I Live In My Car :(

[Smile]

@gizmo , I know what your taking about. I've had periods in my life where I had to sleep on the couch with the t.v. on. Sorry your going through that now :(

I try to write in my car but... It doesn't work. When I'm able to get myself to the beach I can write. But in my car... I suppose it's the "oblivious zone". No reality allowed in :)

 

[mil]

Smile - I did this too! "As long as I needed to" this time, since it just felt like what I wanted/needed.... and I have some hindsight as to maybe why.
-I have lots of Home triggers; most abuse was at home, little in a vehicle. So, safe!
-Also, it's a place where all my inside people focused on life's basics; no-one felt trumped by another's wants/needs as they were the needs of the body and no extras (decor, etc), and we lived entirely in the moment (no fridge) which also helped as inside people were about to/being discovered. I had yet to see a trauma therapist for did/mpd.
-The vehicle reminded us of our body "vehicle"; and as such, was the closest thing to inside-outside "matching". For some reason, the truth of the inside matching the outside was helpful in finding what was honest and real about what was going on with us. (Abuse was very covert and made our head confused, so this was a welcome honesty.)

I enjoyed it. We (one body, many felt insiders) hung out, alone mostly, journalling or talking to our selves... and yes, in our car. Much like a human hangs out in their body (obviously), but as a dissociative being, we never really had. It gave us a tangible way to see what living in our body (or in this case, a vehicle body) would feel like. First time I ever really felt "normal" like everyone else; contained, one moving being with all the parts contained within it.

I took it day by day. It ended up being 3 months. (we'd done it before, but never this consciously). I think I solved something, and don't feel a need to go back. Now I'm working through similar re-structuring of inside people (and new triggers) by being in a home. Lots of work. Quite rewarding though. I'm different because of it!

 

[blue moon]

I do that ,too. I feel safer and calmer in my car, as opposed to my house. I spend a lot of time in my car, but It get can difficult as there is not enough space , and you get bored after a while. Plus, its winter time and its getting very cold in my town.

I don't exactly understand what your issue is here? Is is that you feel totally spaced out in the car and that makes you concerned?

 

[Eagle3]

My truck is also my safe place. I had a camper shell on it, but had to sell it for work. I've slept in my truck so many times, it feels more like home to me than any other place. There is the feeling of being able to leave at a moment's notice, never being trapped, being completely cut off from all external stimuli. No one else can get to me without my permission. Total freedom, I can pick up and leave whenever I want to. If I could make a stove and fridge for it, I wouldn't have a single problem living in my truck for a good long time. Cars and vans don't do the same thing (too many car wrecks and vehicular emergencies in those, i hallucinate), but trucks and SUV's are safe and secure for me. Explains why I love my delivery job so much, I spend a lot of time just driving around in my truck. I also tend to think too much and burst into tears while driving or in my truck, but I recover quickly.

Sometimes we just want to feel safe for as long as possible, and zone out when we do so that we don't have to deal with the shit going through our heads. I like the idea of writing out or maybe just talking out and recording what is going through your head while you are in your car. Once you find a good therapist you two can go over what is going on that way. The brain tends to constantly rehash something its working on, so by getting to a conclusion somehow, the zoning out should start to decrease.

 

[Smile]

I don't exactly understand what your issue is here? Is is that you feel totally spaced out in the car and that makes you concerned?

My issue is that it disables my productivity. Most days (& sometimes night) I end up spending all my time in my car. While my house is a wreck. And there's just a lot of things I "should" be doing as a functioning person that can't be done from inside a parked car.

 

[Smile]

@mil and @Eagle3, thank you for your insight! What you say definitely clicks in me. @Eagle3, although most of the time my car feels safer sometimes people will come up to my window and say something silly like hello or "can I have a cigarette?" And I jump out of my skin. The trembling starts and than I usually have to go home and into bed.

I have started seeing a trauma T recently so yes, eventually I hope she will be able to help me with this. I gotta tell you though, the difference between a regular T and a Trauma specialist is worlds apart! I'm so happy I made the switch!

 

[blue moon]

My issue is that it disables my productivity. Most days (& sometimes night) I end up spending all my time in my car. While my house is a wreck. And there's just a lot of things I "should" be doing as a functioning person that can't be done from inside a parked car.

I see. That is certainly true. well, that's one of the things about PTSD, it reduces functioning, cause you have to put a lot of effort into controlling the symptoms, so it does limit other things.