I know, yet again, I'm missing out on the comings and goings of real life. I can say that with truth because I know I'm always disassociated, in my own world. Most of the time its ok with me. Course it depends on who I am. But when it comes time to think about my daughter, massive guilt comes in. I cannot control most of the in and outs right now. I have to be who I am because I have to protect. Me, and her. Always on alert. Because of that, always triggered. Because of that, missing out. Amnesia is horrible. Embarrassing.heartbreaking. confusing. Sad. And most of all, lonely.