"i See A Difference, I Hope You Do Too"

[Bananie]

Saw my T on Monday, finally, after a month. I wrote about that session in a different thread. I ended it dissociated (I think), and kinda cranky, and then remembered something awful from childhood, and then my next appointment was cancelled. Anywho, I made it through the memory, and the month, into this session. I started with the issues that I'm moving this month because of eviction, and work stuff (wrote about the coworker who is kind of displaying stalkerish behavior toward me in a different thread too). T was happy that I figured out what about the work situation is like my past. Then he asked "Is there anything else you feel like you should address?" I replied, "UGH, *YES*. Last time I was here, we were talking about mom, and I, don't know whether another part came in, or what, but I shut down the questioning. And it's because of this horrible thing." It didn't come out that smoothly, of course lol. There was a lot of pauses before talking. Before I even started, I think my young me showed up (I've noticed I only twirl my hair sometimes, I think when feeling young, and I was twirling my hair), and I looked everywhere but him, mostly at the floor when speaking, but, it still came out. And I stayed present while speaking, and after. Actually, now that I'm writing this, maybe I *wasn't* quite all there, cause I'm not sure exactly what T said after. But I do know, he said, probably not in this order, but "This work really is helping you, I see differences, and I hope you do too. You clearly did not want to say what you said, but you did it. Congratulations. So many times when people go through trauma, they can't speak about it. That was courageous." He was a little teary, which isn't anything new. And then, almost to himself while typing towards the end "..you started right off with last session....this conversation really helped me."
Now, writing this, and thinking more about the session, I realize, it's been the ego states therapy that has helped me the most. I can't really put in to words HOW yet, apparently, because I've been sitting here for like 10 minutes trying to, but it's created some sort of order in the chaos inside.
I also now am not really sure why I wrote this, other than as a yay! it IS working. Hey guys! There's hope! It gets better! Stick with it, even when it suuuuuuucks. :)

 

[Eagle3]

Congratulations!!

I agree, Ego State therapy has been so much more beneficial than the other kinds. The relationship feels more real, more healing than other kinds of therapy. I'm glad you are seeing such great progress, keep up the great work!