Dom Violence I Need To Leave My Partner.

[Teasel]

Thanks @void :) It's been such a mind*****

 

[Teasel]

It has taken me a while to reach out to the local DV service - I was frightened that it wouldn't go well - either I wouldn't be eligible for help because of there not being physical violence - or i feared they would be disgusted with me for having the gall to want help when other people really need it.

I spoke to someone today who was really nice actually, am going to see them in a couple of days, they've said they will try and fast track me into a support group, that I can go to a refuge, that another organisation can help me with finding accomodation after. Amazing!

Am feeling fearful, and still kind of can't quite believe that I've been believed, and taken seriously and can get help to leave.

When I told my T I was thinking of contacting DV helpline she reacted with such astonishment - each time I've tried to talk about how bad our relationship has been I found my words drying up fast, I didn't feel believed at all and I felt such shame. As if i was nasty and deluded somehow for even thinking she'd fall for such obvious lies.... This week though it felt like she didn't think it wrong for me to get help. I guess every time I tried to tell anyone what it's been like they've not believed me, except for here, and to the DV support worker.

Am so grateful you all believed me, means ever such a lot, and am sure I wouldn't have reached out for help otherwise. So glad I opened up here that day.

Feeling ever so sad too that I'll have to leave him, I'll miss him! And be so sorry to hurt him, part of me really doesn't want to leave!

For the first time in I don't know how long I've some hope my life might actually get better, that it's possible at least even if I've no idea how I'll cope.

Still frightened when I see the support worker and talk in more depth that they will say I'm sorry but you've got it all wrong what you are describing isn't abuse at all and it's nasty of you to try and steal a place in a refuge from a woman who really needs it.

I guess I can bring this fear up with them?

 

[joeylittle]

the first time in I don't know how long I've some hope my life might actually get better, that it's possible at least even if I've no idea how I'll cope.

It's really great to read this, @Berlinda. You are doing a really big and brave thing, and you do deserve the support you are looking for.

Thinking of you.

 

[Teasel]

Thanks so much @joeylittle :) means a lot

 

[barefoot]

Great that you are feeling hopeful for the first time in ages. This is a huge step and a big deal - you have shown real courage and grit. Power to you! And I do not doubt that the support worker will continue to offer you the help you deserve to assist you with your next steps.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I believe you and think that by breaking your silence it was the first brave step to get yourself free. You are being very brave and I think you are on your way to your freedom. I also have the books recomend and they are excellent resources to depend on. Underline the parts that you need for fast referral it will help you to hold onto your truth. You deserve so much good and healing in your life.

 

[It's ok to be scared]

When I left my ex, I had to do so on the sly even though there had never been physical abuse. The problem is they can escalate, and are most likely to do so when they know you are leaving. Maybe he's "not so bad" and "not really an abuser" in the eyes of others but your opinion is all that matters. I've always found domestic violence organizations (like women shelters) to be helpful with connecting you with resources, even if they don't have a room to offer. You can do this.

 

[Teasel]

I'm still with him. Things are still very very hard. But I am in touch with an organisation who I hope to get a refuge space from. Sometime in the next 2 months.

I keep reading the verbally abusive relationship by Patricia Evans. As it speaks to me.

My Dad died recently, lung cancer, it was very quick. My partner has been extra abusive lately. My Dad had said he would let me have some money to leave but then he ws diagnosed with cancer.

I have been spending time with my brother to sort out my Dad's estate. My brother is even more alcoholic and abusive than my partner. So I am not going to stay with him anymore.

I am tired.

 

[Casey_03]

Hang in there @Berlinda. You're on the right track if you're making moves to get out; you will suffer setbacks, but please keep your eye on the prize and keep moving towards a new life. I'm sorry to hear about your father. I don't really have any inspiring words or groundbreaking advice to offer you. You already know you need to get out, and that's the most important thing.

 

[ms spock]

Thinking of you today @Berlinda!

I am practicing Self Compassion - it has been crucial in my recovery - anyway it is what I have to share today and I wanted to share it with you.
http://self-compassion.org/wp-content/uploads/2015/12/self-compassion.break_.mp3

I am so glad that you got "The Verbally Abusive Relationship" by Patricia Evans.

Hold on and keep going!

 

[Freedomfighter]

Emotionally abusive and has been for years. Gaslighting. I ended up thinking I loved him. Gave up my c...

Yes, yes I remember that feeling when your perpetrator realizes that you are afraid of him. That is what my stalker did, from the very beginning. As soon as I would refuse him he would wait for me in different places, not look at me, was just standing where he knew I would walk by and would startle me by spurting out in an odd loud angry voice: said my name with this odd loud resonance. It used to cut through me like a knife.