Luna_Moth
Silver Member
Throughout my whole life I’ve had developmental trauma since I was 4 at most. That quickly turned into Complex-PTSD once I turned 5 years old.
My grandmother, on my mother’s side, has only been part of my life for three years out of the three decades I’ve lived due to her living halfway across the world. Despite all that, she had the audacity to deny that I have trauma and explicitly told me what my life was really like before telling me she doesn’t believe me a handful of months ago. She even told me that I was put in residential treatment for what I “think” I have as opposed to the professional opinions of psychologists, therapists, and a psychiatrist.
I was extremely upset to be told this and brought it up to my great aunt, who is one of my biggest supporters other than her daughter. She told me that she was upset with her sister and would talk to her. Then mentioned that it might me best if I don’t bring this up with other family members since they might not believe me.
The next day my grandmother sends me a whole paragraph of text. She never mentioned anything that we discussed and instead brought up how I was her first grandchild and how much she and my grandfather, who is now deceased, loved me. To me it felt like a slap in the face, because she was glossing over what has been said to me and pushed it under the rug.
I’ve always pushed things under the rug to appease my family and this was the last straw, so I blocked her.
—————————-
Not only that, but there has also been issues going on between her and the family.
For one thing, she is a major enabler of her children and I don’t stand for it because it’s f*cked things up for future generations. A huge portion of the family issues are entirely her fault because of this.
An example of this would be her son, who is basically a manchild who had severe animosity with his father. According to my uncle Jo, who is my mother’s sister’s husband, my grandmother’s son Sam was apparently left alone to be taken care of by either a family friend or another relative, when he was a baby/toddler, while my grandparents finished their studies. For some reason, this badly affected Sam and his relationship with his father. Uncle Jo told me that the relationship between my grandpa and Sam were so bad that he got kicked out at 18.
Uncle Sam at one point was a really successful millionaire with his agricultural company. However, that all went away when he would ask my grandfather for advice only to not follow through with it. Instead he would do the opposite of what my grandfather suggested for his business decisions and it would cost his business a ton of money.
He would call my grandmother crying about how he’s lost a bunch his fortune, only to have her give him so much money back that it ended up getting taken out of the family will that would go toward my mother and aunt.
Uncle Jo told me this because he didn’t want me potentially going down the same path as uncle Sam since I don’t have a good relationship with my parents.
My father thinks he has NPD, which I think is f*cking hilarious because my mom shows signs of it herself.
———————————
My mother is a different story and has always been very self-centered. She would always bring up how she had to give up her profession as a doctor to take care of little old me. It was almost like a pat on the back for being a martyr to her failing career. When we get into big fights she would bring it up the most. God forbid a toddler has f*cking PTSD, but you want to pat yourself on the back for being a good mother and staying with your child instead of your job. Newsflash bitch, you’re not the only mom who had to make those sacrifices.
As a toddler, I’ve always been distressed around her but was made to feel like it was my fault for feeling that way.
Any time I would dissociate, she’d flick her fingers in my face to make me pay attention.
I’ve had night terrors as a small little child about getting chased by a big scary monster or man. I would also have nightmares about being kidnapped or being driven in a stranger’s car. It wasn’t until my late 20s that I realized that that is not normal for a lot of children.
I remember being 4 or 5 and thinking I was “peeing blood” when I wasn’t actually peeing blood. I think I was so dissociated and detached from it that it felt like a distant, fleeting thought that I made up.
There was a time when my mother and I were walking during the day and my mind shifts to these two white houses with very small windows. To me they were gigantic because I was so small when I saw them. There was also a room or a hallways I think with beige carpets, but everything fades after that. It was very foggy and kind of dreamlike, but felt too real to be a dream. It also felt too dreamlike to be a memory. My four year old self would question my parents about what it all means, but they would throw it under the rug and say that it meant nothing. It was always very peculiar to me. Now as an adult, I’ve come to the conclusion that I might have gone through a form of derealization, which would explain how my world felt unreal and dreamlike.
When I was 6, my dreams became more sexual. It would involve female protagonists from cartoons being sexually abused by older men. I had the urge to draw nude women all the time. My mother shamed me for it and made me feel dirty and bad and sinful. She made me feel demonized for processing something traumatic in the best way I knew how and I didn’t even realize it at the time.
Many years go by and I ask my mother at the age of 19 to go to therapy with me. She would get defensive and tell me that she’s not the bad guy in the situation.
