I Seem To Function The Best In The Worst Situations

[Deleted member 28403]

So, today I noticed that all the shit hit the fan, everything si chaotic around me, I'm a huge mess, have a bunch of stress and work on me, a huge task to accomplish, that is extremely hard to accomplish, most people who hear the plan for the year are convinced I will die from the strain, I'm sleeping 5 hours a night at most. Problems with parents a constant, depressive thoughts, suicidal, just anme it, just what you'd call a huge bunch of chaos, yet...

I am functioning extremely well. And no, I'm not saying this in the sense of functioning well for the situation I'm in, but in general.

I am feeling amazing, amazingly present, aware of everything, and like I have everything under control again. I do not feel lost, and I know what is going to happen.

When I said amazing, I did not say that my mental state is great, nah, it's as said before, awful, but yet, it's stable at that awful, it's not changing. It stabilized in the absolute hellhole, there is no longer any thoughts of getting better and similar, I just know it's gonna be like this for a while, so I'm not bothered by it. It's in a way, not a source of stress.

Everything is getting better regarding my work functionality, some friends are feeling awful, generally being chaotic, and I function well. I know how to deal with that, I know how to help, because this is what I know. I am simply more capable of helping someone who is dealing with serious problems than someone with more minor problems.

I'm sorta confused by myself, but I hope any of this I wrote is sorta coherent.

Thank you for reading, and please give me your opinions on this

 

[ladee]

Makes sense to me. I was able to be very high functioning in the most stressful and chaotic situations. I think, in part, because that was how my brain was at that time. So chaos made sense to me.
Glad to hear you have accepted things may just be this way for awhile.
Good to see you!

 

[Crow]

We were raised in chaos. Our brains and nervous system are more comfortable with what's familiar even if it takes five times the energy to sustain. So this makes perfect sense. The hardest thing for me in life so far has been learning how not to live in chaos. When I had a job that was chaos driven, I was ultra successful. I eventually crashed and that has taken years to recover from but if you can harness this nearly innate ability/survival skill that you have for the time period you need to meet your goals, go for it. Just try to fit as much self care in there that you can and be aware that you may crash eventually. But hopefully not until everything is completed!

 

[Astrid_Shadow]

I know what that's like. I find if I'm not in a chaotic situation I create one of my own. Family, friends, school as long as I'm in a chaotic situation I feel so much better. So glad to know I'm not alone and your not either. I'm sure we all know what it's like.. To be in a chaotic situation. Makes us feel more powerful like we have more power since we know what it's like to be in the chaos we crave it. I thought I was just messed up to be honest. So.. I'm glad to know I'm not alone and like I said earlier your not alone either. Hugs if you accept.

 

[expectingbetter]

When I said amazing, I did not say that my mental state is great, nah, it's as said before, awful, but yet, it's stable at that awful, it's not changing. It stabilized in the absolute hellhole, there is no longer any thoughts of getting better and similar, I just know it's gonna be like this for a while, so I'm not bothered by it. It's in a way, not a source of stress.

For now I can only say that you helped me a lot with this paragraph, Thank you!
I am sorry you are dealing with all this though. Hang on and know we are here.

 

[Muted]

It sounds like you're in survival mode @Saelben . I can relate and to a certain degree being in survival mode is somewhat comforting. It makes it very easy for me to 'prioritize'.

 

[Deleted member 28403]

Makes sense to me. I was able to be very high functioning in the most stressful and chaotic situations. I...

It is sorta just easier not to care, and that makes surviving much easier

 

[Deleted member 28403]

We were raised in chaos. Our brains and nervous system are more comfortable with what's familiar ev...

Well, I have minor crashes on average once every one or two weeks. But it's just a part of the way it works.

I guess it's sorta my natural state :p

 

[Deleted member 28403]

I know what that's like. I find if I'm not in a chaotic situation I create one of my own. Family,...

Yea, sorta, whenever something is going smoothly, I get the awful lingering feeling everything is gonna fall apart. That something is fake, because I know the true nature of the people around me, so when they are not acting according to it, it's mainly confusing.

 

[Deleted member 28403]

For now I can only say that you helped me a lot with this paragraph, Thank you!
I am sorry you...

Glad this was of use :) Sorta took me a while to figure out what is happening.

 

[J'qel]

Welcome to the wonderful wild world of PTSD.

When thrown in the blender of life we come out fine.

When there's no blender, we fall apart.

Like others have said, it's survival mode. It's a hallmark of the PTSD experience. Unfortunately it means less stressful situations we're not so great at, because we're still dealing with situations as if they're life or death.

It sucks. Useful in really bad places, but in regular life.... no so good. Which is why we have therapists. Life isn't always a battlefield, and we need to be able to deal with it not just when it's bad, but also when it's good. Life really sucks when you can't handle the good for looking out for the bad.

 

[Deleted member 28403]

It sounds like you're in survival mode @Saelben . I can relate and to a certain deg...

Yea, might be exactly that, but I might need to eventually have to learn to function as a more relaxed being.

Seems comparable to a soldier that can't live outside of war after such a long time of that. But my story is quite different