I am feeling incredibly disappointed and confused about the wonderful man I thought I had found. In the past two months I have been seeing a man with PTSD, which is a result of combat and experiences in the marines and army over 15 years. I am really struggling with how much of his behavior lately, on the past 2 weeks, is truly the PTSD, or bad behavior that is inexcusable.
I have been reading a lot about PTSD and joined this forum. I have been reading past threads about relationships and found very similar and common behaviors that women "put up with" because they are possibly related to the PTSD. At first, I excused the things that were happening with him because of the threads and things I've read. Now, I am nervous and think it is too much for me to handle, which is partially because I can't tell if he is lying to me sometimes, or if he is preying on my caring nature.
Basically, things started off very well, like nothing I've experienced with someone before. We were talking on the phone for hours and spending many night and good times together. I thought I knew him. I was trying to understand all the medications he is on, that he doesn't sleep well, that sometimes he's nervous and isn't "himself" exactly.
Then, he went to see a friend he had been in Iraq with. When he came home he was very apologetic and said he needed some time because the trip brought up so many bad memories. I gave him his time and space. We still texted and talked by phone some, but it was very different and distant. He cancelled us getting together twice. When we did get together the first time after two weeks it was good. He said some things that I didn't pick up on until later that worried me. Then another similar thing he said really worried me. He basically accused me of being a stalker, driving by his house to check on him and running a back ground check on him. I did neither of them. He called me a stalker under his breath.
We went out with my friends for the first time, and he was distant and unfriendly with them while they were very kind and tried to get to know him. We decide to leave and go somewhere else just the two of us. We found a bar that I don't really care for, but thought maybe we could play some pool and talk. His yes were all over the place and I felt like he was scoping out the women in an obvious and voter kind of way. He sat distantly from me and barely spoke to me except for accusing me of stalking him. Then a woman came over and gave him a note that asked us if we wanted some alternative fun. I thought it was trashy and maybe she was a prostitute or something. I asked him what he'd have done if I weren't there. He said he'd take her home, but wear a condom, and tell me about it. Then he admitted that sometime during the past 2 weeks that I didn't see him, he went out with another woman he had met online. He said we weren't exclusively, which is true. He said he didn't like her and didn't have sex with her, but things in his story did not add up and were inconsistent. I don't like at all that he went out with someone else while we said we were dating. We had sex and spent several nights together. What troubles me more thought is that it seems that he played my emotions and the fact that I was understanding of his needed space because of the PTSD. He had said most women would be oven by now and thanked me for being understanding. But now I don't know if any of it is true. I know he does take meds and has problems with the PTSD, so I don't doubt that he really did have a hard time. I do think that he used it and my caring so much to make me feel sorry for him and take advantage of me and lie.
I was so uncomfortable with the situation and how distant and different he and been. He took me home, and I tried to tell him that I don't think we are right for each other. I said that I don't expect us to be exclusive yet, but I also can't deal with his lying and maybe sleeping with other women, putting me at risk if we continued to sleep together too. His response was not to talk about it now, that I'd feel different in the morning and then he shut me out. He would not let me express anything more that I was feeling.
Since then he has texted and called once, but our conversations were different and odd. I am nervous and don't want to address these things by text and phone. I am wanting to tell him all of how I feel and that we shouldn't talk anymore, but I'm afraid. I don't know, or think, that he's dangerous, but the accusations of stalking him make me than he's paranoid, or maybe he actually stalked me. I'm afraid if we talk, he will be nasty and mean, because I've also seen a very passive aggressive mean side that could come out as not passive aggressively but truly mean.
It ets me because I was really caring about this man. I gave a lot of myself. When I thought he and been isolating himself and having a difficult time, and then he saw him, I took care of him. I made him dinner, made a very nice night for us, and even have him a massage so he might sleep better. Maybe I gave and did too much, but it was great at the time, and it seemed warranted. The next day was the weird day when he accused me of stalking him and was so distant. He never wanted to talk about the PTSD, which I only brought up once, and let it go, just said I would listen and understand if he wanted to talk about it.
Anyway....if he were not a sufferer of PTSD and I trusted that I could openly talk to him about this without it trying ugly, I would ask about the accusations and tell him how hurt and confused I've been with this. I'd possibly tell him that I don't think we should see each other, why, and just move on. I'm so disappointed, saddened, and confused.
I hope this makes sense. I know it's not nearly as bad as some of the things I've seen on other threads.i am afraid of it getting worse and don't think I can deal with it. I also feel that I shouldn't for my own safety and well being. It is very difficult because I have out a lot into this man. All be it a short amount of time, but a lot happened in that time. It's difficult to remember every little thing that happened, but based on just this I hope someone out there can read this and tell me what they think I should do. And tell me what they think this is.
Is it his PSTD that I should try to talk to him about and be honest about the things that happened? Or should I let it go and keep seeing him, attempt to talk to him about it and settle it with him, work through it? Or maybe he's just not into me anymore, and if he wants to see other people, and does not truly want me, but manipulates me to try to keep me around, should I get out and not let that happen? Should I just distance myself form him and hope to never see him again? Should I accept that this is something I can't handle and don't deserve?
