I think i should quit therapy altogether

[OctoberMaple]

I'm having a very hard time with therapists, and I'm starting to think that perhaps therapy just isn't for me. Or maybe the therapists in my area are just... I don't know... There's something wrong with them!

First therapist I saw was a guy who would sympathize with the abusers in my life and would try to convince me to have empathy, love and trust for the people who have caused my C-ptsd, and he would make me feel super guilty for wanting to get away from them.

Second T, I have no doubt that she was a Cluster B disordered person. She did a ton of virtue signaling, but would talk massive crap about her other patients to me. She would say some pretty abusive things to me, and even referred to me as a "poor little helpless victim." She would gaslight me, and try to assign emotions to me. For example, she'd say "I can tell you are very very pissed off right now. Just admit it, you're pissed off!" No matter how much I would object to it and tell her that I was very calm, she'd insist that I was angry. She would ask personal questions about what I think of my personal appearance (i.e "do you think you are pretty?" "Do you think you are fat?" "How do you feel about your clothes?"). She tried to convince me that I had never held a job for longer than a year, and when I tried to tell her that wasn't true, she got angry. She did a lot of other stuff that I just can't list bring myself to list. It was like this woman was aggressively trying to make me worse! I started having nightmares and increased anxiety because of her.

Next T wouldn't let me talk... But the one time when he did let me talk, he asked about my major, and what kind of grades I make in college, and what kind of grades I made in K-12. Then scoffed at my major and GPA... I was like, this has nothing to do with C-ptsd treatment so why are you asking?

Most recent T, I just quit her last thursday. Saw her for 6 weeks before I just said I'm done. She wouldn't let me talk about my past, my symptoms or how I feel, and just insisted that drawing happy drawings and thinking happy thoughts would cure my anxiety, trust issues, panic attacks, learned helplessness, emotional flashbacks and intrusive thoughts. Then she tried to convince me that my only problem was that I was "very very lonely," and "going to the mall to window shop will do the trick!"
I tried to tell her that the happy thoughts/drawings weren't helping me, then she shouted at me, "You are NOT doing this for me, you are doing this FOR YOU!!!" When she sensed that I was ready to tell her that I no longer wished to see her, she decided to get petty and start asking how often my boyfriend and I have sex, and implied that our relationship is going to fail. What really sucks is that she was supposed to be a certified EMDR and PTSD specialist. She never even recognized the times when I would dissociate right there in the middle of therapy.

This is getting very frustrating, and I admit that I get super envious of people who say they have great therapists. It's like, how do I heal if I can't even find someone who will take me seriously? How do I heal if these T's don't even want to listen to what is going on with me, and only jump to conclusions before I even open my mouth. I honestly think I should just quit therapy and look for other possibilities for recovery. Group sessions/meetups, books, NPD abuse support youtube channels. Has anyone else found healing without a therapist, but with the help of other avenues?

 

[somerandomguy]

I'm sorry you've had these experiences.

I think everyone here, without exception, has crappy therapist stories. Many of us have had more than one crappy therapists. I've had half a dozen really bad ones. Yet, I now have a therapist that I really love.

Maybe it's worth taking a break for now. But I can assure you that as hard to find as they often are, there ARE good therapists out there. It sucks that it takes so much work to find one.

 

[OctoberMaple]

Thank you
I don't want to seem like a quitter, or like I'm not putting in the work, but it is really discouraging.

 

[somerandomguy]

Yeah, it's discouraging all right. I gave up on therapy many times, but I just don't know any better ways of fixing myself. And sometimes a "good enough" therapist instead of a superstar is, well, good enough.

Your last ones were really bad, though. But it's obvious you're really trying hard - you just haven't found any support yet.

