I Need To Try Harder

[Belle]

I am pushing my partner away. I have cheated on him. I haven't told him because I love him. Cheating isn't about love, it is about escapism from life for a little while.

I have to try harder because otherwise I will loose him. I don't know if I am in love with him but I do love him. However, I am pushing him away. I can feel myself doing it with my constant moaning and crying about how difficult my job is. Every evening I tell him that how no-one understands how hard it is, how PTSD has changed me from being a tough person into a vulnerable one. I hate myself for constantly complaining. Sometimes he is tough and tells me that he has listened and that he can't fix it and the listening time is up.

But this is all BS. He deserves better than this. I need to get my sorry act together. I tell him I love him and his eyes shine. But I don't really love myself and so I wonder why he cares? I can hear myself shutting the door and locking him out but that is the coward's way isn't it?

 

[Belle]

Sorry I posted in the wrong section...

 

[amethist]

No worries easily moved.

 

[Bilby]

Belle, try to remind yourself that there is a reason why he chose you. There is a reason why he is still in this relationship with you.

Are you getting help for yourself? I think it's essential that you do, for a variety of reasons.

Best of luck.

 

[Belle]

I am supposed to be fixed, 20 sessions of CBT, I can't ask for more......

 

[Tanishq]

I have loved a woman. I had love for her. I did lie to her and kept lying on and on because I wanted her. But I never loved myself those days. I wasn't making any efforts for myself. It ended because I didn't love myself. It has taught me loving yourself first in any relationship is good move.

Does he love you?

You can tell him everything, everything is fair in love. but don't repeat that cheating pattern again. it might break your relationship.

Best wishes to you Belle.

 

[discarded]

I was cheated on by my sufferer and husband of 27 years and even after I found out through an email he denied it for a very long time. He had told so many lies so he could keep it going. He won't give me any reason for why it happened or why he kept it going. My failure to accept his refusal to discuss it with him is one of the many reasons our marriage recently broke down. It has now become one of his major stressors as he can not face up to how much it hurt me, and all the lies and keeping them going became too much to cope with. Cheating is cheating no matter what reason you claim was your motivation, though at this point I would probably accept any reason. The damage the deceit has done to me and my confidence and self worth is devastating. Cheating has no place in a committed relationship, if you want to be with some one else for whatever reason then move on first PTSD or not.

Did you ever stop to think how you would feel if it had been the other way around? I asked my husband that question and his reply was "I know you wouldn't cheat on me". I used to think the same about him until PTSD entered our lives and I don't know who he is anymore.

 

[Belle]

Thanks for your comments, Jaret, yes I think he loves me but it would be ruined if I told him I cheated. His pain would hurt me too much, it is better for him to not know.

discarded, my reply would be the same as that given by your husband because I see my partner as the good thing in my life.

 

[discarded]

Belle, if you are sure there is no way he will find out about it then I think it would be better not to tell him. You will only cause him a lot of pain and then you will have to carry that burden as well as the original burden of chaeting on him. On the other hand if he is likely to find out I think it would be much better coming from you than finding out the way I did and all the lies that went with it. Good luck with it all.