I Think My (no Longer) Bpd Close Friend Has Left Me Traumatised/retraumatised ?

[Roslie22]

Hi everyone, (diagnosed ptsd btw)

I had a close friend of 5 years which ended badly. After about a year of worsening behaviour (treating me like a therapist at all hours of the day and night , overwhelming and not easily accepting other people's views including mine) I, after saying many times in nicer forms months before that I want to be treated like a friend and she should get help. She brought me to the limit after even though I was stalked, it was still always about her. I put my foot down saying no more treating me like a therapist. And she went from talking to me every day about her issues at any time. To not speaking to me in more than a month.
I was about to leave for the biggest trip in my life which has a key role in my future. And I didn't hear a single thing from her. Then I confronted her saying that her behaviour indicates I'm not really worth much and it's been a one way street.
She then replied in and very lawyer like way indicating
1. She can feel how she likes and atm she feels detached from me (devaluation when she now has no use for me anymore)
2. She's changed so much after her practical abroad for 5 weeks (this is a pattern she also did with my lovely friend which is her ex , where she did a road trip and came back and dumped him immediately)
3. She's not on the same path as me anymore
4. She doesn't want to blame anyone (herself)

So I was in shock for a few days then I had this insane level of flashbacks and memories of all these disturbing warning signs over our friendship. With the worst being that she had a theory for a long time where she is putting me through a mild version of the treatment I got from my full blown NPD mother .

I then enquired with friends about anythint else they found odd and just showed them our Convo and they were also very shocked and gave me crazy examples like how she used to do risky sexual acts, white lie a lot/conflicting ideas and how badly she treated her ex including her insane jealousy of me I was also not aware of.

I then replied to her with a very brief summary of why I'm ending it, mostly using her own quotes from our old chats where she admits the sick behavior, and then after blocking her she managed to find a way to send me a message at around 3 am saying I've hurt her so much and she'll never forgive me. Once again about her.


As a result from this absolute mess. It seems like I can't stop having flashbacks or (putting the puzzle together) moments where it screams how toxic she was for me without me realising.
I've had nightmares about her, and she's made me remember all I went through as a child with my mother. Which is the cause of my ptsd anyway. *now having nightmares of my mum again*

I can't stop thinking about it. It's also made me question many many times my own sanity or if I'm also ill, I don't know if this is the symptom of the ptsd or not too. Ive even taken online bpd tests out of paranoia, but all come back as not bpd and the symptoms don't match up .

Can anyone relate to this feeling of being secretly mad ?

I feel more anxious and unwilling to get out of my shell in fear of meeting another person like her. Wondering if I attract these people. and I'm starting to think I'm retraumatised now..

What do you all think ?

Thank you in advance...

 

[walter mitty]

Hi everyone, (diagnosed ptsd btw)

I had a close friend of 5 years which ended badly. After about a ye...

Is this your first encounter with a Borderline Personality Disorder? If so, you ought to know that they are some of the most difficult, usually impossible people to deal with. Although they want to you to take the blame for everything that goes/went wrong; they usually set up the Catch-22 and make you the fall guy. You usually cannot intervene or call their behavior into question without them extracting a heavy price from you. There is not way to be equal with them. Do not feel like you messed that relationship up, even if that's the line they are selling you.

 

[The Albatross]

Agree with Walter's pretty unvarnished comments. There is no concept of relational balances and basically my own existence was exclusively for their own needs... which in the end is impossible.

Some here may be able to deal and be in relationship... but I am not one of those. It's like nitro and glycerin.

 

[walter mitty]

Agree with Walter's pretty unvarnished comments. There is no concept of relational balances and b...

Saddly i have had some personal experience, i am married to a Bpd, and the last 15 years have been............interesting?

 

[The Albatross]

Ah... "Interesting" is one way to describe it and personally I find that rather magnanimous. At any rate, appreciated your candor this morning Walter! :tup:

 

[Roslie22]

Is this your first encounter with a Borderline Personality Disorder? If so, you ought to know that...

Thanks so much for your reply walter. Much appreciated. Yes first experience with bpd :( :(
That description also fits that of a narcissist ( my mother ) very well. So I tried to apply that knowledge for this situation and this is why I do not blame myself for our friendship fall out and am very happy that I broke away from her.
When I sent her the final message where I catch her out. She began to reply within less than 2 min of it even being read (nobody could really read or take in what I said that easily) so then I blocked her because I didn't want her to extract a heavy price as you said. But she did manage to sneak a text hours later y saying that whole I've hurt her thing.
I guess I caught her out in my last message because I had to let it out in a way that if she ever talks bad about me to others . I just show them the conversation and I'm defended so to speak...

Agree with Walter's pretty unvarnished comments. There is no concept of relational balances and b...

Really rings some bells !!! Thanks for your reply. Yes I'm definitely not one of those people either... can't deal with it

 

[Nana]

Hi everyone, (diagnosed ptsd btw)

I had a close friend of 5 years which ended badly. After about a ye...

My god, your story sounds almost exactly like my story with a friend (we were also roommates) who has BPD too, and i have to say that I've never felt so awfully anxious over a friendship before. Even right now my heart's racing while i write this reply. I've been friends with this girl for over a year and it's been a NIGHTMARE. I think I'm also very traumatised, i do also have those flashbacks you mention, and it's almost like i've been bitten by a bug that injected me with some sort of poison that's taken me all over and i don't manage to take it our of my system. I've also questioned my own sanity and wondered if I'm just as toxic as she is to me, i've (and still do) question whether I've been a good friend or not, too. Hell, i mean, I also was her therapist and spiritual counsellor, i had to put up with anger outbursts triggered by her failed relationships and everything else that upset her, she woke me up so many times very late at night coming back home on the phone while crying loudly, like if she lived alone, and there i was, calming her down while i was still managing to become fully awake (and feeling totally exhausted and drained the next day), all the times i had to put up with her moaning over the same things over and over again, all her emotional manipulations when i needed to be alone because she can't stand me setting boundaries, she hates me when i do it. I mean, I'm not a perfect human being but i do take responsibility for my mistakes and my actions, and i'm aware that after the first time i told her i could not be friends with her anymore because i didn't have the emotional tools to stay as close as i've been, she threw me such a tantrum and manipulated me in such a way so i didn't "dump her", that i haven't dared finishing this friendship. This is HORRID. I never know what to expect, i want out but i'm always so scared that i stay and lie while trying to distance myself. I've read books and watched videos about BPD to understand more about her and how to handle different situations, but ENOUGH IT'S ENOUUUUGH!!!! What about me??? what about me feeling anxious and manipulated??? I can't sacrifice my sanity for someone who has BPD just because poor them... WE ALL HAVE TO UNDERSTAND THEM! I'm so sorry I'm just so frustrated and angry, i don't want to bear this burden on my shoulders anymore, i want friends who can take responsibility for their behaviour and are able to see their own crap too, because i do always try to be aware of what i do and how what i do and say can affect others. But this is just a mind f*ck, i can't do this anymore, I'll always be the bad friend no matter how much i've done for her (and i hate having to tell her that's she's just a ungrateful and self absorbed narcissist brat! :-(