I Need Advice in Learning How to Apologize

[nic]

I am working as a gymnastics instructor at a local day camp for the summer. I love the kids, but I'm not loving the job. (It's really exhausting work in a hot, gross gym, and the pay isn't too good.) Anyway, I was getting along with the other gymnastics instructors--there are four of us--for the first week or two, but last week and this week things they did (or didn't do) started to frustrate me. My frustration was justified for the most part, (and the other instructors were talked to by the supervisors), but I let it all get the better of me, and I sort of made a bad situation worse.

Things were a bit better at the end of the day today, but as I reflect back upon the past week, I realize that my PTSD/OCD did perhaps play a role in what happened. I have always thought that the PTSD doesn't affect my attitude or work persona, but I guess it does...at least when I get upset. I know I can be a perfectionist, but I have to learn that not everyone is the same way, and just because things aren't 100% perfect (or the way I want them to be) doesn't mean that I should flip out.

So even though things were a bit better by the end of the day today, I'm thinking that I should apologize to my co-workers. The problem is, I'm not good at doing this. I don't want the apology to condone their poor behavior or to put the blame on me. I also don't want to get into detail about my "issues." That being said, how can I apologize for being a bit of a bitc#, or at least more of a bitc# than I needed to be?

 

[kers]

First off, it's awesome that you are able to step back and judge your behavior more objectively. That's huge!

I have found that apologizing is like ripping off a band-aid: best done fast and cleanly! Most people are willing to listen to an apology, but it needn't be a lengthy, drawn-out affair (in fact, it goes best when it is short and to the point).

It seems like you already know what you want to say:

I know I can be a perfectionist, but I have to learn that not everyone is the same way, and just because things aren't 100% perfect (or the way I want them to be) doesn't mean that I should flip out.

 

[Deleted member 93]

I have to agree, so awesome you see and get you were being a bit... errr uptight. It takes a 2x4 for me :) Any who I would suggest a very broad apology. I am sorry I acted like this about that... I was having one of "those days". See thing about one of "those days" is it can be PTSD full blown to a hang nail. No one needs to know! It is accepted pretty much everywhere like master card long as not used often! It could mean bad day because hubby screwing nanny, GF screwing nanny, PMS, dog died, cat barfed in shoe. It was just a bad day and you bit off heads (I am so guessing as that is when people get real nice here). They do not need to know why. I agree keep it short and simple. No details. Again, kuddos on the recognition.

 

[anthony]

That is PTSD Nic... others minor issues frustrate us more than someone typically without PTSD. This is all about relearning certain strategies on how to think, etc. All covered in the various information sections though already.

 

[becvan]

I think a good strategy is to look at what you like and don't like about apologies given to you.

For example: I don't like apologies that come with a "but" to it. As soon as I hear that, then it's no longer an apology but an excuse. I don't like fingers being pointed as in: I'm sorry I acted out because you did this.. etc..

Then you can model your apologies according to what you do like and don't, and then you have something solid to base how to go about it..

I think it's a good place to start anyways.. lol :dontknow:

bec

 

[Deleted member 541]

Nic,

We have spoken on this issue in private, and from what you told me then....I'm not sure that you need to apologize. Personally I think that your co workers are immature, don't have a sense of responsibility, lack care and concern for others, and are down right LAZY!!!!!!!!

That said....If you feel that you need to apologize, be brief, and DON'T take on any thing that you don't have to.

 

[Seeking_Nirvana]

I have to apologize all of the time for my behavior so I went into google and typed in "How to Apologize Effectively" and found some great ways to apologize that are sincere.

Good Luck
Tammy

 

[anthony]

Totally agree bec... the "but" implies not an apology, instead an attempt to shift some of the blame upon x... usually the person being apologised too. I try myself if needing to get a "but" moment across in two sentences, not using "but". Example: I am sorry I did that and I am at fault for my words and the way I spoke with you. The reason I did this was because you mentioned x to me and it is a sensitive topic to me so I responded without thinking first. My fault, again sorry.

I try and leave "but" out of things, instead apologise and then explain further IF something a person said set me off... more so they know why I did x and hopefully also learn... though still own my own stuff regardless. Pride bites me in the arse often.

I absolutely give it to Nicolette at times when I am right about something... which isn't often. So when I am... I make the most of the moment. He he...

 

[becvan]

Oh I love that idea of making the but into a whole other sentence! I usually just give blunt apologies (I'm sure that doesn't surprise anyone here! lol) I can't recall a single situation in RL where I have explained a trigger. I'm going to try this next time the appropriate situation happens!

I know the feeling. I'm rarely ever right with my partner too. I try to revel in the moment when I am right! :rofl:

bec

 

[nic]

So here's the update...

I didn't apologize. Here's the thing: I thought about what it was I was actually apologizing for. My co-workers are most pissed off that I "told on them" to my boss. They think I'm a rat. BUT, they weren't doing their jobs, which made my job a lot harder. Also, when it comes to kids, safety comes first, and if I were put in the same position again, I would pretty much do the same thing. On top of that, their behavior hasn't really changed. Therefore, I've decided not to apologize.

I do realize that no situation is going to be perfect, and that I do have an issue with being OCD...I think I'll write more about that in my diary.