I Must Be Too Complex For Proper Medical Attention..... Ever.

[goingonhope]

I found most comments late enough last night that it was too late to call Docotor, but ended up deciding to take myself to the ER at midnight anyhow and not wait til the following morning due to how frightening an experience I had yesterday morning. And, resulting from most helpful comments.

They all have been most helpful. :tup:

If it was a cardiac event, and you wait, you risk stroke, sudden cardiac death....or possibly enough death of your heart muscle that you live with an oxygen tank and never have the stamina to do anything with your family.

Above was especially helpful in my decision to go to the ER last night.

Things are busy here right now, I keep getting interrupted at home, and I'm unable to think straight and need to get my treatment plan down and prescriptions filled before I up and forget.

((Hugs to you All)) & Thank You.

...I want to, and will say more it's just that interruptions here are making it impossible for now.

 

[BloomInWinter]

I hope you are feeling better and that you were able to get some rest.

I hope you don't hate me too much. It's not my intent to frighten or annoy, or cost you unnecessary pain. My apologies for doing so.

 

[goingonhope]

No BloomInWinter, I communicated all wrong if you think that you added to my worries. You subtracted from my worries! Fact! I was taken care of at the ER. I received the services that I needed. So much more to say and no time right now. I'm gonna go drop off prescriptions of predinsone and antibiotic. In addition I have a albuterol inhaler and a new GP doctor and my ER follow-up is scheduled.

You have helped me, help myself significantly. :) I so appreciate you, just the way you're.

Hope

ps. I edited my above post for a better understanding.

 

[BloomInWinter]

Thank you so much for letting me know! I was worried I'd added to someone's difficulties...never mean to do that!

 

[goingonhope]

Hope,

You need to make time to go to the doctor. Nothing is more important than your health and the symptoms you described are serious. If this happens again, please seek medical attention.

You are worth it!
Deb

Thank you Deb!

Honestly I get confused because when I do remember that I am worth it, it seems that not all others (and people I respect) are in agreement and quite so sure of me being worth it as well. This always, always deeply hurts;

Another's indifferent attitude and resentful beliefs, which to frequently has been held towards me has been poorly redirecting and conditioning me to go ahead and not only think, but I am suppose to know that I am not necessarily worth it. .....And, what is my problem? These such messages are ripping me apart and undermining everything I do; It hurts.

So thank you again Deb, for sharing simple truths that mean a whole lot to me, as I can both lose my belief in them and all on my own, and I am encouraged to lose belief in these as well.

Yes, people in need of medical care need to make time to go to the doctor; Nothing is more important then our health; We are worth it! There are no exceptions.

Take it easy Deb, and thank you.

Hope

 

[goingonhope]

Your errands may well be very important, especially your son's medical appointment and such like, but your health is equally important. You need to be well to look after your family and run these errands.

I read somewhere on this forum that the hardest thing for a Ptsd sufferer to do is relinquish control and it made good sense to me reading it. It made such good sense to me that I recalled this when attempting to get my son to his appt. yesterday.

So I really was in no good health or condition to be forcing this appt. to happen, despite its importance, I just couldn't do it. I made it seventy-five percent of the way there when my son and I, and almost precisely at the same time, figured it's time to turn around.

We did and he missed his appointment. For survival purpose I took us all out to eat at a good restraunt and we all took care of our needs, ate well, and turned that too great of stress, around and ended up enjoying each other and this time together. His appt. is rescheduled for tommorrow.

So I guess the idea that turned us literally around was that it was best and safest if I didn't try and force that appt. to happen. I wasn't at all physically well enough to be making this trip in the first place and then that pressure, timing, traffic, my anxiety and increasing confusion, it all was simply becoming an obstacle not worth it anymore for that day.

Thanks for the support CherryBlossom!

Hope

 

[seedling]

goh - so glad you went to the ER and also didn't go to your son's appt. Our needs don't always come at convenient times but they cry for our attention anyway.
I'm just so relieved that you got checked out. Hope all is well and a better day.

 

[goingonhope]

Our needs don't always come at convenient times but they cry for our attention anyway.

So true seedling. This morning I have felt entirely too awful from shortness of breath and this acute Bronchitis, as well as, the medicine I was given. I'm unable to do anything significant and yet my children are home with requests to go places and do things.

I'm writing here just how absolutely awful and guility I feel about me being so sick just so that I don't start feeling guiltier and guilter as these home requests are being met with No for answers; I'm being sensitive in my No responses, ....but guess what they still mean No, not today.

Yesterday while speaking with my husband, he pointed out to me that my cough is not only bad, but that it is terrible and indirectly helped me to remember that by my telling the doctor that I had it (broncospasms) with vomiting, for weeks now, is let me say inaccurate, as I have had this, and quite bad for many, many months now.

I certainly didn't intend to be misleading at the ER, in responding with wks. for my answer, rather then more truthfully it being a lot longer. As it was I struggled a great deal with memory, thought, word-recall, response-time and having to ask both Doctor and nurse to repeat themselves. I think that this miscommunication surrounding (duration) of time had to do with (my memory) and me not knowing then how to answer outside of multiple choices: days or weeks. ........I wasn't able to respond quickly, clearly or perfectly accurate the other night at ER, because certainly it has been more like reoccurring and as of late, it's been months adding up to at least a yr.

