I Knew I Should Have Stayed Home

[sibemom]

I have not been extremly social as of late and especailly with my husbands family, who are the only ones that live near us, and calling them family is a real stretch. I went to a baby shower for my neice, who I did not even know was preganant untill getting the invitation, baby is due in a few weeks. Well of course the outward phooney signs of being a family were in place, like the smiles and greetings etc... I really did not want to go to this but thought I better show up. I mean these people live only blocks from us but never call, never drop by NOTHING! I sat there very uncomfortable and then when they all started the INTEROGATION, of WHAT'S GOING ON? WHY CAN'T YOU WORK? WHAT EXACTLY IS WRONG WITH YOU? Etc... I had enough. My husband had dropped me off because I was not in the mood to drive, so I called him and had him come and get me. When he got there they all said WHY ARE YOU LEAVING SO SOON???? If it would not have been for my neice who is the only one that I valu out of the bunch and because it was HER DAY, I would have just blasted all of them and not made excuses for why I was leaving. I wanted to say WELL you people are nothing more than USERS, you have not called me, stopped by to see me, etc... since this accident because now I can not do for you what I use to, you can not call on me for assistance with your daily lives because now I AM THE ONE THAT NEEDS THE ASSISTANCE. No one was concerned about how I was doing or what was going on before and now you get me in a group of people and feel it appropritate to GRILL ME and act as if nothing is WRONG. One of them had even made the comment that OH WELL THINGS HAPPEN AND THAT WOMAN JUST MADE A MISTAKE, YOU JUST HAVE TO GO OUT THERE AND FIND A JOB AND FORGET ABOUT ALL OF THIS. I should have taken that comment with a grain of salt considering ALL OF THEM DRINK AND DRIVE, and Believe me if I could work or my doctors would allow me to work again I WOULD. They act like I am using this as an excuse to be unemployed. I know that people do not understand how PTSD affects you as a whole person, and with my other problems no they just would never understand. I don't think I want to let them in to understand because right now to me they are the most useless "FAMILY" I have ever encountered. When you have no concern for what has happened to a family member then what gives you the right to pass judgement on thier situation? I know I should not let this bother me as much as it has, because my husband said "YOU KNOW HOW THEY ARE, DON'T LET THEM GET TO YOU" easier said than done. As we were leaving they said NOW DO NOT FORGET TO COME OVER ON CHRISTMAS DAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHEN HELL FREEZES OVER I will never go and be with those people again. I am so glad my husbands parents are not here anymore to see this behavior, because they were the most wonderful people, and for them to see what their family has become would be so tragic. I know I am more sensitive to these types of behaviors now more so then ever but still to me it was just like a slap in the face. I must have been one of the shower games, at least that is how I felt. My neice called me last night to appologize for everyone and I told her it was not her fault, she said she was so sorry that she of all people was not keeping in touch with me and offering some support. She said "I am so sorry Auntie, I promise that I will come over more and spend some time with you, you were always there for me when I needed someone" All that became clear to me is that the only FAMILY that matters is just our imediate circle and that would include our sons, Our DIL, my husband, my mother and my brothers. THAT IS IT. To try and regain family ties with the others IS NOT GOING TO HAPPEN.

 

[madjon]

in life there are times when you do wonder about these things, i have come to the point where i dont deal with people who are shallow and really are only there to take and see what they can get and mock, one of my brothers is the biggest lying stealing cheating sob's around cant be bothered with him anymore,sad but thats the way of things, i can only be bothered about 'real' people now, shallowness facades, mocking, cant be bothered with it anymore, you now know what you can see and have decided on a course of action, if you dont want to see them then there is no reason why you should, sounds like your niece is the only one who is actually bothered to call and talk, stay in touch it gives a bridge if you ever want to go back.

 

[Deleted member 93]

Sibemom, That must have been very hard on you, but you did make an effort and should appaud yourself for that. Now for the rest of them, sound like a trainwreck in progress. Nothing better than being grilled and in numbers! Ouch. And the "get over it" mentality. You kept your cool and that is great.

It really sucks as we get things happening to us and need help and no one is there to be found and when they are over it think you should be to. And yes, this does weed out the real players in our life unfortunately.

I am glad to hear your niece called you, hope that will help with the mending of that experience, and I hope some of them follow her example.

You did great getting up and getting out there, sorry you ran to a wall of idiots on the way. Maybe at Christmas you can get them all a copy of "I Can't Get Over It" LOL.

 

[Nam]

Maybe at Christmas you can get them all a copy of "I Can't Get Over It" LOL.

I second that!

 

[Terry]

You just need to be concerned with you right now. It's OK, you have an obligation to you and not everyone else. What everybody else said too.

 

[anthony]

No, you shouldn't have stayed home, otherwise you wouldn't off got to see your niece. You said it yourself, it was her day and you wanted to be part of that. There is always good from anything one might see as bad. I think you made the right decision to go.

 

[sibemom]

Yes now that I had time to get over it I am glad I went even if it made the rest of the weekend difficult. I can't hide forever but sometimes I would like to. Talking with my therapist yesterday I told her I would rather NOT be around people but she brought it to my attention that with a young child at home that would not be fair to him to be hermit. I know that the reality of it is I have to try and get out more it's just that I thought a family outting would be safe, guess not. At least I am aware of what can go on it those situations and will be prepared for the next time. My husband was a trooper with this whole thing to because he did eventually confront the rest of them and tried his best to CALMLY explain to them that NO they do not need to walk on eggshells around me but to intorogate me and make fun of me for not being able to participate in some of shower games was very RUDE!!!! He also told them that if there is a next time they can not grill me about things and if I want to share details that has to be up to me. He starting to get with the program very well. Yes even as much as I would like to hide away from people the reality is the world is full of people and somehow with more work I have to get past that and try to enjoy social gatherings again. All this did was bring to the surface more of the work that needs to be done.

 

[canucklady]

oh sibemom, lets hide out together!!!!!

Seriously, I really do know how you are feeling. I had same type of experience this week, at my OWN party. Should have sang Its my party and I will cry if I want to!!!.

I have been able to talk to my bf and friends and now they know I cannot handle large groups, and if I am quiet, to just let me be with them. Alot of times, they dont know what to say, I told them I am seeing a therapist for that stuff, so they dont have to SAY anything.

Take it easy and go one step at a time. Your husband sounds like he is very supportive, so lean on him

 

[Kells]

LOL it cracks me up when people "don't know what to say" or "don't know what to do".. How about treating us as the normal people we are instead of fruitcakes who are on the verge? And then follow that up with refraining from giving advice or expressing their uneducated feelings on PTSD and how it affects us... A nice cup of "stfu" would work wonders...

 

[Nam]

Sibemom, your hubby is awesome!! That was awesome of him to say that!