I Want To Come Out Of This Box.

[Red Feather]

I am tired of being sick. I am tired of thinking I am sick. And I am seriously asking myself how much of being sick is in my head? I am so angry at people who want to push me back into this mindset of being sick.

I want to study acting or music. Or start working directly as a performer. I have done so many performances in my life. I have so much to offer. I know I am old (37) but I have tons of life experience.

I just am tired of being unsure of who I am and what I want. Because when I feel clear, I know that I can do it. But when I don't feel clear, I feel like I am back in the box. Letting doctors decide over my life.

 

[expectingbetter]

I understand how you feel!
I feel similarly but in my case there are not doctors who are deciding but circumstances, I feel stuck as there is no possibilities around.
But I am like you more and more ready to go out of a 'box'. I am tired of this feeling.

 

[kona355]

@Link Removed

Do you have an opportunity, like a studio, or someplace available to study acting and music?

 

[kona355]

@Link Removed

Go for it!

 

[Deleted member 12723]

@Nadia When I got sick and tired of being sick and tired I reached a turning point in my recovery and things began to improve a little at a time.

Do follow your heart.:hug:

 

[Justmehere]

I don't believe you are "sick." I believe you are having an understandable reaction to traumatic events.

Take back your voice. You own your care, your doctors are there to advise and support you - a strong and amazing survivor. Not because you are sick, but because you are in the process of healing and recovering and you are worthy and deserving of support as you reclaim and pursue your dreams.

 

[Red Feather]

I feel similarly but in my case there are not doctors who are deciding but circumstances, I feel stuck as there is no possibilities around.

Yes! It is like the past is still influencing my life. Like just recently I did an interview with a theater director who was looking for a woman who sings (that's me), and he seemed really interested, and then suddenly he just cut contact with me and didn't return my calls. And why? I have no idea why but I am guessing that word got around about my PTSD. He didn't even give me a chance to audition.

Do you have an opportunity, like a studio, or someplace available to study acting and music?

I can either get a job as a secretary or waitress and either work on my own performance projects and other small projects, or get enrolled at a university. For the university, I need a certificate of health from my doctor. Yesterday, my GP told me she wouldn't give me the certificate! Not exactly very encouraging of her. I am going try going to another doctor. But I am seeing this attitude everywhere.

I'm in Germany and my social worker today was telling me today I couldn't handle a full time job, and trying to advise me against going back to university. Or the welfare office who has the power to refuse to offer job placement service if they deem me unfit for work. Although the disability services is saying that I am fit to work and that I have to work, but I can only do specific types of work, giving me a long list of work that I can't do. If I follow their line, I could never find a job. And what kind of system is that, in which different government offices can fight over the decision of how I am to live my life.

I have been passive too long now, half my life is over, and I find myself wanting to have the power to decide over my own life. It doesn't sound like it's too much to ask, but it's just hard to fight against this type of discrimination. Is it the PTSD or is it me?

Thank you @Justmehere . I really needed to hear that. Thanks again.

 

[Freedomfighter]

Yes! It is like the past is still influencing my life. Like just recently I did an interview with a theat...

Well, PTSD hit in my life when I was almost fifty, and yes there were a lot of people that tried to tell me what and what not I could do. It took me a while, but I realized that a lot of it stemmed from others recognizing that I could perform tasks better than most, especially if that was in their field of work. So by telling me that I could not do a particular thing they simply tried to deny me chances to advance. I am a very meticulous person and will study up on subjects until I know more about them than pretty much anyone else. Oh boy, you should see some of the looser males at my work: they attempt to stick me with jobs that first do not give me the chance to learn, secondly, when they see me on a computer to research anything that has to do with their work they harass me, and thirdly when they notice that I am beginning to learn about a subject that they are supposed to know about then they try to minimize my knowledge.

Sorry a.. loosers in my book.

 

[Red Feather]

It's discrimination. The stigma is infuriating me. :mad:

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I remember going through a long period of my life where I was being stigmatized and it was really a horrible time for me and the only solution was to move away and I was so happy when we finally did start all over.

I sure hope that you come up with possible solutions for you. My heart goes out to you.:hug:

 

[kona355]

If I follow their line, I could

There are times to do this...

At other times follow your heart's desire. Like acting -

Dare to believe in yourself... and try putting the feelings aside for a while, even for a few minutes, and ask yourself... "What if...?"

It is much easier said than done, I know... but when I Google Inspirational Quotes and read the ones that have to do with trying and not quitting, this instills me with a sense of confidence in the efforts. This is just one effort to prevail. Dead Link Removed

Dead Link Removed