I just.... ehhh

[Smile]

I hate posting in this forum bc I have to walk on eggshells. I've been reprimanded before for being "too specific". I just want to say what's on mind! Which is obviously dark if I'm posting here.

Anyway. Today's a horrible day. I've been working with my T on weening myself off all meds and it was going well. She told me to try feeling my emotions. I tried that today. Oh mannnn, emotions are baaaad. I just couldn't handle it. So I swallowed 6 mg of Xanax (that's besides the 4 mg I took earlier this morning).

Then I went to visit family for a week. A week of hell.

I'm not good with change.

I've been back a few days, trying to get back into my old schedule.

But today... ahhh!!! I want out of this godawful world SO badly. But I'm scared and feel sooo bad for how it will effect my close friends and family. That's always my foremost concern.

I needed out (of my home) and air so I just started driving. Tears falling down as I drive. I have 1 brother where I live so thought I'll drive to his house and try talking to him.

So now I'm parked outside his place but haven't gone in. A few reasons. His wife and him DO NOT like visits that r not scheduled. Also, I'm scared of stressing him out. And I don't know if what he says will make things better or worse.

And that's it. I'll be alive the rest of today. And tomorrow. I think

Just wanted to share with people who may understand

 

[ILoveLife]

A big hug in your direction. Do you have a T you can call or text?

I also think this consistutes an emergency, bypassing your sister in law shouldn't be a deal breaker in these situations.

 

[Tinyflame]

:hug::hug::hug:

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I do not want to pass this one by, very concerned for you ATM. Call a good hotline if you know of one and get some tips on coping and managing with the feelings. Call someone that you care about and keep on reaching out, not giving up until you find someone who understands what you are experiencing. I am sorry it is on a weekend and if all else fails, go to the ER and tell them that you are in crises. You are the only one that can help you. I wish you well.

 

[Smile]

A big hug in your direction. Do you have a T you can call or text?

I also think this consistutes an eme...

Phone calls give me anxiety. And I can't email her bc she's told me k the past she can be held liable for blah blah blah

 

[Smile]

:hug::hug::hug:

Thank you. Really.

 

[Smile]

I do not want to pass this one by, very concerned for you ATM. Call a good hotline if you know of one and...

But if I go to the ER they'll commit me, no? I'm petrified of that

 

[ILoveLife]

Just for a couple of days until you're stable again. It can really help to have the comfort of having someone to look after you so you don't really act on it.

I agree that you should really consider it.

 

[Prough]

Hi smile(love that name)

"Do you have any plans to harm yourself or others" always translated in my head to"would you like to be locked in a rubber room today". Sounds like that is hitting you too. It does suck but it makes senses. You can deal with depression with a forum, much like you could deal with a fire; with a fire extinguisher. A small kitchen fire that could ruin your stove, meh give it a shot. A towering inferno threatening to engulf your body? That fire extinguisher's only use, is to clear a route to the fire department. It hurts to hear. It hurts to say. We save a lot of lives doing it.

As far as the depression aspect, you are doing so well! You got those tears out of your eyes and they are not coming back. I read that you and your doctor are trying to ween you off the numb pills. Whatever levels you are at, tell your doctor about it. I use to work in the medical field. Whenever we took somebody off of thier meds we stood on pins and needles because we were as scared as the patient. You are having a very difficult time right now. So much of depression is beyond the sufferers control. Your doctor may have some advice, or may even adjust the weening schedule.

Your doing good, and you are doing it with a smile:facepalm:

 

[Deleted member 12723]

It is worth it to go to the ER, they do not always keep you, I have found so you depending on what you say that determines the outcome for you. Just say you need to talk to someone and maybe some meds to help you as well. The ER people are mostly very caring, dedicated people and do such a good job with patients that come in. I know it will be hard but you are so worth fighting for.:hug::hug::hug:

 

[Smile]

Hi smile(love that name)

"Do you have any plans to harm yourself or others" always translated in my hea...

Thanks for ur supportive words.
Not yo rain on ur parade or anything but I really want to change my name from "smile"

 

[Smile]

Just for a couple of days until you're stable again. It can really help to have the comfort of having som...

I'll give it some serious thought. Thank you!