Relationship I Need Advice On Helping My Gf With Ptsd

[Hammer]

I need advice on how to help my girlfriend and her PTSD. We have been together almost a year and have had our ups and downs, financially, emotionally, and physically. I have always tried to be really intimate with her, she is beautiful, sexy, and I just always enjoy being close to her. Sometimes she would shrug off intimacy and I admit it I would pout about it and be annoyed because if my own insecurities, I work away from home on oil rigs and the last month has been horrible, she keeps going on about emotional abuse and sexual abuse, I was always under the impression that sexual abuse was "physically abusing" someone? I don't know where she is coming from and it annoys me and especially her. I am trying to figure out what I have done to trigger her and learn how to fix it. I know you can't fix someone but there has to be some advice... thanks.

 

[BlackbirdSinging]

I was always under the impression that sexual abuse was "physically abusing" someone? I don't know where she is coming from and it annoys me and especially her.

It's always good to ask questions about things you don't understand. I'm not a professional but I'm a sufferer. And I can tell you that sexual abuse and physical abuse aren't quite the same thing. People who have been sexually abused have had unwanted sexual behavior forced on them.

I think if you're having trouble understanding where she's coming from you can try asking her if she's comfortable explaining it to you. And if she isn't there is a LOT of information on this website and on the internet that you can look up and read to get more of an understanding. I think if it's annoying you to not know where she's coming from then reading and asking more questions can help you understand.

 

[Barberian]

Just be there for her is the best advice I can give. If she needs space, give it to her, but let her know your still there for her.

I suggest you DON'T try to "help" her through it. Leave that for the mental health care professionals. I've seen far too often when people try to help, even with the best of intentions, they end up getting hurt, or hurting those they are trying to help in the process.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Sexual abuse isn't always physical. Sometimes its an adult forcing a child to watch sexually explicit movies (ie porn) or exposing them to sexual images. There are other types of sexual abuse that don't involve physical touching. These are just a few examples.

 

[NovemberStar]

I'm struggling to understand your post. On one hand, it would seem you have the sensitivity to actively look for and find online, a site about PTSD and the effects it has on people, yet on the other hand, what you've expressed is far form any form of sensitivity. Might just be me, but it's hard to connect the two, and my gut instinct is you're trolling.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Please just ignore @NovemberStar. I see absolutely positively nothing that you've said that indicates you are trolling. I do think you're seeking out help so I'm sorry you've been given a virtual smack in the face. I know I'd be a bit shocked if I reached out for help and because I didn't fully understand something I was accused of trolling. I hope you keep posting because you can learn a lot here.

@NovemberStar,
I'm a bit shocked that you accuse someone of trolling when they're just looking for help. I hope that the next time you reach out for help in a new place that you aren't treated as such. Nobody deserves that.

 

[NovemberStar]

As I said, I might very well be wrong, and I am sorry if that is the case. I did flag your post for admin to check, purely because your posting style really made me think you were a recently banned member - and clearly if admin thought that was the case, you wouldn't be still on here - so I do apologize.

Your post makes a bit more sense since the typo's and grammatical errors were fixed, it reads completely differently now in term of context and overall tone. I agree with the others, take some time to read through many of the articles written about PTSD on here, and how it affects a person. But because we are all different, and PTSD is different for everyone, your GF would be the best one to be able to explain how it affects her, and why she feels and thins the way she does. If she is seeing a T, perhaps you could ask to go to as session with her, so her T could help you understand, and the two of you can work through communication and clarify some things so that you have a better understanding?

 

[Hammer]

I'm unsure as to what "trolling"is?
I have never been banned from here cause I have never had to do this , I knew she had PTSD from the beginning and should have looked into this long ago.

I admit I have been a bit of a jerk latly based on my own insecurities not being home,she has boundaries issues and has a hard time saying no to people and that makes my mind go off on itself.

 

[NovemberStar]

'Trolling' is when someone goes online with the sole purpose to cause trouble. There has been a spate of 'new' members lately that were in fact old members, pretending to be new ones, and trying to cause a lot of chaos and havoc on here. The Admins are pretty good at working it out and they don't last on here for long. Sometimes a person will 'troll' because they are bored - they will join any online forums and 'have a bit of fun' pretending to have issues or questions they don't - they just want to either stir trouble OR create a whole new persona who has a lot of drama.

I admit, it was largely the huge number of spelling and grammatical errors that made me so suspicious, because when signing up, the rules are SO CLEAR as to the importance of correct spelling, sentences etc and your original post had so many typo's, spelling errors, incorrect placing of punctuation etc - and it just seemed far too many to have been accidental (and especially given the multiple references to reading the rules upon signing up). Add to that, with so many errors, it was almost impossible to decipher the TONE of what you were saying. No doubt, you will have already received warning points from admin for this- and if you / anyone of us get too many, we are banned.

Oh, and I also felt offended at the way you describe the difficulties with your GF - the 'she keeps going on' [about emotional abuse and sexual abuse'] - was not the most sensitive way to put it.

Anyway - I've said more than enough; again - I apologies if I was mistaken. I will leave the other good folk on here to answer your questions.

 

[Hammer]

Thanks for the reply Novemberstar.

I agree that referring to her as "going on about it" was Absolutly wrong and not the way to say that,I have gone over everything we have talked about or everything I have been accused of saying that has been "emotionally abusive" and I can't see it, I am unsure what I have done that has been emotionally abusive, I try to be open with her and pretty much ask whatever is on my mind because I am 100% all about communication but it seems anything I say is the wrong thing to say.

I have been trying to explain to her that I was unaware that there are other forms of sexual abuse other then physically forcing someone to have sex, which I have never done before

 

[Barberian]

Sometimes people do something called transference <--- Wiki link. Transference is assigning a trait from someone in their past to a new person, regardless if it applies or not. I don't know your situation, but this may be something to think about.

Example 1: I have never hit my wife in anger or intentionally. My wife coming from an abusive past, sometimes freaks out if my hands get too close to her face, thinking I am about to strike her.

Example 2: My wife's father was, um, less than faithful to his wedding vows. My wife has severe trust issues if I am alone with another woman regardless of the setting or situation. I have never given her a reason not to trust me, but because of her past, she thinks ALL men cheat and have affairs.

Example 3: In arguments from long ago (she doesn't do this much anymore), I would realize after a while she was not arguing with me, what she was saying, and bringing into the argument was issues from past relationships. This was VERY difficult for me, for a long time. How could I win an argument that had roots with other people, and what THEY had done to her. Not me.

As I said in my previous post in this thread. I strongly suggest that you don't try to "fix" her. If your interested in keeping the relationship going, simply roll with the punches, and let her know your there for her. This takes the patience and humility of a saint. Encourage, but don't demand she seek professional help. Even couples counseling. This may take a while, a long while or never for some people. PTSD is a lifelong journey, are you willing to join her on this journey knowing it will be a lifelong task? It can be difficult or near impossible at times. The rewards, I can not describe with words because it is different for each person. Some people are cut out for it, others... not so much.

 

[Hammer]

I am willin to be with her for the long haul,I want her to realize that as well