The thing is a narcissist has already played this game 1,000's of times before from childhood, getting bette...
It's true about the smear campaign. This is obvious in how they talk about others I've found. Do they totally avoid complaining? Not real! Healthy people want to work through difficulties not deny them or act like all is perfect. Do they complain, disrespect, minimize, ridicule, make fun of others? Do they imply they cannot have relationshiops with certain types of people because they aren't good enough or complain about one gender over the other or avoid a gender over another? Is their thinking black or white? Do they ask for reliance upon them and then alternatively let you fail or vascillate between that and being unavailable? Do they avoid saying Thank you, please, I need, help, please, or these are my mistakes unless it's to get what they want or appear a certain way? It's all about power. Educate yourself in power and how to keep your own as the Narc pulls the person from their own being and you find yourself inhabiting theirs. To the person who initiated this post, it sounds like you are there because you are obsessing over them and not taking responsibility for your own self. Your questions ought to revolve around how you can make changes to meet your needs and take responsibility for yourself. Learn from this and have a plan. People are always telling us about themselves, are we listening? Do we believe them when they do or do we argue?
A lot of these behaviors come from self protection,anxiety, and a deep sense of inadequacy, shame, guilt. The attention either positive or negative is food. Emotional cycles that initially keep us from evil and chaos but can quickly turn unhealthy I've at times become physically ill because of this kind of energy. The comment about the more charming and kind and sincere they seem upfront and for a duration of time the worse is an apt warning. They've honed the mask which they do by mimicking others, due to the self protection they are deft at observations. Give relationships time and listen. It'll all come out.
One must be careful they don't be become like the narcissist as the conditioning is subtle and lasting. It's almost occult like in my experience and I've been told by narcissists that they can read minds at times. I've even felt them take an approach and then lean in with their spirit to see what kind of reaction they get. I think it can be a mixture of looking for reassurance, approval, testing a person. Give me nature, lol! Anyway, don't vascillate, know you're mind or think about things they ask of you and come back to it rather than agree on the spot. Chances are you need to negotiate because the fullness if your well being wasn't included. Have a decision made including consequences before you talk or better yet don't talk at all. Let it all be deed, don't be the apologetic and simpering fool who gets pounded down. This might sound scary but if you know anything about metaphysical physics it can make sense.
I've found that asking their assistance in understanding your world and keep things positive. They are insightful and often charismatic. Often it's quid pro quo, know what it takes to have a relationship with one. You'll work for them, room with them, and the narc lives in all of us to a degree.
If you think you are weird because you cannot have an enduring and loving relationship with them don't. It's a deviant behavior and though at the core is suffering or in the case of the grandiose narcissist a true belief of superiority, which may very well be true, unstable relationships are a consequence. To be fair, there can be a mix of types that ought to be factored in; the sensitive personality type can be emerging along with the narcissist behaviors.
I've had some turning points in this area and appreciate the chance to discuss things on this forum. I may have sounded demonstrative but that's because this was done by a little keyboard so concentrated. I look forward to hearing any thoughts, agreements, disagreements or whatever.
Cheers
