I need help dealing with moods triggered by memories!

[ailie]

As a child I was seduced by an adult male between the ages of six until I was eighteen. Around four years ago I made a decision to go to court as this was the only way I could see that I could confront my abuser. Since the commital hearing two years ago I have barely coped.

He was sentenced more than twelve months ago and I have received compensation. My friends are telling me to move on from this, that is all over. I hear myself making statements such as 'it happened a long time ago' and 'I am an adult now, I should be over this.' I feel like I am a failure for not being well by now. This feeds self-recrimination and frustration which in turn feeds depression. I need to stop this, but I am uncertain how.

To add to these feelings my boyfriend was wearing Pajamas that were a dead ringer for what that family friend who harmed me wore and its fed that frustration and depression. I do not want to become suicidal, and I do not want to be admitted to hospital. I am hoping someone here may be able to give me suggestions on how to deal with these thoughts. I have tried distraction, CBT and DBT and nothing seemed to help.

 

[Tosh]

I am no expert, but what your dealing with is very similar to my situation. I think you are being hard on yourself, which makes everything else worse. So first of all, try to shut up that condisending voice in your head, you know the one. The one that is telling you the things like "you should be over this by now" cause that voice is wrong! Don't agree with it, don't accept it, just try to ignore it and turn it off. This takes practice but does get easier the more you do it. So I had to picture a friend, and let's say this friend is telling you the things that you wrote about above. What would you say to her/him? Would you tell your friend they should be over it by now? Now if you can tell your friend things like: It wasen't your fault, wounds take time to heal, etc. Then you should be telling those things to yourself. Learn to be your own best friend, not your own enemy. (I had to do this)

Okay now for the pajamas, it was a trigger for you. Do your best to eliminate triggers, if your boyfriend is understanding maybe you could explain to him why you do not like when he wears those pajamas. Set some healthy boundaries.

Emotions, this is a tough one! I find that I have to let them pass, but sometimes it takes awhile. Sometimes it takes me days to get through one strong emotional flashback. So how do I deal? Well, for starters self nuture. Do things that make you feel good, like a hot bath, gardening, reading, funny movies, whatever you like. It won't make it go away, but it helps me deal while I'm waiting for it to pass. I also listen to relaxation music and do the safe place meditation. I go therapy weekly too. The thing that helps me the most are the meds. I'm on a couple SSRI's and they help to keep my depression under control most of the time. It gave me my life back (well, partially) and got me out of the dark, scary, place I was in for awhile. I keep tell myself "this too shall pass" and "it's only feelings" just about anything to ground me back in reality agian.

 

[Tosh]

The thing that helped me the most with the thoughts was imagining it happened to a friend, then thinking about what I would say to her, then saying it to myself. I did this in therapy with a psycologist and it really helped me. Everyone's different though, I hope you find something that works for you. Sending hope and support you way!

 

[ailie]

My boyfriend and I have disgussed the issue of the pjs but he will not compromise regarding the material and I feel he should not have to change anything. He has his own issues including suspected Aspergers, and this makes it more difficult to get him to compromise.