I Suddenly Lost Love For My Boyfriend For No Reason?

[TimidZiggy]

Been dating this guy for about 6 months, except 2 months ago for literally no reason I can think of, I lost my feelings for him. Like...they are gone. It's weird because it wasn't like a fling or anything. The feelings slowly developed first we were friends for a while and I realized we were compatible so we started to date. Then I could really feel it once we were dating like really really feel it. Then out of nowhere the feelings are gone. Normally I wouldn't care because I'd just be like "well whatever" I mean crap happens right? But I don't want it to be that way with this specific guy. We are compatible on so many levels. He understands me and doesn't judge me. He knows about all of my problems, my OCD and my PTSD and he knows why I have these issues (and I know all about his issues too it's a pretty even playing field to be honest). I know he didn't do ANYTHING different. I'm pretty honest with myself and with him and I cannot pick one thing he did at all that made me suddenly just not want to be around him.

When I think about long term and I think about who I want to be with the rest of my life it's him but there are times when everything he says or does irritates the crap out of me for no reason. There are times I don't even want to talk to him because I'm so annoyed. How did this even happen? Why? Did my brain just trick me into thinking I was in love? Was it the honeymoon period? Do I really not like him? I seriously, SERIOUSLY, sit and cry because I don't want to feel this way. I desperately do not want to feel this way about this guy but the feelings aren't coming back.

To be fair in the past 2 months this is what has happened to me as well:

1. Lost my job completely unfairly to a point where a lawyer thinks I have a case against my former employer.
   
2. Found out a good friend of mine will die of cancer in 3 months (maybe a little more time than that)
3. Went 20 thousand in debt affording an operation I desperately need by insurance won't pay for and is going to be very traumatic to me (It's been scheduled and paid for hasn't happened yet)
4. Had a birthday I wasn't at all looking forward to because I fear death like...well death and I think I'm getting too old and accomplishing nothing
5. Went back into very poor health because I'm not sleeping because of the nightmares due to PTSD

I'm under a TON of stress right now and I'm hoping, really praying, that someone can tell me that the reason I lost my feelings is because of stress. If I sit down and I think about certain things like getting married or who I'd like to spend my life with, it's him, but there's some kind of emotional block saying "Yeah shut up he's not the right one" and I don't know WHY I'm doing that because I do not want it to be this way and it's painful that I feel the way I do. Is this normal or am I just clinging to something I need to let go of?

 

[Joannee]

that's a tough one to be honest. I think that no one should tell you to stay or leave, as you might feel different and actually miss him.

How do you feel if you imagine him with another girl? When I broke up with my ex, I couldn't bear his smell anymore, everything he did was annoying me, but I knew it was over when I felt nothing imagining him with someone else.

You have to be careful that your mind is not trying to sabotage your relationship for any reason like - prove that things are shit and you deserve to be alone - too many things to handle and the relationship is another hassle...

Sometimes it's best to say to the other person that you need a bit of time on your own to sort out some stuff but not break up straight away. Or go the complete other way and take the support your boyfriend has to offer.

You should keep him as a friend at the least, if you feel you won't care if he has another girlfriend, and as long as you don't end up telling yourself that you deserve to be alone or anything like that.

What do you think?

 

[Friday]

I'm kind of curious why when all the feelings WERE there, and the logic IS there, that your first thought is that the sudden lack of feelings is what's "real" instead of it being a spot of numbing / distance? A temporary thing in response to stress that you'll come out the other side on if you wait it out?

Actual question.

I do this all the time... But I'm used to it. My heart (or my head) shut off in response to stress. As long as I stay the course? Trust that I knew what I was doing back when I could think/feel, and keep doing that? Then when my brain turns back on, heart kicks back into gear, not much has changed. If, on the other hand, I start making drastic changes? <low whistle> My life becomes pure chaos, very very quickly. And I start collecting regrets like baseball cards. So instead of acting like everything is real, now=forever, I've learned to trust that I knew what I was doing back when things made sense... And no matter how pointless/ stupid/ insane/ inane those things appear to be now? Keep doing them. Stay the course. Things will make sense again, and I can alter course if need be... Then. Once things have cleared up, again. Not now. No major decisions allowed. In fact, when dating, there is a specific rule followed by both of us; either of us can call a "moratorium on breaking up" once stressors start stacking. Can we break up? Sure! ...Later. Not now. We're both free agents, can come and go as we please; It's not a trap, or manipulation tool. It's a safety-net. So that we're gentle on each other's hearts.

But that's the way my head & heart work. I know my patterns really, really well. Other people work differently. So I'm curious if your past and your patterns have lead you to a different conclusion?

 

[NaeNae75]

I'm with Friday here... my s/o snd I each go through the ebb and flow during each of our stressful times. We both do it! We're at 6.5 years now.

But, we tell each other, and sometimes it's as gentle as a Mack truck through thevliving room. Honestly, if we learned to be more gentle about it, itvmight not be as bad.

Let yourself have some time to figure it out. Show him the cup theory on here and tell him this is how you're feeling right now. Tell him your sorry if you seem cold or distant, but you're mind is doing it for its own safety, it thinks.

I hope you can figure out what you really need.

 

[Gs172003]

It's normal for the feelings to come and go. No real relationship has the "good feelings" all the time. Only in songs and Hollywood. It's more about who you want to spend your time with and who you can see yourself with than the "feelings". It's also about what you do for them. It's not one sided. Do you like to see them happy? Want to see them grow? Etc etc

 

[NaeNae75]

It's normal for the feelings to come and go. No real relationship has the "good feelings" all the t...

Brilliant.

 

[Gs172003]

Brilliant.

Really? Thanks

 

[NaeNae75]

Yes. Simple, to the point, and so very true.

 

[shimmerz]

Could be a numbing disguised as not caring. With all of those things going on, I would expect that your feelings in general have numbed out so you aren't quite as overloaded as it sounds like you actually probably are.

When feelings numb, it is my experience that good and bad feelings are affected. I would just ride it out if I were you.

 

[Ronin]

Lost feelings aren't a reason to alter a course of action, if the course is right, and the relationship is.

Now, if he did something wrong to make you lose feelings, that level of wrong, that'd be a different discussion, but since this sounds as your stress response, and not about him? I'd wait it out and see this storm's other end.

Hoping your surgery goes well, fingers crossed & prayers, if welcome, sent.

 

[Powder]

I'm experiencing a problem that isn't the same but similar.

I feel a lot of affection, appreciation, and closeness/trust to my husband, and I feel attraction to him, and I initiate contact sexually and affectionately, but then something interferes.

This is a new symptom for me and I don't know what to make of it. I cannot locate the origin or the feeling, other than fear.

Like you, I'm afraid of my health problems that are cropping up. Afraid because as I research it, which I have to do in order to self-advocate, I find the word "cancer" everywhere. For a "long-story" reason, this is quite upsetting.

Thank you for your post, even though it's been sitting a few months, because I think it helps me to see that fear of health problems and not knowing, is triggering numbness and other positive, but mostly negative symptoms.