silverlinings1069
Learning
It was one of the hardest things I have ever done but...I feel so much weight lifted. I can think again. I can focus on my son. I am heartbroken at the same time. But I know what I did was the best thing for me right now. And for him (he has Borderline Personality Disorder). We are not good together right now. I am not ready to be in this type of relationship right now so I had to end it. We kept triggering each other without any stop in sight. I had to end the pattern. It is a terrible pattern of mine that I have yet to address in therapy (still not sure why I get triggered with him). That is one of the reasons I am not ready to be in a relationship. And I am so heartbroken. He was perfect in every other way (the best hugs I have every received, not that I received many). I am so hurt and sad. But I am so proud of myself for putting my boundary first. I have never been proud of myself before today (I'm 48). I did something for myself by myself. That is so huge (being codependent). This is a great testament to my therapy I have already done. I know I will never be "normal" but I am confident I will learn how to cope. And maybe one day happy...
What win did you have today? or this week? month? Year?
What win did you have today? or this week? month? Year?
One win today was when I replied to my thinking voice that said, like it often does like a mental tics "I hate myself and I want to die"- no, that is not true, I love myself and I love this body that keeps me going, and I will take care of me. Small wins.
