I just need to stop caring

[Punky143]

If I can somehow figure out how not to care then things would be a lot different. If I wasn't so selfish then things would be different. If I could just stop my head from spinning things would be a lot different. If I could just stop being me then things would be a lot different.
I missed the bus years and years ago when help was offered. Too bad for me. Now I'm an adult. I don't have the wrap around help anymore. Everything is great to people on the outside. To keep quiet is easier on everyone. But in the meantime, its only myself who deals with the thoughts of wanting to die or hurt myself. But, its my choice and I am where I am because of my choices. I hate that I breath. I hate that I wake. The world would be a lot better off

 

[ladee]

And if you made the choices to get where you are now, you can make choices to change things. And the world would not be better without you. We all have a purpose... hard to find when we are thinking , thinking , thinking, and our brain so desperately needs a break...
Thank you for sharing your pain today. When we share it, others help us carry it until we can ,once again, stand on our own wobbly legs and start taking baby steps to move out of the dark places...

This is temporary, regardless of how you are feeling right now.. I hope you have a T you can talk to , and if not, hope you can make some phone calls and find one... it's hard to do... and takes what little energy you have to do it... but that is making a choice to move forward... There is a lot to be said about moving 'forward', it means we start to put distance from the things that make us think the world would be better off without us.. I have had those thoughts myself, many many times, but somehow, someway, I could muster the energy to make a phone call at least, or post on a forum that is full of people willing and ready to help...

You made a good choice today.. you let people know, who really care and understand, that you are in this kind of pain..

That's a good choice... so see, it's not all hopeless, you do have the will to live, somewhere inside you, as tiny as it feels right now... you did the right thing... made a good choice, and we are here for you... you are not alone.. sending gentle hugs... if you are not ready for that,put them on a shelf and take one down if you need it... your choice... in your own time... it does get better.

 

[Ronin]

You have a right to be selfish. Everyone else is selfish too. It's okay to be.

You maybe missed out on help then - but you helped yourself all these years, without it. Damned well done. You did it and you did it right.

If the world would be better off without you, to hell with that world, and hang on anyway. I want the one in which you come back with another day, hating it all, but still being here. Because it can change, and will change, but only if you remain. Not if you go.

 

[ladee]

^^^^^^^^ What @Ronin said !!!!
:hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug: