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Deleted member 8807
Hey folks
Up until a year ago I thought I was nuts until I seen a therapist who diagnosed me with PTSD. Now I worked through a hell of a lot of my issues and felt mentally in a better place and things are looking up and for the first time I can actually see a future with myself. But one thing still bothers me. My brain for some reason keeps bringing me back to past issues and trying to mess myself up. I'll explain. When I was ill I was seeing a girl Julie. We were together for two years and although I didn't love her (mainly due to the fact I was incapable of love) I stayed with her cuz she was good to me an we had good times together. I ended up finishing with her as she had started talking about marriage and kids and I didn't see me having any of that and broke up with her as it wasn't fair on her. She needed and deserved to be with someone that could give her what she wanted. I broke her heart and she kept in contact with me and my family in the hope that I would change my mind. Now she has a new boyfriend and I was jealous at first but she is truly happy. I broke off all contact with her as I wanted her to start afresh and to move on and forget about me.
I myself have a new girlfriend who understands me better than anybody and I really do think that I love her. I'm plagued though with self doubts about her. She has a child and I keep putting barriers in our way. Plus I now have no contact with Julie but she still insists on keeping in contact with my family. This is over two years later. Mainly my family post something on Facebook and she replies under it. Her profile picture is of her and her nee man. Seems that her life is going really good but I just can't work it out. What am I doing? And what is she doing? She's not vindictive so I seriously doubt that shes trying to rub my nose in it. Am I jealous because she has what I want? Do I want what I can't have? Is the doubts with my new girlfriend of 6 months me trying to sabotage myself or is there something else there?
I'm fine one minute and then the next my head is filled with thoughts. Previous to this I didn't have feelings. But now I have guilt, among others and I'm not sure what is happening or what I'm meant to do. If anybody else has been in a similar situation or know of any advice they can give me it would be a great help
Thanks
Chris
Up until a year ago I thought I was nuts until I seen a therapist who diagnosed me with PTSD. Now I worked through a hell of a lot of my issues and felt mentally in a better place and things are looking up and for the first time I can actually see a future with myself. But one thing still bothers me. My brain for some reason keeps bringing me back to past issues and trying to mess myself up. I'll explain. When I was ill I was seeing a girl Julie. We were together for two years and although I didn't love her (mainly due to the fact I was incapable of love) I stayed with her cuz she was good to me an we had good times together. I ended up finishing with her as she had started talking about marriage and kids and I didn't see me having any of that and broke up with her as it wasn't fair on her. She needed and deserved to be with someone that could give her what she wanted. I broke her heart and she kept in contact with me and my family in the hope that I would change my mind. Now she has a new boyfriend and I was jealous at first but she is truly happy. I broke off all contact with her as I wanted her to start afresh and to move on and forget about me.
I myself have a new girlfriend who understands me better than anybody and I really do think that I love her. I'm plagued though with self doubts about her. She has a child and I keep putting barriers in our way. Plus I now have no contact with Julie but she still insists on keeping in contact with my family. This is over two years later. Mainly my family post something on Facebook and she replies under it. Her profile picture is of her and her nee man. Seems that her life is going really good but I just can't work it out. What am I doing? And what is she doing? She's not vindictive so I seriously doubt that shes trying to rub my nose in it. Am I jealous because she has what I want? Do I want what I can't have? Is the doubts with my new girlfriend of 6 months me trying to sabotage myself or is there something else there?
I'm fine one minute and then the next my head is filled with thoughts. Previous to this I didn't have feelings. But now I have guilt, among others and I'm not sure what is happening or what I'm meant to do. If anybody else has been in a similar situation or know of any advice they can give me it would be a great help
Thanks
Chris