As I was finishing college, she would torment me about my weight and this would go on for the next few years as I was finishing up college. When I finally had enough and blew up on her, she started telling me that my therapist, who did psychodynamic therapy, has brainwashed me and implanted false memories in my head. This was in response to me telling her I know what she’s try to do with her manipulative antics and that it wasn’t going to work.
My father was in on it too, and they would corner me in my room. They went on to say how I was a complicated child and how my mom couldn’t help it. When they couldn’t convince me that my therapist was influencing me, they started blaming things on the ADHD and Autism. When that didn’t work, they started telling me that I was being misled by the Devil.
My mother even brought up how my family would be “shocked” at my behavior and I told her to tell everyone anyway. Again her antics didn’t work, so she then proceeded to say that allegedly my aunt, whose name is Mari, on my mother’s side said that she “sees right through me”. I called aunt Mari to ask her if this was all true and she denied it. My mom ended up having a mental breakdown and proceeded to cry to my aunt in her native tongue. My aunt put her foot down and told my mother not to get her involved in our family disputes.
When I called my sister, she told me she was upset and that she feels sad that I’m supposedly walking down the wrong path. She wasn’t even home at the time and was several states away while this all happened. So she only went by my mother’s word without looking at the facts.
Towards the end of the night, my parents gathered a list of psych wards to throw me into but I called their bluff and told them to go ahead and call them.
They never did.
………………………
Not only that, but my uncle Jo has also been having issues with them. Mostly with my mother.
According to my cousin K, she says that my mother has been giving her family flack for a very long time. She’d state that my mother was very judgmental of how my aunt and uncle run their home and family. An example would be of how their house is being built from the ground up for the past few years, instead of it being built in a short amount of time. They’re doing this to save money and not run into any debt. My guess is that my mom secretly looks down on them because she has more wealth, but would never outwardly admit it.
Cousin K also informed me that my mother would try to still get my aunt and uncle on her side against me. Another example would be how she overheard my uncle talk about how things are starting to get really irritating to my aunt. This all happened shortly after the huge fight I had with my family.
When my parents and sister went to go visit uncle Jo and aunt Mari, they apparently got into a huge argument when they went out for dinner. This involved my cousin J. I don’t know what happened, but I think it had to do with something he said.
……
Fast forward to several years later and my grandmother was supposed to visit my parents, go on vacation with her children, and then visit her grandchildren with my aunt and uncle.
What I didn’t realize was that my mother apparently wanted my grandma all to herself. My family basically told uncle Jo that his children can drive all the way to Tennessee from Washington to visit my grandma or drive up to them on their vacation to Wyoming. I’m not sure which was which. The problem is that my cousins are unable to due to the fact that one of them has an injury and is working full-time, while the other is going to university full-time.
Basically my family was only going to allow my grandmother to stay with them and have all the grownups go on vacation without the children. There was no leeway come from my parents on whether or not my grandma should come visit his kids. This irked my uncle greatly because my grandmother is in her 80s and may not have a chance to visit again from overseas.
Eventually it got to the point where my uncle got fed up and blew up on them through text. They responded by sending him about 20 messages worth of texts to which he deleted.
It was a few days ago when I realized that he and my parents have not been on speaking terms for about 7 weeks.
To top it all off, my grandmother is apparently aware of all this and, to my knowledge, has said nothing about it. That just adds a whole lot more complications to the relationships between my family and I.
I think what really got to me was when my uncle asked if I wanted to wish my grandmother a happy birthday. I told him that I do not wish to speak to her.
Next thing I know, my parents end up calling me and telling me that I need to fix things with my grandmother. They proceeded to tell me that I hurt her feelings. I tell them that she hurt mine, so they tried to pry and ask me what was said to which I told them it’s none of their business. Then they told me that she might have had some truth to what she was saying and that we don’t treat family this way.
That triggered the f*ck out of me, because now I feel like I’ve been gaslit and guilt tripped for putting up healthy boundaries for myself. My roommate says that I show signs of guilt and she’s probably right. Why do I have to be the one to feel guilty when I’m the one who’s been abused and silenced? This has affected my whole week and I’ve been having somatic responses because of this. I’ve been having poor sleep because of this and it’s really affecting my mental health. So I don’t know if I’m overreacting or if my response is normal for someone with C-PTSD. I’m just tired of having to relate to those who silence me and try to make me out to be a liar.
I wish my other grandma was alive, because she never liked my mother and I feel like she would have believed me and fought for me. I have no love from my last standing grandparent and I feel utterly betrayed.
