I just re-read over this thread. It's still relevant to me at the moment actually, so I'm glad I stumbled across this.
I've had a couple of people say to me things like "You have a small brain, you don't enjoy your life", and "Enjoy your life" or "You don't seem to be enjoying your life", and I'm sure from their outsider perspective this seems reasonable...but that doesn't help me. It makes me feel self conscious about it and makes me dwell on whether this is how I am being, and how I seem to others, even though I have made so much effort to live my life free from addiction and booze, pot and ciggies, like I once had as a crutch and habits.
I've started drinking socially again now, and sometimes smoke weed, but not that often. I will also have a smoke here and there of tobacco, but I basically don't like them and don't really want to, but will to be more social (even though I'm not that social). It was fun over the xmas break and new years eve to get wasted, and I recovered well enough. I laughed and had fun with meeting new people, and I guess that's ok. I would love to be able to enjoy my life more without these things though.
I also regained my sense of humour, so sometimes I wonder whether those people who said that were saying it because they are happy to get drunk every night and smoke weed all the time and smoke ciggies and basically escape from their realities, and think that makes them 'fun', or whether they saw something that really was there in me? Hard to tell, but I'm trying not to let it get to me.
It's just that, when I stop and think about it, if I'm not having fun and enjoying myself, what the hell is the point of even being here? That can lead downwards into a spiral of dark thoughts which I don't want to go down, but for now I just find joy in the little things, like petting the cat, noticing nature as I walk, eating good food and enjoying having my appetite back to normal and remind myself that I have a dry sense of humour, which not everyone gets or finds funny, and that's ok.
Meditation is a life saver, and I intend to start up yoga with a new buddy soon as possible. We did some on new years day and both felt a huge difference in how we felt in our bodies and energy levels. Subtle exercises can go so far. Tonight I burned some paper that had all the things I want to let go of...like self doubt, self loathing, unforgiveness, feelings of inferiority, and other stuff...and felt so much better. Highly recommend it.
I've had a couple of people say to me things like "You have a small brain, you don't enjoy your life", and "Enjoy your life" or "You don't seem to be enjoying your life", and I'm sure from their outsider perspective this seems reasonable...but that doesn't help me. It makes me feel self conscious about it and makes me dwell on whether this is how I am being, and how I seem to others, even though I have made so much effort to live my life free from addiction and booze, pot and ciggies, like I once had as a crutch and habits.
I've started drinking socially again now, and sometimes smoke weed, but not that often. I will also have a smoke here and there of tobacco, but I basically don't like them and don't really want to, but will to be more social (even though I'm not that social). It was fun over the xmas break and new years eve to get wasted, and I recovered well enough. I laughed and had fun with meeting new people, and I guess that's ok. I would love to be able to enjoy my life more without these things though.
I also regained my sense of humour, so sometimes I wonder whether those people who said that were saying it because they are happy to get drunk every night and smoke weed all the time and smoke ciggies and basically escape from their realities, and think that makes them 'fun', or whether they saw something that really was there in me? Hard to tell, but I'm trying not to let it get to me.
It's just that, when I stop and think about it, if I'm not having fun and enjoying myself, what the hell is the point of even being here? That can lead downwards into a spiral of dark thoughts which I don't want to go down, but for now I just find joy in the little things, like petting the cat, noticing nature as I walk, eating good food and enjoying having my appetite back to normal and remind myself that I have a dry sense of humour, which not everyone gets or finds funny, and that's ok.
Meditation is a life saver, and I intend to start up yoga with a new buddy soon as possible. We did some on new years day and both felt a huge difference in how we felt in our bodies and energy levels. Subtle exercises can go so far. Tonight I burned some paper that had all the things I want to let go of...like self doubt, self loathing, unforgiveness, feelings of inferiority, and other stuff...and felt so much better. Highly recommend it.
