Sufferer I Think I May Disassociate?

[Wakemeupwenitsallova]

I'm not sure where to start as I have only recently been diagnosed with PTSD and do not really understand much about it? I have had one visit with a psychologist (who I didn't feel comfortable with) so am now waiting to see a female psych in about 3 weeks.

I have been prescribed 30mg oxazapam to help with sleep/anxiety/panic attacks and have also just been givin Zoloft Which I have taken for only 2 days but am afraid to keep taking them? Is this normal to fear meds?

I stumbled onto this site while googling 'what does dissociation feel like?' Again I don't know much about it but I think it is something I do quite regularly after reading some of ur threads? Often I feel light headed and like I'm not really there (or here)
Sometimes when people are talking to me or visa versa I cannot understand ANYTHING they are saying and I I'm sure this sounds a little weird but its like I forget how to talk!? I just sit with a blank stare and have no real clue what's going on? I also have very large portions of my life that I must have block out, including quite a bit of the actual Abouse . If I get extremely anxious (which it feels like anything can cause) the only thing I can do is lock myself in my room for days sometimes a week or more!! It the only way I can get thru that particular ..episode u could call it. I have 2 beautiful daughters however I am so worried about the damage this isolation has coursed them but I'd rather isolate then get angry at them! They are both extremely amazing girls who have witness so much in their short life's and I am so proud of the way they turned out! Xx

So my original question is is there anyone who could possibly share with me their experience which may shed some light on disassociation for me, as it is still something quite new to me! Thank for ur support and merry Christmas xo
Wake me up when I am wiser and wareser and the mover

 

[MSMiller]

My husband is on the Zoloft and so far what you are experiencing is right on.

I am more afraid of the meds than he is because it affects him emotionally and physically as well as those of us in the house. I encourage you to read up on the side effects then set your immediate family members expectations of you while going through this. It will undoubtedly affect them.

If you do not feel right then change things. There is enough on the market that your doctor can work with. Don't let them give you what is the fad "Zoloft" if it isn't a good fit for your body and lifestyle. Remember too it is your body!

 

[Upside Down Eagle]

We just had a thread about not being able to speak properly, and forgetting things on the point, a bit ago. It's pretty normal, most of the people who answered it had some troubles in either or both areas... including myself.

If I get extremely anxious (which it feels like anything can cause) the only thing I can do is lock myself in my room for days sometimes a week or more!

Also sounds familiar! I do the same. I guess it's hard to have to care for your doughters at the same time but I respect you for locking yourself up rather than get angry at them. I had a very abusive mom and I wish she'd done the same: locking yourself up may affect them but it is still much better than taking it out on them! :)

As for the meds I think it's healthy to have a critical attitude. I'm on oxazepam too and my doctor has warned me that it can be addictive, so I try to limit it to those situations where there is no way that I can deal with the anxiety... I don't know how that it for you, try to feel for yourself what works best.

 

[shimmerz]

Absolutely. I was diagnosed at the age of 47 after 3 years of trauma being thrown at me. My story is long and I realized after seeing my T-doc that I dissociated all of my life. I had no idea. But I will never forget when he threw me into a dissociative state and pointed at me and said 'THERE! What is that????' Then I was able to determine the difference between a dissociative state or regular state.

Myself I used hot candies (extremely hot) and recognized that every time I was about to go there was a change in my eyes. Some friends had identified this before I had the dx. Some call it the 'thousand mile stare'. I now know the feeling and recognize that I rarely do it anymore.

All of us dissociate on some level. On the low end of the spectrum (and it is measured on a spectrum line), it can be as minor as losing perspective when driving your car -"am I here already"??? to full blown Dissociative Identity Disorder (aka MPD). I myself have DDNOS which is Dissociative Disorder Not Otherwise Specified. This means that I fall within and along the spectrum not at one point on the spectrum. If that makes any sense ;-)

It is work to get out of it, but not so bad once you learn how to see the signs that you are in fact dissociating.

Hope this helps.

Shimmerz

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Yes, fearing meds is normal. I think everyone goes through it at some point.

It sounds like you should learn grounding skills. There is a lot of info on the site about grounding to stay in the present moment. I advise you to speak to your new therapist about this and ask her if she will help you learn grounding skills.

 

[Abstract]

Those sound like classical indications of dissociation. Here are a couple of threads to read through. https://www.myptsd.com/threads/can-you-dissociate-for-days.38884/#post-629413 https://www.myptsd.com/threads/dissociation-101.15027/

 

[intothelight]

Hi Wakemeupwenitsallova,

Welcome to MyPTSD forum!:)

Getting a diagnosis, starting therapy, and being prescribed medication is all new and can be very scary. Medication can help and it is good to take a "wait and see" approach. Give it time and see if it helps. Medication can help with symptoms, but it is therapy that will help you to recover.

Disassociation is pretty common with PTSD and you will learn to manage it over time. There is a lot of information here about grounding techniques and I hope you find those helpful.

Take care.

Debbie

 

[shimmerz]

I would advise you to have someone watching you while on meds. I know they put me on some that were not so good for me - that numbed me out and changed my personality. I am grateful to those that were able to say 'I see changes in you and am wondering if those meds are good for you'. That may give you some peace of mind.

Love and Light,

Shimmerz

 

[Wakemeupwenitsallova]

Thank you everyone...I have found your comments extremely helpful. I'm pretty sure now that what I have been feeling is most likely disassociation. It happened again today...I've been feeling really down and quite nervy and while watching a movie where a girl was kidnapped (I didn't know anything about the movie or I wouldn't have watched it) I got up and sat at the dining table and was shaking and rocking back and forth. I could hear my friend saying what's wrong, are you ok but all it felt really weird, kinda fuzzy and echoey even? I just starred through him and couldn't answer at all...

I just wish I could go back to the carefree girl I used to be

 

[Abstract]

I thought I gave you this link too wakemeup: https://www.myptsd.com/threads/dissociation-explained.13879/

 

[shimmerz]

Nice @Wakemeupwenitsallova. Three quarters of the battle is identifying how your body responds and how you feel (numbed out, nerve wracked etc) and then things get easier from there. I know also when I am dissociated because I can't look at the people around me and I just seem to lock my eyes on something. I go mute as well many times. I congratulate you on your identifying how it feels to you. Great going!

Love and Light
Shimmerz\

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

Welcome to the forum. :)

 

[Wakemeupwenitsallova]

Thank you Ayesha...you have no idea how helpful this forum has been for me! I have learnt so much and felt so much more at ease over the last week or 2 as a direct result in having found this site! Everyone one here has been so helpful and nice, and even talked me through one of the hardest times I have had...on NYE. I am so grateful! Xo