My grandmother, on my mother’s side, has only been part of my life for three years out of the three decades I’ve lived due to her living halfway across the world. Despite all that, she had the audacity to deny that I have trauma and explicitly told me what my life was really like before telling me she doesn’t believe me a handful of months ago. She even told me that I was put in residential treatment for what I “think” I have as opposed to the professional opinions of psychologists, therapists, and a psychiatrist.
I was extremely upset to be told this and brought it up to my great aunt, who is one of my biggest supporters other than her daughter. She told me that she was upset with her sister and would talk to her. Then mentioned that it might me best if I don’t bring this up with other family members since they might not believe me.
The next day my grandmother sends me a whole paragraph of text. She never mentioned anything that we discussed and instead brought up how I was her first grandchild and how much she and my grandfather, who is now deceased, loved me. To me it felt like a slap in the face, because she was glossing over what has been said to me and pushed it under the rug.
I’ve always pushed things under the rug to appease my family and this was the last straw, so I blocked her.
—————————-
Not only that, but there has also been issues going on between her and the family.
For one thing, she is a major enabler of her children and I don’t stand for it because it’s f*cked things up for future generations. A huge portion of the family issues are entirely her fault because of this.
An example of this would be her son, who is basically a manchild who had severe animosity with his father. According to my uncle Jo, who is my mother’s sister’s husband, my grandmother’s son Sam was apparently left alone to be taken care of by either a family friend or another relative, when he was a baby/toddler, while my grandparents finished their studies. For some reason, this badly affected Sam and his relationship with his father. Uncle Jo told me that the relationship between my grandpa and Sam were so bad that he got kicked out at 18.
Uncle Sam at one point was a really successful millionaire with his agricultural company. However, that all went away when he would ask my grandfather for advice only to not follow through with it. Instead he would do the opposite of what my grandfather suggested for his business decisions and it would cost his business a ton of money.
He would call my grandmother crying about how he’s lost a bunch his fortune, only to have her give him so much money back that it ended up getting taken out of the family will that would go toward my mother and aunt.
Uncle Jo told me this because he didn’t want me potentially going down the same path as uncle Sam since I don’t have a good relationship with my parents.
My father thinks he has NPD, which I think is f*cking hilarious because my mom shows signs of it herself.
———————————
My mother is a different story and has always been very self-centered. She would always bring up how she had to give up her profession as a doctor to take care of little old me. It was almost like a pat on the back for being a martyr to her failing career. When we get into big fights she would bring it up the most. God forbid a toddler has f*cking PTSD, but you want to pat yourself on the back for being a good mother and staying with your child instead of your job. Newsflash bitch, you’re not the only mom who had to make those sacrifices.
As a toddler, I’ve always been distressed around her but was made to feel like it was my fault for feeling that way.
Any time I would dissociate, she’d flick her fingers in my face to make me pay attention.
I’ve had night terrors as a small little child about getting chased by a big scary monster or man. I would also have nightmares about being kidnapped or being driven in a stranger’s car. It wasn’t until my late 20s that I realized that that is not normal for a lot of children.
I remember being 4 or 5 and thinking I was “peeing blood” when I wasn’t actually peeing blood. I think I was so dissociated and detached from it that it felt like a distant, fleeting thought that I made up.
There was a time when my mother and I were walking during the day and my mind shifts to these two white houses with very small windows. To me they were gigantic because I was so small when I saw them. There was also a room or a hallways I think with beige carpets, but everything fades after that. It was very foggy and kind of dreamlike, but felt too real to be a dream. It also felt too dreamlike to be a memory. My four year old self would question my parents about what it all means, but they would throw it under the rug and say that it meant nothing. It was always very peculiar to me. Now as an adult, I’ve come to the conclusion that I might have gone through a form of derealization, which would explain how my world felt unreal and dreamlike.
When I was 6, my dreams became more sexual. It would involve female protagonists from cartoons being sexually abused by older men. I had the urge to draw nude women all the time. My mother shamed me for it and made me feel dirty and bad and sinful. She made me feel demonized for processing something traumatic in the best way I knew how and I didn’t even realize it at the time.
Many years go by and I ask my mother at the age of 19 to go to therapy with me. She would get defensive and tell me that she’s not the bad guy in the situation.
As I was finishing college, she would torment me about my weight and this would go on for the next few years as I was finishing up college. When I finally had enough and blew up on her, she started telling me that my therapist, who did psychodynamic therapy, has brainwashed me and implanted false memories in my head. This was in response to me telling her I know what she’s try to do with her manipulative antics and that it wasn’t going to work.
