Relationship I Pushed Too Much

[Melly13]

I blew it and am feeling horrible. My sufferer has his own issues. But last week I vented to him about something unrelated to him triggers of my own past. that I realized after he was not able to handle. and have not heard from him since. He closes out. I then apologized and nothing. And instead of letting it go I continued on apologizing. He did nothing. But my own guilt would not let me drop the subject and I just kept trying to explaine myself digging myself into a deeper hole why I was sorry. I should be able to vent at times right? But I should have just let it go after. But my own anxieties wouldn't let me in fear of making sure he knew I was feeling bad I just couldn't drop it. To the point I was telling him how sorry I was and how wrong I was how amazing he is. He doesn't need to listen to my rambles. I hate my own anxiety sometimes. Now I know I just have to give space and when/if he is ready I am here. But I am having anxietys over that as well. He has his own problems PTSD, isolation, not being able to see his son, house forclousure. And that's another thing I offered to help this week financially and then felt that that I was making him feel he'll couldn't handle himself. And I kept apologizing for that. Yes I seek councling weekely for my own issue and guidance. I so upset with myself. And fear I may have pushed away forever.

 

[Friday]

Oh, good. :) You're human.

You're also his girlfriend, not his therapist, so it's just going to happen sometimes -and hopefully most of the time- that you're overriding thought isn't what's best for him, and how is he going to respond, and how can you manipulate the situation to provoke the best response possible from him. Otherwise known as shit happens. And if you being you, and him being him, and both of you not being perfect isn't enough to keep you both together? The how would it ever work?

 

[Melly13]

Yes I am human lol ..it's just eating me up inside. Not his girlfriend but very close we are just keeping it at a friend level at this point because we got close to quick and neither of us were ready. But he is very special to me. I just couldn't drop it for days. So I know it pushed to far. Trying to explane myself and I know overwhelming him. I texted him this AM again letting him know I was still here and wasn't going anywhere. And my anxietys from my past had nothing to do with him. And that I'm sorry that I like most take out on people I care about the most. Even thou there was nothing mean said it was just days of book texts one a day. I should have just wrote in my journal I keep with things. Emotions trigger him and I was very open. I am scarred to loose him not because dependent but because he has my heart. I need to just give him space. And if meant to be it will.

 

[MissMojoRising]

I have just recently done the same thing. I allowed my own anxieties and the fear of losing him push and push and now he is not talking at all. It actually sounds exactly like my time with him. We got to close to quick and he got scared and pushed me away. I would at the very least like to be his friend. He felt comfortable with me and did talk a little to me. He told me to go to church and find my faith, as that is what he is trying to do. Maybe he will come back. I just don't know. Should I keep sending a text every now and then to let him know I am still here and I do still care? I do not want anyone but him.

 

[Glara]

I've felt like that at times. I did the wrong things and he ending up breaking up with me. I thought we were through but then he came back. He stopped talking about a future. We decided to keep it more casual. Then last year at this time he was almost back to the way he had been. He still holds back, as do I.

Now I take it one day at a time. I no longer fear never hearing from him again, he seems to be determined not to let that happen. I won't make any effort to travel to see him. When and if he's ready he'll invite me. I live in another state. Im just moving on with my life here and if the time comes that I meet someone new, so be it. Im not seeking anyone new at this time. I guess I'm just saying you have to let it go, and whatever will be, will be.


None of this means it won't doesn't hurt when he shuts me out. I worry because he's highly suicidal. I wonder what he thinks about and if he thinks about me why does he shut me out? I've read everything about it but it seems like it doesn't make sense. It would've ended a long time ago if it wasn't for this forum. This is where I've learned to understand how ptsd really works. Or at least semi- understand. I wish I could offer more.

 

[Ms.MojoRising]

I've felt like that at times. I did the wrong things and he ending up breaking up with me. I thought we w...

I contacted him today and he answered me. I told him I would give him space and not hassle him and that I understood he had things to work on within himself and obviously so do I. We left it on a good note and I am hopeful. I have no clue what we have in store for our future but at least I have a little hope. I just plan on periodically checking in on him. I don't want him to think I have abandoned him, like women from his past. I am here to learn so I can help him and be there for him when he is ready. If it is meant to be then it will be.

 

[Nicolette]

I told him I would give him space and not hassle him

I just plan on periodically checking in on him

The devil is in the detail here.... Contacting him to tell him you're giving him space may seem like you're actually not doing that if you check in on him...... been there, done that, have the t-shirt! :bag: At the end of the day any relationship, even just a friendship, is a two way street. You have to be you and do what feels right at the end of the day and he will decide/do whatever he does. Good luck.

 

[Glara]

...and keep in mind, if shuts you out, that's not you abandoning him.

When Ed and I first reconnected we talked about our past. He told me all different things that he thought I wasn't into him. He even thought I came to visit him as part of some plan. (When I met him, he was in a relationship. She dumped him for a friend of the guy that set us up. Somebody told him that I didn't really like him, I was just distracting him. That may have been his undiagnosed ptsd back then) I told him I didn't drive 3 hours in the snow to see him as a favor to someone. I reminded him that I never shut him out or didn't see him when he was around. Except the very last time we saw each other. I hadn't heard from him in a year and he showed up on my doorstep. I wasn't home. He spent the night in his truck in front of my house.

Point being, I never abandoned him or shut him out, but he did that to me. Enough time goes by, I think he's gone for good. That's on him, not me ptsd or not. You can't have a relationship with someone you don't see or talk to.

 

[Ms.MojoRising]

So what do you do in the mean time? Do you date others? It's still really soon, only a couple of weeks really, but I'm not remotely interested in anyone else. His actions and words don't match up. He wanted to see me a lot and was very affectionate and then out of the blue he says he's not good for me, I'm a great woman, and that it's him not me. Now nothing. He doesn't text, call or come over when he is in town. He works out of town for most of the week.

 

[Glara]

Personally I haven't dated anyone else at this time. But I'm open to it when I'm ready. I have a lot going on in my life right now that is keeping me busy.

I get lonely and sad, but I try to frame my thoughts to just think one day at a time. I can chose to date or let him go anytime I like. I don't have a commitment, that was his choice. I'm choosing to wait for now, but I may feel differently tomorrow.

I'm still concerned that he's suicidal, if he calls me, I'll listen. And this time I will call a hotline. If he feels betrayed so be it. I can only hope he's not in that place again. He pushed me away, so all I can do hope he's ok. I'll reach out to him on Thanksgiving, but I'll keep it light.

In the meantime I'll focus on work, my house, exercise, and taking care of my own health. And for today I'll wait. I may change my mind tomorrow, and that's ok.

 

[aut555]

Limbo relationships, they aren't on but you hesitate to say it's over because there is no closure. If it's only you calling, then oops, you are pursuing. I like it better if it's equal pursuit otherwise l feel like it shows l am desperate. Limbo, not here, not there, just sorta of hanging. How long do you want to just hang. Me, l prefer to move on, maybe nothing really well ever come of it. Don't stop living life.

 

[Ms.MojoRising]

That's where I am is Limbo. He lives on a main road, I have to drive by his house more often than I want now. I saw he was home tonight, but of course he doesn't contact me. I've considered reaching out on Thanksgiving too. I guess I'll make that decision tomorrow. Not sure if I will. I'm sure I'll receive a generalized response if I do. He says he needs to work on himself. I guess if we are meant to be then it will happen. I can't force it and I don't want to. I just wish he had given me a real reason. The no closure is what hurts the most. I just don't understand it. How do you spend so much time with someone, allow them to get attached and then nothing?