 

[EveHarrington]

I’d keep on trying! It can be difficult to find a good therapist. Were they all trauma therapists? :hug:

 

[hithere]

I feel the same way. I haven't been able to find anyone either. There are things I did that definitely helped me without a therapist. I found writing out the trauma in great detail and rewriting helped me a lot. I found trying to make a timeline of my life helped. There are self help books that helped, lots of reading, also I used Sex/Love Addicts Anonymous and Incest Survivors Anonymous groups too. They were free. I got a lot of good out of those groups. I had to shop around for the right fit, but I think that probably was one of the best things I ever did for my healing.

 

[Justmehere]

I have worked on my stuff in other ways. For awhile I took dance lessons to connect to my body more. I volunteered in different capacities than gave me a chance to build up confidence.

I also had to travel to another city to find really solid therapists. I’ve seen a lot of bad ones briefly. Like really bad. Like trying to hoook me up with their adult son, etc.

Eventually I called a bunch of therapists and asked where would they send a really difficult trauma case if it wasn’t themselves. It was a way to figure out who had a good reputation amoung those in the field. Even then, I met with one dud. (Ok she was downright a jerk...) But then I found the group I’m with now.

Another option is to consider online therapy or group therapy.

That all being said, therapy alone isn’t the only option. There are lots of workbooks and self help materials out there as well.

 

[Suzetig]

There are lots of ways to work on healing without therapy and people can and do heal. @Justmehere has given some good ideas. Others include learning distress tolerance and grounding so anything that keeps you in the here and now like breathing exercises, mindfulness, yoga, martial arts, drawing, crafts, baking - things you need to pay enough attention to and get some flow with.

In terms of trauma work journaling works well as a form of exposure therapy, returning to the place your trauma happened, seeing it through adult eyes can help reinforce the fact that that time has passed.

Working on self acceptance and self compassion - there are some very good books out there with useful exercises - anything that helps you understand what happened and become more self accepting will help.

 

[Friday]

How are you finding these people? // What do your search criteria and interview process look like?

I have finding an ADHD therapist down past science, into a freaking art form... so it was initially very frustrating for me to change my criteria in finding a trauma therapist I could really work with. i had to interview hundreds over the phone (literally, about 200) and meet in person with over 25 :wtf: :banghead: when I was used to 5-10 tops with ADHD, just because I knew exactly what I was looking for with one group, but not the other. (And if it weren’t for bad luck wouldn’t have had any luck at all... but come to find, that’s mostly geography. There are very, very, very few trauma therapists with experience in my history in my area... which I didn’t think mattered in the beginning. Come to find? Yeah. It matters. A lot. So the beginning of my search was damn near spray and pray, rather than a focused search.)

 

[OctoberMaple]

I’d keep on trying! It can be difficult to find a good therapist. Were they all trauma therapists? :hug:

Yes, they were all trauma therapists, and all emdr certified. Although they refused to actually give me emdr. I don't know if it was laziness on their part or something else.

How are you finding these people? // What do your search criteria and interview process look like?

I ha...

Well see that's the thing. I did phone consultations and interviews with all but one of them. The first one I didn't do any of that. But during the consultation and interview process, they start out displaying a genuine interest in helping me, explaining their treatment and therapy types. They seem like overall good therapists... Then, give it about 1-2 weeks and they turn. All of that empathy that they had during the consultations, disappears. Their tones change, they start to make snide little, petty remarks.

I want to try looking outside of my area, because it could be that perhaps the therapists in my area are just unqualified. I mean, one of them pretended to not even know what narcissistic personality disorder was. She claimed that she had never heard of gaslighting, triangulation and trauma bonding, although gaslighting was something that she did quite frequently to me.

 

[OctoberMaple]

@Suzetig, @Link Removed, @Link Removed
Thank you for your suggestions, It sounds like writing is a good option, So I'll need to invest in a journal. I had considered meetups, but those are very area-based and the nearest one is an hour away from where I am. I still want to try them out, though.

 

[blackemerald1]

@OctoberMaple - just wanted to assure you it is difficult to find a therapist. Had many duds. Have you tried a psycdoc or a physician who actually knows and can refer you to a T they know has a good track record?