My father was in on it too, and they would corner me in my room. They went on to say how I was a complicated child and how my mom couldn’t help it. When they couldn’t convince me that my therapist was influencing me, they started blaming things on the ADHD and Autism. When that didn’t work, they started telling me that I was being misled by the Devil.
My mother even brought up how my family would be “shocked” at my behavior and I told her to tell everyone anyway. Again her antics didn’t work, so she then proceeded to say that allegedly my aunt, whose name is Mari, on my mother’s side said that she “sees right through me”. I called aunt Mari to ask her if this was all true and she denied it. My mom ended up having a mental breakdown and proceeded to cry to my aunt in her native tongue. My aunt put her foot down and told my mother not to get her involved in our family disputes.
When I called my sister, she told me she was upset and that she feels sad that I’m supposedly walking down the wrong path. She wasn’t even home at the time and was several states away while this all happened. So she only went by my mother’s word without looking at the facts.
Towards the end of the night, my parents gathered a list of psych wards to throw me into but I called their bluff and told them to go ahead and call them.
They never did.
………………………
Not only that, but my uncle Jo has also been having issues with them. Mostly with my mother.
According to my cousin K, she says that my mother has been giving her family flack for a very long time. She’d state that my mother was very judgmental of how my aunt and uncle run their home and family. An example would be of how their house is being built from the ground up for the past few years, instead of it being built in a short amount of time. They’re doing this to save money and not run into any debt. My guess is that my mom secretly looks down on them because she has more wealth, but would never outwardly admit it.
Cousin K also informed me that my mother would try to still get my aunt and uncle on her side against me. Another example would be how she overheard my uncle talk about how things are starting to get really irritating to my aunt. This all happened shortly after the huge fight I had with my family.
When my parents and sister went to go visit uncle Jo and aunt Mari, they apparently got into a huge argument when they went out for dinner. This involved my cousin J. I don’t know what happened, but I think it had to do with something he said.
……
Fast forward to several years later and my grandmother was supposed to visit my parents, go on vacation with her children, and then visit her grandchildren with my aunt and uncle.
What I didn’t realize was that my mother apparently wanted my grandma all to herself. My family basically told uncle Jo that his children can drive all the way to Tennessee from Washington to visit my grandma or drive up to them on their vacation to Wyoming. I’m not sure which was which. The problem is that my cousins are unable to due to the fact that one of them has an injury and is working full-time, while the other is going to university full-time.
Basically my family was only going to allow my grandmother to stay with them and have all the grownups go on vacation without the children. There was no leeway come from my parents on whether or not my grandma should come visit his kids. This irked my uncle greatly because my grandmother is in her 80s and may not have a chance to visit again from overseas.
Eventually it got to the point where my uncle got fed up and blew up on them through text. They responded by sending him about 20 messages worth of texts to which he deleted.
It was a few days ago when I realized that he and my parents have not been on speaking terms for about 7 weeks.
To top it all off, my grandmother is apparently aware of all this and, to my knowledge, has said nothing about it. That just adds a whole lot more complications to the relationships between my family and I.
I think what really got to me was when my uncle asked if I wanted to wish my grandmother a happy birthday. I told him that I do not wish to speak to her.
Next thing I know, my parents end up calling me and telling me that I need to fix things with my grandmother. They proceeded to tell me that I hurt her feelings. I tell them that she hurt mine, so they tried to pry and ask me what was said to which I told them it’s none of their business. Then they told me that she might have had some truth to what she was saying and that we don’t treat family this way.
That triggered the f*ck out of me, because now I feel like I’ve been gaslit and guilt tripped for putting up healthy boundaries for myself. My roommate says that I show signs of guilt and she’s probably right. Why do I have to be the one to feel guilty when I’m the one who’s been abused and silenced? This has affected my whole week and I’ve been having somatic responses because of this. I’ve been having poor sleep because of this and it’s really affecting my mental health. So I don’t know if I’m overreacting or if my response is normal for someone with C-PTSD. I’m just tired of having to relate to those who silence me and try to make me out to be a liar.
I wish my other grandma was alive, because she never liked my mother and I feel like she would have believed me and fought for me. I have no love from my last standing grandparent and I feel utterly betrayed.
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I've been through it with my adopted family, some of my biological family, a lot of 'friends' and boyfriends/husbands. That guilty feeling comes from the way they conditioned you to put yourself last. It's really common in women especially. Phantom limb is a great analogy. But if you go back to the limb, the toxicity will spread.
