Sarah726--consider yourself vastly lucky you don't have children with him. I did have
the rare opportunity to find out how my abusive ex thought. I don't recommend it.
He was severely abused as a child, and had a genuine nice side. Which he essentially
used as bait to lure people into thinking he was a kind loving person. These disordered
people are amazing at appearing better than normal. Because they are completely
self centered and enter into non-reciprocal relationships, they don't have any of the
normal worries which bog the rest of humanity down. Sick children--spouse will take
care of them. Sick girlfriend/boyfriend ignore them! Money trouble, borrow from parents.
Their troubles are invariably solved at the expense of others with whom they have
an essentially parasitical relationship.
How my ex described himself was thusly: 10% good, child like, the "original package",
what attracted me to him in the first place, 70% completely self-obsessed no thought
for others than what they can do for him or his image, and 20% "more evil than you can
imagine". The experience of finding out how he thought and what he was doing behind
my back was additionally traumatizing. Having him feign improvements so he could
convince me he had changed only traumatized our children and confused them terribly.
I do not recommend having contact with these types of people in any form if you can
avoid it.
Although I felt badly to hear how he had been abused as a child (and I believed him as
his family also abused me and behaved bizarrely) I had no interest in getting back
together with him or continuing a relationship with him that included new and improved
types of abuse.
The reality is that anyone on the NPD or APD spectrum is addicted to abuse and engaging
in grotesquely selfish behavior. You are their heroin. Their drug of choice. There is nothing
but damage to be had in having ANY contact with them. Had I had to do it over again
I would have stuck to my original choice and had only lawyer mediated contact with him,
but I was facing a protracted legal battle and wanted to hear what he had to say.
There is nothing but harm to be had in having any contact with character disordered people
They view us as appliances, when we don't dispense what we want, they harm us
intentionally either in retaliation or to force us to continue giving them what they want.
Zero contact is the only sane response. Contact with them is like swimming with great
white sharks. If they're well fed they might leave you alone, but if they're hungry they will
destroy you. They look and behave the same on the surface whether they are satisfied
or in need of feeding. The same with these human vampires. Be safe!!!!!!!!!!
the rare opportunity to find out how my abusive ex thought. I don't recommend it.
He was severely abused as a child, and had a genuine nice side. Which he essentially
used as bait to lure people into thinking he was a kind loving person. These disordered
people are amazing at appearing better than normal. Because they are completely
self centered and enter into non-reciprocal relationships, they don't have any of the
normal worries which bog the rest of humanity down. Sick children--spouse will take
care of them. Sick girlfriend/boyfriend ignore them! Money trouble, borrow from parents.
Their troubles are invariably solved at the expense of others with whom they have
an essentially parasitical relationship.
How my ex described himself was thusly: 10% good, child like, the "original package",
what attracted me to him in the first place, 70% completely self-obsessed no thought
for others than what they can do for him or his image, and 20% "more evil than you can
imagine". The experience of finding out how he thought and what he was doing behind
my back was additionally traumatizing. Having him feign improvements so he could
convince me he had changed only traumatized our children and confused them terribly.
I do not recommend having contact with these types of people in any form if you can
avoid it.
Although I felt badly to hear how he had been abused as a child (and I believed him as
his family also abused me and behaved bizarrely) I had no interest in getting back
together with him or continuing a relationship with him that included new and improved
types of abuse.
The reality is that anyone on the NPD or APD spectrum is addicted to abuse and engaging
in grotesquely selfish behavior. You are their heroin. Their drug of choice. There is nothing
but damage to be had in having ANY contact with them. Had I had to do it over again
I would have stuck to my original choice and had only lawyer mediated contact with him,
but I was facing a protracted legal battle and wanted to hear what he had to say.
There is nothing but harm to be had in having any contact with character disordered people
They view us as appliances, when we don't dispense what we want, they harm us
intentionally either in retaliation or to force us to continue giving them what they want.
Zero contact is the only sane response. Contact with them is like swimming with great
white sharks. If they're well fed they might leave you alone, but if they're hungry they will
destroy you. They look and behave the same on the surface whether they are satisfied
or in need of feeding. The same with these human vampires. Be safe!!!!!!!!!!
