I Started Taking Medication And Going To Therapy

[SeekingAfrica]

Last few years dealing with this have been really traumatic for me. On more than one occasion I worked myself on getting better and I did manage to do that, for the time...But I guess since I'm not a professional, I didn't quite resolve all, and it would eventually come back, always.
I have PTSD, and so many other issues. Too much anxiety, On and off anxiety, panic attacks, Trouble sleeping. On and off depression, It's made me sometimes negative and unable to see future where things would be better. And I always thought I can manage it. So did my partner. We both struggled through this to a point where I started wondering if our relationship to survive it. Last year I almost felt like I am doing great again, and then here I am a year later and for few months things have been hell, worse than ever and just getting worse and worse no matter how I try.,
I'm not sure my relationship will survive this. I'll still give it all I have, but there are no guarantees. Everything else is a mess, because I was for so long.
But that is besides the point.

Because now I'm fighting for myself.
So I know whatever happens, I will get to a good place eventually.

I started therapy from this week, and she also prescribed me medication, to stabilize me a bit. Which I think is a good idea, because at this point I was starting to barely have any energy for anything else other than managing this. It's going to take few weeks to get effect, and in the meantime she prescribed sedative for when things get really bad too.
Last night was the one night in my relationship, when we had fully brutally honest talk in which it was obvious he doesn't know if we can get through this. And I am not sure I know that either. Today I have a 5 day trip with him, going to an event, for which I'm not prepared, and all of this are things that usually give me such panic attacks....But last night, I decided I can fight, for myself. I took half of the sedative(So quarter mg) and I didn't know if it will work, but I slept well and I woke full with energy before my alarm and ready to deal with all those things even though I know thing are bad.
I feel optimistic that I can manage, and stronger. I'm starting the other medication(also on mini dose to begin with), psycho - therapy once a week, and I am ready to face my issues and prioritize my health above outwards obvious success.
I haven't felt like this for a long time.

 

[Sideways]

I am ready to face my issues and prioritize my health above outwards obvious success.

Write this down somewhere. Life is going to go up and down, but when you're down, it's so important that we can remind ourselves, using words that we wrote ourselves, that we have times where we do have hope, where we have decided to fight to get better. You've made that decision, so fight to hold onto it.

I hope the meds bring you some help in the short term. I hope the psychotherapy brings you the growth you need in the long term. And you're right - there are no guarantees. But sometimes, the best thing we can do for our relationships, for our career, for our future, starts with focussing on our own recovery.

I'm so glad that you've decided, for yourself, to take charge of your recovery. PTSD is an illness that people recover from. They go on to have fulfilling, meaningful lives. There is nothing stopping you from being one of those people, especially if you've decided to fight for yourself.

Cheering you on, and hoping your trip goes better than expected:)

 

[EveHarrington]

It's great to put your health first! :)

 

[SeekingAfrica]

Write this down somewhere. Life is going to go up and down, but when you're down, it's so impor...

Thank you! Indeed, that's true. I tend to snap into gear from time to time, but then get lost sometimes. Of course therapy should be part of the reminder to keep on track, but....anything that helps. There are so many helpful things online, movies, and videos, and quotes...but you can't be online always, and usually the worst things happen when you're not. So I'm buying notebook, and I'm planning to make it my worry book- quotes, and speeches and lyrics and pics of anything and everything I've found on- and off-line that gives me perspective when I'm down, and lists of things that help me in such moments. Things to remind me that my health is more important than those outward goals and measures that society sometimes make me thing bad for not having achieved yet. Something like an anchor, reminder of what I'm doing:).
This time, I plan to get heathy. I don't know what will happen next, but anything bad that I can't stop, I would handle better if I am better. In the last year I've been getting so worked up over outward things, that I thought I may have a heart attack soon, and I'm only 27. No achievement is worth ruining my health that much.
I hope the trip goes well too- and it's my best friend's wedding, so as long as my anxiety is under control, it could be a very lovely event:).