I Think I Hate My Therapist

[anthony]

Anthony, I really don't understand why when people are having a hard time in therapy, or hard time in general, you tell them they aren't trying hard enough or are making excuses.

I don't support negative mechanisms which won't help a person. Supporting negative aspects is called sympathy, and it doesn't help PTSD. Being empathetic that someone is struggling is far different from being sympathetic to the issue at hand. Complaining is the first marker of looking for sympathy nearly every single time vs. actioning. A person with PTSD must become assertive, not passive, not aggressive, assertive, and that is the direction I push people within.

This is not necessarily a topic though to hijack this thread with.

 

[suzie q]

I've gone through my share of "bad therapist". I spent a lot of years in a very small town trying to find qualified people to help me. Some were just plain silly. How they got their education, I don't know. I do know it took some time to find ones that could help me with the issues "I was ready to discuss" and I think that was the key to starting my journey.

I found over time that a therapist is only as good as you let them be. I had so many expectations, help me understand, help me feel better, help me want to live, help me process all this muck...etc...The best therapists I had were the ones that told me like it was, that allowed ME to process the past, not stimulate me into memories. That came much much later in my life. I HAD to be open minded about all "types" of therapy and educate myself on what those were. It wasn't like I just saw someone and they were exactly what I needed for all things...that was part of my responsibility in my wanting to heal. I learned a therapist is NOT a chat buddy, like you would have here, but someone that was more like a referee in your process of healing trauma.

Ultimately, I am responsible for finding a therapist that can help me with what I'm going through at the moment, and there have been times that I have had to YELL to calm down, so that I could talk rationally to the therapist. When we understood each other, I was allowed to YELL again. It takes time to have another human understand out outbursts, emotions, personality, communicating skills. It takes patience on both sides. I had to educate myself on the styles of therapy and the credentials of the therapists/psychiatrists. I didn't give up and I DID find what I needed to help myself when I was willing to look at me and not get angry or afraid. I'm worth it and so are you!!

 

[jesse]

Wow thanks for all the replies everybody. My plug adaptor quit on me the other day and I haven't been able to get back online until today. Thanks especially to Brokenchild because you nailed exactly how I feel. BTW Anthony I have been to many therapists throughout my life and have come away with a lot of helpful insights. I am not begging for sympathy or asking for people to be mind readers it really pisses me off that you replied as though I am. Maybe you should show a little compassion once in a while or take your anger out elsewhere.

 

[Srain]

Jesse, I think there are tools which can help you to help you to sort out helping to hopefully avoid running into another a therapist like this again if you try to use them. Several people have been supportive and gave you suggestions on hopefully ever avoid getting caught up with tdocs so way off the mark.

Taking your experience out on another member here is not going to change what happened with this guy.

As far as what I could tell from what Anthony was relaying to you, I could well be mistaken, nobody made you go back to this guy who obviously was not giving you what you needed the first few times you saw in session. He was rude and unresponsive to your needs and yet you insisted on continuing to go see him. By your own statement you had been to other tdocs so you know that not all tdocs are like this, so this was not your first rodeo and you were none too happy from the start. You were trying to coax him into to reacting to you and when he did not, you tried by firing him by mail. After he called you in by telephone by all rights you had every right to refuse, you are an adult, instead you gave him an opportunity to berate as if you were a child.

It is unfair to now attack Anthony for not being more "sensitive". I thought he was not be insensitive but rather straight forward. Telling you pretty much what I just said. I do feel bad for what happened to you. It's not OK. that members of the Psychiatry Field should be able to practice and rake in that kind of money at the expense of people's illness's and insecurities and basically play around with them. That's what I posted earlier in this thread.

I am not attacking you now, I am simply showing how the finger is pointed in the wrong direction. We are not the ones that did this to you and on this site it about empathy not sympathy. There is a difference.

