Well, it has been how many days since I sent my sister her “leave me alone” card. She should probably receive it tomorrow. I don’t know if she will respond or not.
It’s like once I had my “inner peace” about My Mother that I wrote about here, it was like how do I stop talking to her. The fear, the panic, you name the emotion it started to come up for me that I might have to talk to my sister again.
I went to have a massage on Friday the day after the card was mailed. During the massage, I was having flashbacks to all those times that I was with my sister. She never physically harmed me, but her actions, and her words, her temper, her anger, and I am remembering being in the car with her and there was no way out.
So, even though now, my heart is very, very heavy as I am releasing painful memories of her and even her husband, I am realizing that I really never had a sister just like I never had a mother. It seems that it was just the two of them and will be in the future.
It’s like a therapist once told me that I needed to deal with what happened to me when I was 6 years old, that was when my sister was born, and I no longer existed. It was just my brother and me, and so, now I’m dealing with lots and lots of years of trying to have that family that I never had.
The card says: Dear
I received the packet of information from xx (retirement facility for our mother).
I presume that means that you didn’t hear me about being unable to deal with our mother.
At this time in my life, I realize I need my space and time to heal. I need solitude.
Please respect my wishes.
I will pray that your dealing with mother won’t be too difficult.
It’s like once I had my “inner peace” about My Mother that I wrote about here, it was like how do I stop talking to her. The fear, the panic, you name the emotion it started to come up for me that I might have to talk to my sister again.
I went to have a massage on Friday the day after the card was mailed. During the massage, I was having flashbacks to all those times that I was with my sister. She never physically harmed me, but her actions, and her words, her temper, her anger, and I am remembering being in the car with her and there was no way out.
So, even though now, my heart is very, very heavy as I am releasing painful memories of her and even her husband, I am realizing that I really never had a sister just like I never had a mother. It seems that it was just the two of them and will be in the future.
It’s like a therapist once told me that I needed to deal with what happened to me when I was 6 years old, that was when my sister was born, and I no longer existed. It was just my brother and me, and so, now I’m dealing with lots and lots of years of trying to have that family that I never had.
The card says: Dear
I received the packet of information from xx (retirement facility for our mother).
I presume that means that you didn’t hear me about being unable to deal with our mother.
At this time in my life, I realize I need my space and time to heal. I need solitude.
Please respect my wishes.
I will pray that your dealing with mother won’t be too difficult.
