ED I just want to eat!

[mrsps]

I have an eating disorder where I over eat. It first started when I was about 10 after I was sexually abused. I guess it was my way of dealing with it at the time. I need to lose weight for my health and have been doing really well with my eating over the past 2 months or so, but for the last week I just want to eat eat eat. I hate myself for it but just cant seem to stop. I am addicted to food :( Anyone else have similar issues with food?

 

[DharmaGirl]

Yep. Totally. I get up in the middle of the night and eat, and don't even remember until I find the dishes. I hate it. I keep asking my therapist about it but he just says it will heal itself with the trauma therapy.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Yeah, I have food issues. TONS of food issues! My cravings get so bad and I end up binging. My weight fluctuates a lot It takes three days of agony to get rid of those cravings, but then I end up on such a restricted NO carb diet that its pretty insane. But, at least on that sort of diet I am able to avoid binging. Its an ongoing struggle. My weight is creeping up again, so I know I'll have to cut my carbs again next week. That's gonna be loads of fun....

 

[mrsps]

Thanks for the replys. I am either really good or really bad. If I am being good with my food I cut out all bad stuff as one bad meal puts me straight back on a downwards spiral to bad eating. I guess its like an alcoholic ........ they cant have a drink because if they do they are back to drinking again. Im like this with food. It is ruining my life! :(

 

[Friday]

Food stuff is one of those quirky/interesting things.

I have a friend who is a psychiatrist over in an eating disorder clinic who smacks me up the backside of my head on a regular basis... Because I have eating-disorder-as-a-side-effect kind of thing, and like most of my stuff, I make fun of it. (I'm not anorexic. I have an eye disorder. I can't see myself right). Come to find, when my ADHD is medicated the "eye-disorder" goes away completely. It's a side effect of being hypersensory & constantly aware of my body at all at all times. Ditto, various choices in my life have accentuated certain things (like modeling + cocaine, or military+no food (long story), or athlete+being broke). Plus several other things. All boil down to I could (in theory) treat the "eye disorder" as a primary thing... But it's not very useful (for me). Because it's other things that are causing it (ADHD or PTSD).

She smacks me, because eating disorders are usually secondary to something else (abuse, trauma, GAD, depression, ADHD, SPD, etc.). Which is why, at her clinic, most of the professionals specialize in non-ED issues.

I'm one of those lucky people who have a whole bunch of super-unhealthy coping mechanisms to choose from (I'm not being sarcastic. It's lucky either way: either the 1 fall back coping mechanism lets you know immediately -aka lucky- or you have a color wheel of bad ideas to choose from, so you rarely do yourself he kind of sustained damage a single bad idea results in -aka lucky.). If food were my fall back, I'd go chill with her in her office. She's amazing. And she works really closely with the primary care psychologist who is addressing the root concern.

It's a nice space for people, you know? Address the main concern with one person, but be able to devote a similar amount of time to reworking "bad idea" coping mechanism/ secondary disorder into something healthier that is also on board with the primary concern.

For me, that's not the case. "How's your eating?" Isn't a good tell as to how I'm handling my PTSD stuff. My diet/exercise can be spectacular, while I'm out redefining the word "slut" (I actually call it catting around, from tom-catting around, or hunting), or picking fights, or doing myself an injury, or getting obliterated, or getting in a lousy relationship, or spending 10 hours a day exercising, or, or, or, or. And when my trauma stuff is manifesting in my diet/exercise ... It doesn't cause the kind of anguish to stop as it does in people for whom that's their primary coping mechanism.

I get angry at being asked to give up a crutch (I'll beat you with it, before willingly giving it up)... But I'm not lost without it.

That's a big part of what she does, specializing in eating disorders. Helping people who are lost without their ED learn new things that they can apply in their lives.

 

[Jane.l]

You are right to treat it like an addiction, it is similar to giving up drink or smoking in that 'comfort eating ' is built on false beliefs and triggers and reward pathways that have been woven in over many years. It is all about the psychological aspect and usually less about the actual food .

 

[mrsps]

I think my trigger at the moment is that im stressed out about the mother in law coming to stay for a couple of nights and because hubby is working I have to pick her up / drop her off at the airport. I'm freaking out about it!
So eating is my comfort ...... not that is comforts me after I have eaten too much cos then the guilt comes in. Argh never ending cycle.
Next week my appointment with my T is to talk about my mother in laws visit!

 

[Friday]

Try sidestepping with similar sensory stuff to combat cravings

Oral fix
- Chewing gum
- Sucking on mints / candies
- Chewing ice

Feeling full / swallowing
- Drinking a lot (water, fruit left to soak in water, lemonade, unsweetened tea)
- Alternate between holding your breath for 3-5 seconds (as if chewing, swallowing), then taking a deep breath and sigh

Using your hands
- Rolling a bead between your fingertips (like a rosary bead)
- tapping
- holding a straw or pen

Sensory me bestest
- Smear greasy lotion on the lower part of your face, then wipe it off (as if you've just eaten greasy food, but haven't washed up, yet).
- orgasms*

* this can be a dangerous substitution to get used to! but they can often both short circuit a panic attack / various cravings.

 

[mrsps]

Thanks for the suggestions (although I did lol at the last one ;))

 

[Jane.l]

You will have a lots of triggers, bigger obvious ones like the mother in law and then things you don't notice - could be feelings, time of day, the weather etc - where you have unknowingly got pleasure from eating - creating then the feeling that you 'need' this at a particular time or place - or when you feel a certain way , so yes it does create a circle often based on guilt - so you feel guilty about something - that feeling brings up the desire to eat because the addiction remembers that has made you feel better, or triggered your happy hormones before but this addictive feeling isn't switched off until you have over eaten. Which is a horrible feeling , which leaves you mad at yourself , lots of negative self talk which in turn will come right back around to feeling guilty .

The trick is choice , which is why diets don't work for long ,as soon as you deny yourself because you think you have to ,you start to feel deprived - I tell my clients they can eat what they like it's their choice , if they choose to eat a packet of biscuits that's their choice but with that they choose guilt, and other self esteem problems , along with weight issues and health problems - having choice empowers - there is a bit more to it than that but this in very very basic terms is the approach I find helps most and actually it's also how I gave up smoking many moons ago.

 

[DharmaGirl]

I think the most important thing for me is to not consider myself a failure when I eat badly. I gently bring myself back to eating well instead of beating myself up. That way I don't hate myself or treat myself badly and create another binge. Mindful eating helps a lot. I am teaching myself a better way of eating so I'm bound to make mistakes.

I like the ice chewing suggestion. I have been doing that a lot.