Rain

 

[jesse]

Hi Strain thank you for your reply. I guess I didn't communicate very well on my first post. I in no way tried to fire this guy by mail. I often am able to write out my emotions and frequently freeze up when I try to talk. So I wrote my T a letter about how I felt and he did not call me at all. So I felt really anxious and vulnerable after a week with no response and simply cancelled my appointment. The T then sent me a letter within a week of cancelling the appointment that said I was no longer considered a patient there (it was a lot more verbose than that). So you have the details all mixed up and that is probably my fault for not being more clear in my first post. I do stand up for myself when bullied so if you think I was attacking a member here I think you should reread what Anthony posted. I guess I thought I could post things on this site without being judged but I no longer feel that way. I am not asking for sympathy only writing out my feelings which I will be much more guarded about in the future.

 

[Srain]

I did reread what Anthony said, in addition to all the other posts. First off, let me apologize for misreading your first post and getting the information incorrect regarding your 'firing of your tdoc', although in my opinionated view that would have been a very good option early on! Secondly, it surely wasn't my intent to make you feel judged in any way, if I did, please forgive me. I know we all go through enough of that.

It was quite clear to me that in your post you were simply unloading your feelings and what had occurred. What followed (in my opinion) was a series of empathic, insightful (personal from different angles), and smart posts. I did reread Anthony's post as well as other members responses to it. I thought it was interesting from his view point and those that responded had some extremely valid points. Do I agree? Not on all issues, I believe that Anthony strips all the meat off the bone and just tosses out there, where I like to present it first with a little sirloin attached, it's just my preference. In the end, it's the same result.

I hope you take time to look at everything posted around the sight.

Rain

 

[jesse]

I agree and really appreciate the feedback from almost everyone. You are right though I shouldn't have gone back I was in a crisis and didn't have any other resources and then it just made it worse when I went back. Lesson learned for me. Fortunately I'll be relocating soon and feel optimistic that I will find a good T there. Thanks for your feedback.

 

[anthony]

Obviously you don't want too... but instead make every excuse and blame the therapist for your failure to actually talk out your own trauma.

Jesse, I do apologise for that above statement, as that was presumptuous of me, and I don't normally presume, I directly question.

The rest though, based on your statements... stands.

 

[livergirl70]

Jesse,

I struggled to start with when I had psychotherapy, no-one had explained to me what it actually was. I was expecting her to ask me stuff, but she didn't she just sat there looking at me. I looked at her and was thinking "what am i doing here". She said "If you don't want to talk that's fine we can just sit here in silence" So I just started waffling about how bad the traffic was and then she started to ask me stuff and eventually I was able to get things out. I hope you manage to get something sorted out, perhaps ask for a female it would mean a fresh start if you can't get to a new place. Good luck.

 

[Srain]

Jesse. I'm glad you'll be finding a new tdoc soon, what a huge difference, as you know, that will make! It's always jarring to have an experience like that, it can be so surreal. Hopefully this next time everything will be better spelled out ahead of time.

Rain

 

[jewel]

I think I hate this topic because it hits home for me. Last week I sat in my T's office and calmly and casually told him our goals do not match up. My goal is DEATH and his is helping me move forward. I wasn't upset or anything. He went next door to my psychiatrist and the two of them talked....I left. I thought they were angry or would put me in a hospital or something horrible. So, I decided I hate my therapist and I wouldn't go back.

Now, after reading these posts, my T was trying to help me. I see at times I fight against the help. I am not sure why I do it, but I do. I think recognizing that is a big step. I know how difficult it is to talk to your T about SI but maybe write them down and hand the paper to them or write it down and read it to them. It's OUR recovery from trauma. We need to grab hold of it and take some control of it.

 

[jewel]

Here are some links for those of us who are SI.

http://www.comh.ca/publications/resources/pub_cwst/CWST.pdf
[DLMURL]http://helpguide.org/mental/suicide_help.htm[/DLMURL]
http://www.metanoia.org/suicide/