I Think I Was Abused As A Child

[Bel]

Hi everyone.

This is my first post on the issue ever.

I think I was abused when I was a child, it is not just an issue of bad relationships growing up (now 38) but my father was absent in my life from the age of 6-17. I found him when I was 17 and had 2 bad experiences with him, both times he tried to do things to me.

I don't have a lot of memories of him as a child but I do remember a recurring dream I had which is totally out there, but I dreamt it a million times. A giant spider trying to force a poisonous whale into my mouth. I now have a terrible fear of spiders. But to me this means more. And yes digging up the past is not always a good idea but for me I need to know. I am on medication for anxiety and I have tendencies to self mutilate.

Therapy might help especially for my intimacy issues but I still have recurring dreams. They have changed but I would still like to know so I can move on. Would hypnosis help.

 

[Leah123]

Oh my, Bel, you are in an intense place, and I feel for you. I'm sending you best wishes for your healing until someone posts a more specific reply to you. I don't know if you're interested, but I work with a therapist who's skilled at Jungian dream analysis- that is one way to work through the symbols and meaning in your dream, in conjunction with telling someone your history, and everything that bothers you. I hope you find some comfort.

 

[Bel]

That sounds interesting. At this point I am willing to try anything. I for the first time in my life have met the love of my life. Even though I love him more than I can say, I still have issues with sex and I did before I met him with my ex husband that I was with for nearly 10 years. He was incredibly understanding considering we only had sex once every few years. but my dreams do trouble me and I think they do have some incite as to what's going on.

 

[Spiderallis]

It sounds like you may be ready to work on whatever the spider dream really means. Early psychology put a lot of emphasis on dreams, they're part of that subconscious stuff that's hard to look at directly. Have you tried journaling about it? It might help trace the clues to look at each piece and focus on what feelings and thoughts come up- like work on the spider one day and save the whale for another time. A good first step would be finding a therapist you're comfortable talking with. It'll probably help with the intimacy stuff, and it might be easier to sort out the elements in your recurrent dream by talking about it.

 

[WillyKat]

I'm one that believes dreams matter. If you don't mind, are you seeing a therapist? If so, ask about it.

Hypnosis is a controversial subject. My therapist doesn't believe in it. Many others do not. Some do. I do know that there's no guarantee that you will recover all your memories. Secondly, it could be that you're not ready to deal with those memories. I was told once that you remember things when you're ready to deal with them.

Your spider dream sounds frightening, but remember that there's a whole bunch of us here willing to hear your story and support you. We can all face your spider together so that you don't have to do it alone. OK?