This week is... I just need to think that it will be ok

[SeekingAfrica]

What a coincidence I am an ESL teacher too. I started teaching in 2006. Somehow I managed … As I was raising my son. I get the anxiety feeling. I had to work, my son was 6. I kept it up until my first real breakdown end of 2020. Returned to work in early 2022. I broke again this Feb, didn‘t see it coming, although the flags were there. I try to see that and tell myself I can get through this again. I also just take small steps one day and feel more optimistic about changing on others. Sending you my understanding and I am rooting for us all to get to peace from this very exhausting challenge in our lives.

Actually that is amazing for you. Thank you for the extra inspiration! I am indeed teaching ESL, but not for as long so hearing this helps:). I feel like I'm failing my older parents all the time. Not sure how I would cope if I had a child too. On one hand it's motivation to keep going but it's also bigger responsibility. I try to encourage myself too. I'm actually somewhat enjoying the teaching and trying to learn to do it better all the time as well. I'll try to teach online too. Not sure if it will work, but it beats not trying, especially when I'm still recovering. And if I can earn something with it- even 25% of my monthly needs, that will be so so useful. In the process of setting that and trying that right now. I also didn't see mine coming, even though it was LONG time coming for sure.
I got PTSD in 2011 and got me until 2017 to understand I really needed help. Diagnosed in 2018, and I worked hard to get better. And I did... then 2020 hit and things went down real fast. I guess it was a hard year for many of us, right? I am rooting for all of us too.
I swear right now every progress comes with 20 additional missteps of trial and error and getting discouraged and learning and trying again. It's been frustrating. Today I've been catching up on administrative and financial tasks and I almost had a panic attack 3 times. It feels like I'm in quicksand even if I know I'm slowly improving.
BUT I am still trying and the more I've done, the easier it is to have something to hold on to, in the bad moment. To have a reason to say, I've done ALL this to improve, surely I can take some more bad days. Until things stabilize again.