets easier. I now enjoy hugs on the regular.

 

[HealingMama]

I get this, and struggle to attach. How about animals, can you handle giving and receiving love and care from a pet? Sometimes that's the kind of baby step we need (assuming you could handle the routine tasks involved in taking care of a pet).

 

[Tinyflame]

I'm sorry, but I don't exactly get what attachment is? Because (to me), it is very different than physical contact (sexual or otherwise). But Idk what it is, exactly (in real-life words)? :confused:

 

[unbrokenn]

I'm sorry, but I don't exactly get what attachment is? Because (to me), it is very different than physical contact (sexual or otherwise). But Idk what it is, exactly (in real-life words)? :confused:

i have reactive attachment disorder, which means it’s hard to emotionally connect to others in simple words.

I get this, and struggle to attach. How about animals, can you handle giving and receiving love and care from a pet? Sometimes that's the kind of baby step we need (assuming you could handle the routine tasks involved in taking care of a pet).

I agree with that, maybe I’ll do so when I get out of college. I’m a senior in high school and next year I’m going to college so I don’t think I can have a pet anytime soon. My family does have a bird though.

I’ve felt like you do at times, even long periods of time. It’s really painful. Like I just loose that ability to feel like connection is anything good or comfortable... It’s hard to describe. Keep working with the therapist on it.

Find the distance where it is comfortable, and take a tiny itty bitty steps closer. It might be that doing something with someone, like a friend, is comfortable. Watching a movie together, playing a game together, whatever. Notice any tiny moments of comfortable time around another person and keep at that. Fist bumps are a fav of mine personally. It’s contact but like barely. I overact enthusiasm and somehow, it gets easier. I now enjoy hugs on the regular.

That really reassured me
Whenever my friends hug me it’s hard for me but I let some of my friends give me little pats and only one can hug me for like .2 seconds before I become uncomfortable so I guess I’ve gotten better from where I’ve started

 

[RVA21]

I don't have advice but wanted to say I often feel similar to how you described. It does make me feel ill, I don't even like kissing to be honest, I never have. I never told anyone I was with but I'm sure they must have noticed. My last relationship was pretty much like an asexual one and .. it worked better for me most of the time. I think it's because I was abused when I was young so my brain just associates the touch etc with being harmed but also it turns my stomach. I do better being single now.

 

[unbrokenn]

I don't have advice but wanted to say I often feel similar to how you described. It does make me feel ill, I don't even like kissing to be honest, I never have. I never told anyone I was with but I'm sure they must have noticed. My last relationship was pretty much like an asexual one and .. it worked better for me most of the time. I think it's because I was abused when I was young so my brain just associates the touch etc with being harmed but also it turns my stomach. I do better being single now.

I honestly think that’s how I’m going to end up and tbh I’m fine with that if that’s what I’m happy with. Like there’s absolutely nothing wrong with not being into romance, if I don’t want it then I don’t want it.

 

[RVA21]

I honestly think that’s how I’m going to end up and tbh I’m fine with that if that’s what I’m happy with. Like there’s absolutely nothing wrong with not being into romance, if I don’t want it then I don’t want it.

You have to do what feels right for you. I spent years trying to force myself to like all sorts of things in life, I wish I hadn't done that and just accepted myself as I am.

 

[hithere]

I think it's a good thing that you feel an aversion right now. I think you body/mind is doing a great job at protecting you at such a young age. I know at 17 you don't feel young and your friends have all this love and passion going on. But all of that love and passion at a young age really caused a great deal of pain in my life and I had to spend a lot of time suffering, then working hard to recover from it because I wasn't ready for it. This is something I had to recover from on top of the csa and ptsd. If I had listened to myself I would have worked on just being happy to be me. I would have been way ahead of the game if I just enjoyed myself and got to know myself.

You will eventually become ok with this, and yes it will take work, but give yourself time and patience. For now focus on what you enjoy in this life and pursue what makes you happy. That's my two cents.

 

[AngelKeeperJ]

I think it's a good thing that you feel an aversion right now. I think you body/mind is doing a great job at protecting you at such a young age.

I agree. I finally got to where I “kiddingly “ announce to people I come into much contact with, that I prefer for ppl to stay at an arm’s length. If I want closer, I will do the moving. Except with my children, grandchildren, and other little ones. I trust them.
It’s like my arm hair stands on end when someone gets too close. I’m happily single and plan to keep it that way. 25+ years ?

 

[joeylittle]

I think you're smart to say this:

I’m a senior in high school and next year I’m going to college so I don’t think I can have a pet anytime soon.

And as an alternate suggestion - you could think about having some plants. I know that is quite a step down from animals, in terms of reciprocated affection - but some of the challenges around attachment can be addressed by caring for any living thing. You'll experience changes in your self-perception, by caring for a plant and helping it thrive.

I 'adopted' someone's unwanted banana tree plant when I was way, way too busy to consider having an animal, and was surprised by experiencing some actual fondness for the plant. In my case, it helped that the thing was huge when I took it in - something about the scale.

Anyway, just an idea.

 

[ms spock]

I just can’t attach to people dude it’s so bad

I struggle with this a lot - being attached to folks.

I am only just learning a deeper level about this and there is Common Symptoms of Inhibited RAD and Common Symptoms With Disinhibited RAD. I have a couple of the Inhibited issues but mostly I am disinhibited and I ruminate about rejection so much of my time. I am really working to change this now. It's really hard on a visceral level.

https://www.webmd.com/mental-health/mental-health-reactive-attachment-disorder#1