Sufferer I Thought I Was Over Ptsd

[falling]

I have recently found myself dealing with PTDS issues again. It's been 12 years since I was first diagnosed and during that time I have been up/down, on/off anti-d's but I am again at my bottom. I don't know why I am back to feeling like this-numb, cold, blah, unemotional, sad, robotic.... I don''t know what the trigger is/was this time and I'm super frustrated about not knowing how to "fix" it.

When I was first diagnosed I knew what the cause was. I was drugged and raped but I'm over it now and even thinking about doesn't hurt anymore. It makes me sad but I am truly over it. So, why the hell am I back to feeling like this????

I have had a number of bad things happen lately but nothing I can't handle so????WHY?

I went to the doc today to get a rxn for effexor once again. I was on it before and it worked very well for me. I had been on cipralex in my recent years but it just didn't make a difference.

Anyways, I'm here and hoping I can once again climb out of this shit unemotional, exhausting robotic life and get myself back.

 

[cdg]

We hope you get yourself back. Welcome and good luck.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Hi and welcome!

 

[Flyaway]

Hi falling, I hope you find this forum to be a good safety net! As for the trigger, sometimes it's just stress! Maybe you're feeling a bit more vulnerable than you're willing to admit to yourself, and your subconscious is feeling the need to remind you to make wise choices. The best thing to do right now is heaps of self care

 

[KP the nut]

Hi and welcome to the forum.

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

Welcome to the forum. :)

 

[DMerish]

Hi, and welcome to the forum.

I had about a ten year remission at one point, then . . . PTSD sucks. I think, if you "normalized" before, you can get there again.

One step at a time - take care.

Drew -

 

[intothelight]

Hi Fallen,

Welcome to MyPTSD Forum! :)

Unfortunately, PTSD is one of those disorders that can be managed for a long time and then there is something, or a group of events, that cause PTSD to rear its head again. I hope you find the information and support here helpful as you work on getting your symptoms under control.

Take care.

Debbie

 

[falling]

Thanks everybody.

I'm currently having the worst side-effects of effexor-dizzy, drowsy, EXHAUSTION (but was there before the med), anxiety....I had to call in sick to work again today. I'm worried about how much sick time I've been using but I am simply too exhausted to even get ready to go to work. I just can't believe I'm 'here' again.

I have so many responsibilities. I need to get better for my daughter. I'm lucky to have the life I could have if I could just get back to having energy and feeling again. My bf and I have gotten back together. There is no sexual activity and I can hardly even cuddle for some reason. I don't want to be touched right now. But he has been reading about ptsd lots and is very supportive.

We are still going to couples counseling but it's more like he comes with me and I am the one getting the counseling. I just feel so sad for the fact that I think I've lost who I AM. I can't feel fun anymore, I use to be so carefree and laugh all the time. Now I have to 'play along' and fake it. Which is exhausting.

 

[WillyKat]

Welcome Fallen,

I had a similar experience years ago. I had counselling, I considered myself "over it", got married, etc. Then...wham!

For me, it was having a child and seeing that child at about the same age I was when abused. It raised all sorts of fears for him, but I think it also had to do with seeing how small and trusting and *dependent on me to protect him* he was. I sort of saw myself at that age and then had all sorts of issues.

Maybe there's something similar like that going on for you; that maybe you're seeing the world a little differently than you did 12 years ago. Or maybe there's something going on in your life that subconsciously looks different now. It may have something to do with just being 12 years older too.

The lesson I learned is to never say that I'm "over" it. It sets you up for disappointment later on.

 

[falling]

Thanks WillyKat. Your words rang true. I think I may have relapsed due to the overwhelming amount of stress i have right now and I did travel to the place where I grew up. My grandfather died and going "home" sure did remind me of my childhood and all the abuse. Then my bf and I broke up so I had to move into an apt bld with my daughter. We are back together now and going to couples counselling. I think fighting with him and being let down by him made me withdraw and before I knew it I was exhausted everyday and felt-nothing.

I didn't ever realize I was depressed and numb until we were in counselling and I told the T that I didn't care if our relationship continued or not. Even though I do-kinda, I just was pushing him away as a kind of self destruction I think? So confusing to want someone but not want them at the same time.

 

[EverOnly358]

I totally relate to the idea of "getting myself back." Sometimes it's surprising how stress can push you over the edge and ruin all your progress. Just hang in there. You did it once, you'll do it again. Take care of yourself!