I Think I Lost A Friend

[emderrys]

Hi. I'm new here. I have severe C-PTSD from cult involvement. I am wondering if anyone has any experience with having an episode in front of someone that was pretty explosive...pretty hysterical (super humiliating) and having that person get angry because they think you are being manipulative or throwing a fit? I'm devastated to have a good friend believe this about me. Is this normal? I don't really fault her. I can imagine how things might look to someone who has no knowledge. I'm afraid showing her anything about CPTSD will turn her off more. She knows I have it, but she doesn't know much about how it works.

I've been misunderstood by people around her as well (they belong to a church I tried to go to...and it didn't work out. I was triggered and it wasn't the right time) and I'm afraid I've lost my friend. She was one of the few people who kept talking to me after I had to leave that church and has been pretty supportive.

Has anything ever worked for anyone to try to explain what happens? I had flashbacks, dissociation, physical symptoms, crying, etc...unfortunately I can have some pretty severe abandonment issues in my episodes which seem to be the driving force. I'm so mad at myself. Can anyone relate or am I just insane?

 

[cat-lady]

I've had episodes at work and school and yes, it is humiliating. I filed with disability office at school and filed disability statement with hr office at work. Some people understand, some don't. Some people are offended, some aren't. I recently transitioned from a form of ptsd where this didn't happen to one where it does due to new trauma. I wish I had answers for you but I'm still trying to work it out for myself. It's tough. I would say make sure you get disability statements on record if you are working or going to school. This won't fix everything but it will at least provide you some level of protection from discrimination.

 

[Stills]

Being open is not a bad thing, especially if you want people to see it from your perspective. One of my friends was very supportive during and after a flashback. I know that not all of them would be simply because they don't have the capacity to help another person through something so intense and serious. Not everyone understands, but the ones that take the time to and are there for you are ones that will be there for you through thick and thin and those you should keep close to your heart. Although some friends may not understand and know what to say due to lack of experience and hardship and possibly empathy, I don't think you have to drop people. If I were you, I would try not to overthink it, (I know that's hard). If your friend comes around, then great, if not, it's their loss and I'd say good luck dealing with anything in life...Just try to remember that everyone deals with things differently and react in different ways, however, true friends are there for you, regardless if their response is ideal or not. You can always tell when they care and try to be there for you. I hope this helps. I know it's hard and quite lonesome, but the supportive ones are truly and always out there!

 

[chant2012]

Was also in a cult from 0-21 years old. You're not alone. I'm sorry she acted that way. It's difficult for people to understand if they haven't been through it.

 

[St.Maybe]

I was once involved with someone who was very helpful to my limited understanding of PTSD. At times, he was great, and as a mental health worker he was able to explain the diagnosis and help me understand that I was having a normal reaction to abnormal events.

When I was having episodes, though, that support sometimes flew out of the window. It really scared him, to have me screaming "no" like he wasn't there with me. Sometimes I'd hide or "dissociate" (not in a DID sense), becoming catatonic. It made him angry... I guess it made him angry because it was unbelievable to him on the one hand, and on the other (where some part of him accepted what was happening) it made him feel powerless to help me.

In my case, I just dealt with him regarding me as attention-seeking at times and he just dealt with me being "a drama queen." - I didn't try to get him to understand because it hurt too much. I should have, though, because there was a serious misunderstanding between us.

I think explaining that your symptoms are sometimes that severe because of how PTSD causes sufferers to relive trauma might help your friend to get it even if they'll never really understand.

 

[cat-lady]

I think sometimes people get offended because they think I'm choosing behaviors in response to ptsd symptoms, when in reality I'm having automatic reactions that I don't control. I think it's important for people to understand that we don't choose automatic reactions in the way they choose behaviors in response to their feelings.