I may or may not have PTSD myself as I was sexually abused for nearly all of my youth. I have never been diagnosed but what I've read about PTSD in trying to understand what's going on with my boyfriend leads me to believe that my depression, insomnia, alcohol use, loss of memories of even good and bad, and my ultimately scary ability to make people dead to me with ease are possibly my own manifestation of PTSD.
That being said, I have been in a relationship with someone for about 7 months who was upfront about his nightmares, PTSD, and depression after wounded in combat and becoming disabled from the military. He opened up to me in the beginning even with details of the war and his nightmares and it was indeed a whirlwind romance. At first there was an abundance of love and affection and an outward pouring of attention and gifts/gestures. Steadily over the last three weeks I have realized, in retrospect, a slow pull or withdrawal from me. Less and less attention and less and less declarations of love. Almost the opposite of how things used to be.
The contrast was what hurt the worst. I wrote him letters comparing him to the man he had been and to the man he had become and broke up with him because I felt I deserved more and never once did he acknowledge my feelings. I shut him out for two days and he didn't try to contact me either. All this during the weeks of slow withdrawal. Never once had he shut me out the way that I had done to him, which is the way I've always dealt with pain. I didn't ignore him I just refused to see him or didn't reach out to him. Then last week, he shut me out entirely.
At first I was angry but realized I had done the same. Many attempts were made by me to reach out to him with nothing. I was so hurt it started to make me crazy. After much badgering he finally said he was in a depressed state and needed a few days to get right. I gave him a few days, still nothing. Finally, this weekend, I hit a point of near insanity and told him how much I loved him, how amazing what we have is and that I'm not giving up, how he could ignore me but I wasn't going away, how could he see me beg but not respond.
I read a lot about PTSD sufferers shutting people out and believe I'm only beginning to understand and not everyone is the same. I was able to get a response this morning telling me he was sorry for not talking to me but he needed to stop for a little bit to "get stable" and that we will talk this week. I'm afraid I may have handled this all the wrong way. I feel like my failure to give him space is going to ruin everything, despite the fact that he's told me before space leads to people being dead to him like me.
I'm so confused. I reacted the way that I did because I believe that if you love someone you fight even sacrificing your own pride. I would want someone to fight for me. Unless and until I told them to go away. What can I do to make things better? How can I be supportive without taking things personally? How much space is too much space when you have the ability to shut your emotions off? Maybe it is me and something I did. Maybe it's not. Any advice, harsh or not, is appreciated........
That being said, I have been in a relationship with someone for about 7 months who was upfront about his nightmares, PTSD, and depression after wounded in combat and becoming disabled from the military. He opened up to me in the beginning even with details of the war and his nightmares and it was indeed a whirlwind romance. At first there was an abundance of love and affection and an outward pouring of attention and gifts/gestures. Steadily over the last three weeks I have realized, in retrospect, a slow pull or withdrawal from me. Less and less attention and less and less declarations of love. Almost the opposite of how things used to be.
The contrast was what hurt the worst. I wrote him letters comparing him to the man he had been and to the man he had become and broke up with him because I felt I deserved more and never once did he acknowledge my feelings. I shut him out for two days and he didn't try to contact me either. All this during the weeks of slow withdrawal. Never once had he shut me out the way that I had done to him, which is the way I've always dealt with pain. I didn't ignore him I just refused to see him or didn't reach out to him. Then last week, he shut me out entirely.
At first I was angry but realized I had done the same. Many attempts were made by me to reach out to him with nothing. I was so hurt it started to make me crazy. After much badgering he finally said he was in a depressed state and needed a few days to get right. I gave him a few days, still nothing. Finally, this weekend, I hit a point of near insanity and told him how much I loved him, how amazing what we have is and that I'm not giving up, how he could ignore me but I wasn't going away, how could he see me beg but not respond.
I read a lot about PTSD sufferers shutting people out and believe I'm only beginning to understand and not everyone is the same. I was able to get a response this morning telling me he was sorry for not talking to me but he needed to stop for a little bit to "get stable" and that we will talk this week. I'm afraid I may have handled this all the wrong way. I feel like my failure to give him space is going to ruin everything, despite the fact that he's told me before space leads to people being dead to him like me.
I'm so confused. I reacted the way that I did because I believe that if you love someone you fight even sacrificing your own pride. I would want someone to fight for me. Unless and until I told them to go away. What can I do to make things better? How can I be supportive without taking things personally? How much space is too much space when you have the ability to shut your emotions off? Maybe it is me and something I did. Maybe it's not. Any advice, harsh or not, is appreciated........
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