I will say though that the Doctor and nurses were most professional, even friendly and helpful and shared with me a whole new experience of an ER.

I must do little to nothing now; doing this really stinks, especially as I am feeling increasingly guiltier and guilter for doing so little, and by the moment.

 

[goingonhope]

Yesterday after saying how guilty I felt from being ill with bronchitis, I rested for about 20 min.'s and then got up anyway and took my children out and brought them to their Dad, as son had rescheduled appt. to make. I returned home only to have an unexpected visit from in-laws for a few hrs. Then last night after supper I went back out again to ask for some help, but this felt like nothing more then a mistake.

Last night was really painful, before arriving back home and then once again home, but someone helped me and I got through it and I was reminded of what I must do next.

As I said somewhere else upon the forum, I have been exposed an awful lot lately. This has been tougher to process then I'd expected. For instance, though I did remarkably well the other night in the ER considering everything, even before I left there I pretty badly shaken after overhearing the nurses talking about picking up the phone and getting an interpretator there for another patient. I couldn't help but wonder, How possible it would have been for nurses to have picked up the phone and permitted me a plastic surgeon the night that I needed one.

After seeing nurses, tech's and while waiting for the Doc., I couldn't help but see some stupid stainless steel tray on wheels there in my room and I had to keep telling myself to look away, breath, stay present and remember where I was and why I was now there; For a whole different reason, in a whole different year. I thought I'd done well.

Something else that was tough to accept was how much the doctor from the other night spoke to me about getting to the bottom of what had occurred with me the other morning.

He stayed there, he looked straight at me, he talked to me, he listened to me, he had tech's run appropriate tests, he told me that I may be hospitalized afterwards for further tests, he came back into my room when I'd had a brochitis coughing attack and he made professional decisions and conclusions. HE WAS PROFESSIONAL.

Can you imagine that someone getting paid to actually do there job, and then do more. He didn't have to talk to me, he didn't have to listen, he could've just known, right? No!

One look at me and he might of known, I can mistreat her. I don't even have to treat her. I don't even have to talk to her until I'm good and f'n ready. And, if that means she doesn't get what she needs by coming here, then tough sh't for her. What's the likelihood she's gonna be able to do anything about it? She has Ptsd, she told us so. She's already fck'd, ......I can choose, ...so in my evil egotism I'll offer her more to manage and regret.

The craziest thing about it was that I was far better able the night of my auto accident to communicate clear and well, and to ask questions, ....then I was the other night and yet even these good attempts recently were received professionally.

I'm relearning that all ER medical professionals do not carry along with them on their jobs, the rotten attitude, carelessness, egotism and negligent choices that some may.

 

[BloomInWinter]

(((((((goingonhope))))))))

I felt like that awfulness in the ER was my work environment...and I do believe the stress of being a good person there in that has killed several of my co-workers through early heart disease, cancer, etc.

I'm so sorry you had a bad experience before. I always felt guilty for the mistreatment our patients would get. Often. Ongoing. From the same people. Many of whom still work in the field.

UGH.

 

[seedling]

You did so well in the ER. I'm sure part of the equation for the people working there is that they know they can't be getting ALL the facts correctly from patients who aren't feeling well and are under stress. The doctor listened well enough and long enough to know what he needed to know and to treat you. He might have been thinking the Opposite of what you imagined he might be, knowing that you had PTSD - for example: "this woman is obviously very sick or she wouldn't be here. It's hard for her to be here and deal with doctors and nurses so I have to be extra patient so I can find out what she needs from me." That's what he was really thinking!

You can let your children know that you can't doing everything they want you to. That mommy needs something from them, sometimes when it's the last thing they've planned. I think they would get a boost from knowing that they've helped you get better. How to beat the guilty part - I don't know, let me know if you figure it out :) You could pat yourself on the back for helping them build character!

Take care, hope the medication helps soon.

 

[goingonhope]

The doctor listened well enough and long enough to know what he needed to know and to treat you. He might have been thinking the Opposite of what you imagined he might be, knowing that you had PTSD - for example: "this woman is obviously very sick or she wouldn't be here. It's hard for her to be here and deal with doctors and nurses so I have to be extra patient so I can find out what she needs from me." That's what he was really thinking!

This is great seedling because it reminds me of great progress which I'd made over many years. I don't believe I've lost this progress too from this most challenging last year and a half.

My thoughts are that I generally don't ever attempt anymore to imagine what people are thinking. Rather, I listen to them and watch practically there every non-verbal communication, as well as listen to what's being said of course; This is very much a part of me. I don't always let others know I'm doing so, because I don't want to weird them out. But I am usually very, very attentive. And, I could be so even with a number of people in the room.

I sometimes fear I might have lost this after my accident; That thought is rather scary, because I rely so heavily upon my ability to pay great attention to, see the details and follow every, or the majority of communications going on, whether they're directed to me or surrounding. (Of course I need to be able to see and to hear in order to do this.) There may be one exception to this nature and that being if I were to briefly dissociate.

This level of attentiveness all has had its pro's and con's. I see, read and hear details of communication that nobody would want to have to process, and especially when it's ugly.

On the other hand however, I've been validated time and time again, throughout my life, and in numerous welcomed ways that what I am seeing and perceiving is accurate. And, I'm a person to ask questions, so what I don't already see and understand, and don't know get's filled in and I'm given what's missing.