I know it's a lot of questions. I am just hoping someone out there will understand and give an honest and straight forward opinion and some advice.
Thank you to anyone who reads this and/or offers some answers and advise.
Thank you.
I have been reading a lot about PTSD and joined this forum. I have been reading past threads about relationships and found very similar and common behaviors that women "put up with" because they are possibly related to the PTSD. At first, I excused the things that were happening with him because of the threads and things I've read. Now, I am nervous and think it is too much for me to handle, which is partially because I can't tell if he is lying to me sometimes, or if he is preying on my caring nature.
Basically, things started off very well, like nothing I've experienced with someone before. We were talking on the phone for hours and spending many night and good times together. I thought I knew him. I was trying to understand all the medications he is on, that he doesn't sleep well, that sometimes he's nervous and isn't "himself" exactly.
Then, he went to see a friend he had been in Iraq with. When he came home he was very apologetic and said he needed some time because the trip brought up so many bad memories. I gave him his time and space. We still texted and talked by phone some, but it was very different and distant. He cancelled us getting together twice. When we did get together the first time after two weeks it was good. He said some things that I didn't pick up on until later that worried me. Then another similar thing he said really worried me. He basically accused me of being a stalker, driving by his house to check on him and running a back ground check on him. I did neither of them. He called me a stalker under his breath.
We went out with my friends for the first time, and he was distant and unfriendly with them while they were very kind and tried to get to know him. We decide to leave and go somewhere else just the two of us. We found a bar that I don't really care for, but thought maybe we could play some pool and talk. His yes were all over the place and I felt like he was scoping out the women in an obvious and voter kind of way. He sat distantly from me and barely spoke to me except for accusing me of stalking him. Then a woman came over and gave him a note that asked us if we wanted some alternative fun. I thought it was trashy and maybe she was a prostitute or something. I asked him what he'd have done if I weren't there. He said he'd take her home, but wear a condom, and tell me about it. Then he admitted that sometime during the past 2 weeks that I didn't see him, he went out with another woman he had met online. He said we weren't exclusively, which is true. He said he didn't like her and didn't have sex with her, but things in his story did not add up and were inconsistent. I don't like at all that he went out with someone else while we said we were dating. We had sex and spent several nights together. What troubles me more thought is that it seems that he played my emotions and the fact that I was understanding of his needed space because of the PTSD. He had said most women would be oven by now and thanked me for being understanding. But now I don't know if any of it is true. I know he does take meds and has problems with the PTSD, so I don't doubt that he really did have a hard time. I do think that he used it and my caring so much to make me feel sorry for him and take advantage of me and lie.
I was so uncomfortable with the situation and how distant and different he and been. He took me home, and I tried to tell him that I don't think we are right for each other. I said that I don't expect us to be exclusive yet, but I also can't deal with his lying and maybe sleeping with other women, putting me at risk if we continued to sleep together too. His response was not to talk about it now, that I'd feel different in the morning and then he shut me out. He would not let me express anything more that I was feeling.
Since then he has texted and called once, but our conversations were different and odd. I am nervous and don't want to address these things by text and phone. I am wanting to tell him all of how I feel and that we shouldn't talk anymore, but I'm afraid. I don't know, or think, that he's dangerous, but the accusations of stalking him make me than he's paranoid, or maybe he actually stalked me. I'm afraid if we talk, he will be nasty and mean, because I've also seen a very passive aggressive mean side that could come out as not passive aggressively but truly mean.
It ets me because I was really caring about this man. I gave a lot of myself. When I thought he and been isolating himself and having a difficult time, and then he saw him, I took care of him. I made him dinner, made a very nice night for us, and even have him a massage so he might sleep better. Maybe I gave and did too much, but it was great at the time, and it seemed warranted. The next day was the weird day when he accused me of stalking him and was so distant. He never wanted to talk about the PTSD, which I only brought up once, and let it go, just said I would listen and understand if he wanted to talk about it.
Anyway....if he were not a sufferer of PTSD and I trusted that I could openly talk to him about this without it trying ugly, I would ask about the accusations and tell him how hurt and confused I've been with this. I'd possibly tell him that I don't think we should see each other, why, and just move on. I'm so disappointed, saddened, and confused.
I hope this makes sense. I know it's not nearly as bad as some of the things I've seen on other threads.i am afraid of it getting worse and don't think I can deal with it. I also feel that I shouldn't for my own safety and well being. It is very difficult because I have out a lot into this man. All be it a short amount of time, but a lot happened in that time. It's difficult to remember every little thing that happened, but based on just this I hope someone out there can read this and tell me what they think I should do. And tell me what they think this is.
Is it his PSTD that I should try to talk to him about and be honest about the things that happened? Or should I let it go and keep seeing him, attempt to talk to him about it and settle it with him, work through it? Or maybe he's just not into me anymore, and if he wants to see other people, and does not truly want me, but manipulates me to try to keep me around, should I get out and not let that happen? Should I just distance myself form him and hope to never see him again? Should I accept that this is something I can't handle and don't deserve?
I know it's a lot of questions. I am just hoping someone out there will understand and give an honest and straight forward opinion and some advice.
Thank you to anyone who reads this and/or offers some answers and advise.
Thank you.
